Episode Transcript
[00:00:08] Speaker A: Hello.
That's what the name of the podcast should be.
[00:00:12] Speaker B: I'm not gonna do much talking today. I'm just gonna sit and listen more than anything.
[00:00:16] Speaker C: That's weird because I decided to do the same thing.
[00:00:18] Speaker B: Oh, you're not talking today? Yeah, I feel like I talk too much.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: Christian cast.
[00:00:22] Speaker B: Christian, you take it away.
[00:00:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:00:23] Speaker C: The more I talk, the more depressed I am.
[00:00:25] Speaker A: I've got opinions.
[00:00:26] Speaker C: Meter it.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get depressed the more you talk.
[00:00:31] Speaker C: Yeah. Because it's exhaustion.
[00:00:33] Speaker B: Oh, really? You feel sad? The more you talk, the sadder the more you talk.
[00:00:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: I didn't know that.
[00:00:40] Speaker A: Well, we've talked about that before in this podcast that's been covered.
[00:00:44] Speaker C: Talking about it made me sad.
[00:00:46] Speaker A: Yeah, it's already started.
[00:00:48] Speaker B: Let's just not talk much in this.
Let's see how little we can talk throughout this.
Thank you for coming in early. I know this is early for you guys.
[00:00:59] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. You got to get your bread sliced.
[00:01:01] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I. I realized as I was walking out the door here, I haven't taken a shower.
[00:01:07] Speaker A: Yeah, you got to take a shower.
[00:01:09] Speaker B: No.
Do you have any shampoo here that.
[00:01:11] Speaker A: I could do, like a.
We have a dish soap.
[00:01:14] Speaker C: Dish soap.
[00:01:15] Speaker B: No, I don't think that's good.
[00:01:15] Speaker A: That'll work.
[00:01:16] Speaker B: No, clean it.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah, they use it for ducks.
[00:01:20] Speaker B: You think?
[00:01:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:23] Speaker B: All right, well, let's wrap early so I can wash my head.
[00:01:27] Speaker C: You know, in the. I just threw away all the lost and found. There might have been some. You remember? There's always.
[00:01:34] Speaker A: Yeah, there's always something.
[00:01:35] Speaker B: You get some good lost and found stuff here.
[00:01:37] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:01:39] Speaker C: Really?
87 tripods.
[00:01:42] Speaker A: Yeah, lots of tripods.
[00:01:43] Speaker C: 300 fucking phone charges.
Yeah. Another 50 water bottles of various ascending anytime.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: Anytime I. Look, if I. You know those battery packs that you can just charge something on? It has like, eight hours of battery charge.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: You get a lot of those in here?
[00:02:00] Speaker A: Tons of them. Anytime you're traveling, just. Yeah. Go grab one of those.
[00:02:03] Speaker B: Is it comedians that leave them behind?
[00:02:05] Speaker A: Assuming.
[00:02:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Because patrons aren't plugging their shit into the wall here.
[00:02:09] Speaker A: Right.
[00:02:09] Speaker B: Like chargers.
[00:02:12] Speaker C: Literally. One woman left a pair of shoes in the show.
[00:02:16] Speaker B: You'd be a comedian.
[00:02:18] Speaker C: No, a bloody audience member.
[00:02:21] Speaker B: How could she leave shoes? She brought two pairs of shoes. Or she walked out without her shoes on.
[00:02:25] Speaker C: She bought two. She told me when she came to collect.
[00:02:28] Speaker A: She came back to get them, obviously.
[00:02:30] Speaker C: When she came back to collect them, was it snowing?
[00:02:33] Speaker B: And she brought a pair to wear when she got here in boots and that kind of situation.
[00:02:36] Speaker C: I think it was one of those like office ones, woman things, you know, where it's like, oh, I have these to change into and I don't know, it drives me insane, the amount of lost and found we have. Because it's, it's.
I know, I've explained this a myriad times.
Why do I give a. It's not my stuff. It goes in a box. Here's why. Because I know that we're always going to be on the losing team.
If we have comedians that can't even track their personal possession, why does that.
[00:03:10] Speaker B: Put you on the losing team?
[00:03:11] Speaker C: Because it means I'm working with people who fail to manage their lives.
[00:03:16] Speaker B: Yes, but they may excel in other parts of their lives, like on stage being funny, but they can be absent minded.
[00:03:23] Speaker C: Manage your life.
That's the base. If you can manage your life, you will be good.
You can't fail.
[00:03:33] Speaker B: You know this. The creative, whatever, left brain, right brain. The creative person excels in one area but fails in another, right? Whereas the. The person who's very type A and is organized and whatever you're saying, thriving is not creative or funny at all. Ah well, the two shall not meet.
[00:03:53] Speaker C: I'm here to shoot that Death Star down. That's bull shit.
[00:03:58] Speaker B: Okay, give me an example. You're not one.
[00:04:00] Speaker C: I refute. I'm funnier than any most of the motherfuckers in this place, all right? And I manage my life, okay?
[00:04:11] Speaker B: Now, this being said, for a man I just saw eating a cheese sandwich, a ramen out of a plastic thing of plastic ramen from the drugstore, a lime water and a Snickers bar for lunch.
I don't call that managing my life. I call that a spiral to fucking depression and coronary heart disease.
[00:04:38] Speaker C: Every single thing that you mentioned is by choice and for a strategic reason.
[00:04:44] Speaker B: Whatever.
[00:04:45] Speaker C: Here's an example of lost and found, right? I'm walking past one of the fire extinguishers pictures and I find this jammed into the back of it.
[00:04:54] Speaker A: What is it?
[00:04:54] Speaker C: It says row for men, prescription only.
[00:04:58] Speaker B: Oh, is that a boner pill?
[00:05:00] Speaker C: And it says Sil dentin.
[00:05:03] Speaker B: Sil dentine or whatever.
[00:05:05] Speaker A: You find yourself a boner pill.
[00:05:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:07] Speaker C: Why the would someone. Why would you bring a bone in case.
[00:05:10] Speaker A: In case of emergency and jam it.
[00:05:12] Speaker C: Into a fire extinguisher to fucking.
[00:05:14] Speaker B: This is big one. I know this thing. This thing looks like a Sucret.
[00:05:21] Speaker C: You're never going to fit that down your Jap's eye, are you?
[00:05:25] Speaker B: No, that's not how you take these.
[00:05:27] Speaker C: You take them orally I was being witty.
[00:05:30] Speaker B: Well, that was derogatory towards the Japanese people.
I don't know.
[00:05:35] Speaker C: That's. I got it from viz.
I got it from Vis. Your honor.
[00:05:40] Speaker B: Yeah, okay, so you're exonerated. This is the biggest boner Bill I've ever seen in my life.
[00:05:46] Speaker A: Can you flip it around? I want to see it. That is huge. That's.
[00:05:49] Speaker B: I'm fling it across the room.
[00:05:50] Speaker A: It's like a frisbee.
This is.
[00:05:53] Speaker B: I don't even know how many milligrams, but a friend once gave me some of these. Someone we both know. We'll talk about it off air.
[00:05:59] Speaker A: That's how it got behind. Yeah, somebody throwing it like that.
[00:06:02] Speaker C: It was placed.
Oh, I'll put this behind this fire extinguisher.
[00:06:08] Speaker B: I'm interested in that pillow.
It's so big, though. It's a horse pill. I don't know. I'd be afraid to take it. I'd have priapism for a month.
[00:06:16] Speaker A: It's like a fisherman's friend.
[00:06:18] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what it's like.
[00:06:19] Speaker A: That's a good lozenge.
[00:06:21] Speaker B: Fisherman's friend. Yeah, it's a lozenge.
[00:06:22] Speaker A: Oh, it must. It probably does. It probably melts under your tongue. It does. It says lozenge so it melts. Yeah, it says right here.
[00:06:28] Speaker B: Oh, it's like a hard candy boner.
[00:06:30] Speaker A: Right. So you put it under your tongue.
[00:06:31] Speaker C: So when you suck a fisherman's friend, it's great for him, but not for the fisherman.
[00:06:37] Speaker B: Well, I stand corrected. You are funny.
[00:06:39] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: Put that proven by that pun.
[00:06:41] Speaker C: Take that one to the bank.
[00:06:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
I once was given some of some pills, some sadaf from a friend of ours who's much bigger than you or I or even Christian. Big fella, used to play.
[00:06:55] Speaker C: Not from the hot dog competition.
[00:06:57] Speaker B: No, not big Pat.
No.
Former line college football lineman. And so I was wary of taking the pills because I thought they'd knock me down. They're very small, but I took them and they didn't do anything. I mean, I was still able to achieve the same turgidity that I normally do. But nothing. Nothing. I think I'm. I guess I think I'm immune to cidafinil. It does not affect me because I am already able to get turgid. I do not have a problem getting turgid. I wanted to become more turgid.
Do you know what turgid means?
[00:07:35] Speaker C: Why does an American football lineman need a boner pill?
[00:07:39] Speaker B: That's. I don't want to say anymore.
[00:07:43] Speaker A: Anyway.
[00:07:44] Speaker B: That thing's got my. It's caught my eye.
[00:07:47] Speaker A: Well, why? For the flavor?
[00:07:49] Speaker B: No, the size of it is.
[00:07:50] Speaker A: Oh yeah, try it out.
[00:07:53] Speaker C: I very often find wrapped candy on the floor in the theaters and I'm always.
[00:07:57] Speaker B: Oh, that reminds me.
[00:07:58] Speaker C: And I'm always thinking, should I have this or is it going to be gummy weed or.
[00:08:04] Speaker B: Oh yeah, don't pick up a hard.
[00:08:06] Speaker A: Candy, you're going to get candy off the floor.
[00:08:09] Speaker C: No, no, it's in a packet.
[00:08:11] Speaker B: Still.
[00:08:11] Speaker C: Could be something like this.
[00:08:13] Speaker B: Those are all checked out.
Happy Halloween by the way. No, they've checked them out. They've been eating them out of my candy dish at home. You're looking at them. You want to hear Razzles?
[00:08:27] Speaker C: Were they. Were they developed by the Varieties pornographic magazine of the same name?
[00:08:33] Speaker B: I've never heard of my childhood Razzle.
[00:08:35] Speaker C: Razzle was a British porn man.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: Yeah, we didn't have it over here on this side of the pond.
[00:08:39] Speaker C: Did you have. Did you have Men Only?
[00:08:42] Speaker B: No.
[00:08:42] Speaker C: Did you have Fiesta?
[00:08:45] Speaker B: No, we had Cherry. Did you have that one?
[00:08:48] Speaker C: Nah.
[00:08:49] Speaker B: Did you have. Well, oui. You probably had Oui because that's French dub. O U I.
How about Club International?
[00:08:57] Speaker C: Club International? Yeah, that was a Paul Raymond.
[00:09:00] Speaker B: That's joint. Oh geez. You know, the purveyors of these pornographic magazines.
[00:09:05] Speaker C: There was only two porn empresarios in England. So you were aware of them?
[00:09:09] Speaker B: Kind of like Larry, Larry Flint over there. No, he didn't work over there.
[00:09:12] Speaker C: Larry Flint. Didn't know Larry Flint. And Bob Guccione.
[00:09:16] Speaker B: Oh, Bob Guccioni. Repentance.
Yeah.
[00:09:20] Speaker C: My mate was a severe porn addict.
But did you used to find porn underneath hedges and abandoned.
[00:09:30] Speaker B: What, in the woods you mean? Yeah, yeah. Underneath hedges, in the abandoned.
Jeffrey Chaucer over here in the woods. Yes. We would find.
[00:09:40] Speaker C: We would stumble across like middle aged men would be told get that porn out of the house. And then they just stash maybe for a new generation.
[00:09:47] Speaker A: I figured it was other like other teenagers.
[00:09:49] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what I.
[00:09:50] Speaker A: Because they couldn't keep it at home. Yeah, you hide in the woods.
It was always like where the teenagers hung out, you know?
Yeah, like they. Everyone's got that spot in the woods. Everybody goes to drink and smoke and you know, and then hide their part.
[00:10:03] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, that's what I always thought too. But it could have been middle aged men out there hiding it from their wives. I don't know.
[00:10:10] Speaker A: That's a sad state of affairs.
[00:10:12] Speaker B: My father always hid his hustlers underneath his sweaters in his sweater drawer.
[00:10:17] Speaker C: Foolproof.
[00:10:18] Speaker A: Yeah, sweaters.
[00:10:20] Speaker C: I bet it took you years to find them.
[00:10:22] Speaker A: Nah, there's only sweaters in here.
[00:10:24] Speaker B: I used to have to tiptoe from my room to his room. Get it, Tiptoe back into the bathroom, and then tiptoe back in there and put it back under the sweater. That's how that works.
[00:10:33] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:10:35] Speaker B: Okay, what do we want to start with here today? We've talked about your diet. We've talked about boner pills.
It's Halloween coming up.
[00:10:51] Speaker A: There's a lot of trick or treaters out last weekend. I noticed.
[00:10:55] Speaker B: What?
[00:10:56] Speaker A: Yeah, I was right.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: Like, St. Patrick's Day.
[00:10:59] Speaker A: Well, that's. That's the. Well, the thing is Halloween's on a weekend this year, so I'm looking, and all these kids are out trick or treating, I think. Can't you wait? It's a week away. You're supposed to wait until the day maybe the.
[00:11:08] Speaker C: Their parents want to get loaded.
[00:11:10] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:11:10] Speaker C: Friday. So they don't.
[00:11:12] Speaker B: Oh, it's gonna be a big one.
[00:11:13] Speaker A: Friday. No. Maybe. Yeah, maybe they all want to go out.
[00:11:15] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:11:16] Speaker A: Who goes out for Halloween?
[00:11:17] Speaker C: Anymore tickets?
[00:11:18] Speaker B: Kids?
[00:11:18] Speaker A: Well, yeah, Exactly. Unless you're 21 years old.
[00:11:21] Speaker C: Have you seen the ticket sales for this place? Friday and Saturday, big numbers.
[00:11:25] Speaker A: Yeah, of course.
[00:11:25] Speaker C: Abysmal. We're about to get annihilated.
[00:11:30] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:11:33] Speaker C: Financially.
[00:11:35] Speaker A: But adults, though, going out, dressing up for Halloween. I can't. I can't.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: Well, they go out parties. I came across a costume party walking the dog last weekend.
[00:11:44] Speaker A: Costume party. Come on.
[00:11:46] Speaker B: Yeah, well, you know, it's.
[00:11:48] Speaker A: People still do those. I thought that was like a. From the.
[00:11:50] Speaker B: For young people. That's how they. That's a fun way to meet and loosen up. And then you have. The young women will wear, like, provocative clothes, you know.
[00:11:59] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, I've been to those.
[00:12:00] Speaker B: Halloween.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: I have been to. But we didn't call them costume parties. I think of, like, costume part. I don't know.
[00:12:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:07] Speaker A: When I was a kid and like.
[00:12:08] Speaker C: You know, I already told you I was party. I was on. What's it. What's the island in New York style of man.
[00:12:18] Speaker B: Man.
Casinos, Long Island. Atlantic City.
[00:12:24] Speaker C: Atlantic City. I was on Atlantic City.
[00:12:27] Speaker B: Jersey, by the way.
[00:12:28] Speaker C: But Halloween. And that was something. I think I already spoke that when.
[00:12:31] Speaker B: You went with the whole.
[00:12:33] Speaker C: Yeah, that whole fiasco.
[00:12:36] Speaker B: That was Halloween.
[00:12:37] Speaker C: It was Halloween. Didn't even know until we got there.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: What did you go for there? Your Tootsie Roll fruity. It's a strawberry.
[00:12:47] Speaker A: Tootsie Roll. Let me chew it loudly on the mic.
[00:12:50] Speaker B: Now those razzles, those are. They appear to be candy and they start as candy, but you chew them into gum. That's Razzles. Have you Weird.
[00:12:58] Speaker C: The razzle and the flavor lasts about seven seconds.
[00:13:01] Speaker A: I was just gonna ask. Yeah, I could predict that.
[00:13:04] Speaker B: Well, I'm gonna eat a razzle because I want people to hear me chewing.
This is.
[00:13:10] Speaker A: Oh, boy.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: It sounds like I need a razzle.
[00:13:15] Speaker A: It was an all time high.
[00:13:17] Speaker C: That's the sound effect. Sort of goes with the porn mag.
It's like you reading razzle.
[00:13:26] Speaker A: It's an audiobook for porn.
[00:13:28] Speaker C: It's almost like you're jerking off into the mic.
[00:13:32] Speaker A: This is disgusting. This is the worst thing that's ever happened.
[00:13:36] Speaker B: Razzle.
[00:13:38] Speaker C: Razzle the man. The magazine for men who know.
[00:13:43] Speaker B: Bring in a copy next week.
We'll go through it. You don't keep any hard copies of men's magazines at home?
[00:13:51] Speaker C: Not with it.
[00:13:52] Speaker A: They're in the woods. Yeah, they're all under a bush.
[00:13:55] Speaker B: No, wait, wait, wait. What did he say? They're in the hedge. Abandoned.
[00:13:59] Speaker C: Yeah, I abandoned them in a hedgerow by hedgerow.
[00:14:03] Speaker A: Abandoned.
[00:14:03] Speaker C: Lane tech for the lane tech kids to find.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: I'm back there. Let me know where. Yeah, by the river, you know.
[00:14:09] Speaker C: You know there's that little strip of golf balls there.
[00:14:13] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I like back there.
[00:14:15] Speaker C: Put them all there for the kids from lane.
[00:14:18] Speaker B: Seems very. Seems very rapey over there, right?
[00:14:21] Speaker C: It's a skateboard park in.
[00:14:23] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a. Is the. The bike ramp, like the bike park?
[00:14:26] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, by the.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: I want to try. That looks cool.
Get a mountain bike and try to jump.
[00:14:34] Speaker B: Yeah, I've done it. They got some pretty good jumps.
[00:14:36] Speaker A: Is it hard?
[00:14:37] Speaker B: No, no, no.
[00:14:39] Speaker A: Get some speed. Pretty easy.
[00:14:40] Speaker B: Well, you could go ass over tea kettle.
[00:14:42] Speaker A: You could go ask.
[00:14:43] Speaker B: But that tea kettle sentence. You come up with, anything for him to say in American parlance?
[00:14:48] Speaker A: No, we don't really have much.
[00:14:49] Speaker B: Yeah, he knows everything.
[00:14:51] Speaker A: Exactly. Yeah, right. It's not gonna be a fun game.
[00:14:54] Speaker B: All right, I'd like to. Before we get started here, make a plea to my wife.
She listens to all these and she's caught up and she doesn't understand why you're not putting them out more frequently. I said, he said he puts them out every Wednesday. Yeah, right after.
Yeah, he said, no, he's not put any out. In a while.
For a while.
[00:15:14] Speaker C: I'm gonna have to take issue with your wife's statement and say that that is a load of Bollocks.
[00:15:21] Speaker B: Yeah. I also told my wife that we were doing that thing about what he can afford. And she claims that you are. She thinks you are sitting on a mountain of cash.
[00:15:32] Speaker A: It's a popular opinion.
[00:15:34] Speaker B: Other people here think that too. Yeah, you play the skin flint, but you are. You know what a skin flint is?
[00:15:41] Speaker A: Use that in a sentence.
[00:15:42] Speaker B: Use that in a sentence. Well, you are a skin flint, but you are sitting on a mountain of cash either made from this place or made in your basement or made some other way.
You are very rich man. You know, you heard about that guy who lived in like, he lived like, kind of like you eating ramen and cheese sandwich.
[00:16:02] Speaker C: Yeah, Ed, who funded this place.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that guy.
And he died with millions of dollars. And he looked. Everybody thought he was poor. That's you.
[00:16:13] Speaker C: I can refute that with. With hard evidence.
[00:16:16] Speaker B: Oh, you are rich. No, you're personal.
[00:16:19] Speaker C: I'm refuting it.
So first of all, this place loses about 90 grand a year. So there's no mountain of cash here.
So this place, we have to find 90 grand every year to keep the lights on.
[00:16:37] Speaker B: Well, if you find it, then you don't lose it.
[00:16:40] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. But if we don't find it, we lose it. Right, so we're always, you know, a nats bollock away from disaster here. Yeah, but yeah, so that's, that's, that's item A, refuted item B.
I actually aren't sitting on a mountain of cash. What I have done is I've had a cycle the last 15, 16 years where I will work like crazy, six points, 50, 60 hours.
[00:17:13] Speaker B: In the private sector.
[00:17:15] Speaker C: In the private sector slash comedy sector. The comedy sector doesn't pay me though.
[00:17:20] Speaker B: Doing your act. People are paying you doing this job. Okay, right.
[00:17:24] Speaker C: So I will work in the private sector in the lucrative. It. Pharmaceutical.
[00:17:30] Speaker B: It pharmaceutical. If anyone's hiring, is looking for hiring. You're looking for hiring right now.
[00:17:35] Speaker C: Nope, not right now. Because what I do is I save money, like effing crazy. I scrimp and save every penny I can get. And that will buy me a year of not working.
Now I'm still paying the mortgage and everything during that. And that's where all the money goes.
[00:17:58] Speaker B: The mortgage on your home. Yeah, I figured that was paid off next.
[00:18:03] Speaker C: End of next year.
[00:18:04] Speaker B: I would think you would have paid.
[00:18:05] Speaker C: That off end of next year. And we only paid it off 20.
[00:18:08] Speaker B: Years on that mortgage anyway.
[00:18:09] Speaker C: Well, no, no, no, it was the 30 year me and no, but you've already.
[00:18:12] Speaker B: You're already into 20 years on that thing, probably.
[00:18:14] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. And the missus managed to refi it and get another nine years wiped off. So end of next year, boom.
[00:18:22] Speaker B: That'll be nice.
[00:18:23] Speaker C: Yes, that will be nice because then I'll be able to maybe do a year on, year off a until I, you know, fucking croak or retire or whatever.
[00:18:34] Speaker B: Say what you're going to do a year on, year off. Oh, every year you're going to continue to do that. Who hires you for just a year and then rehires you?
[00:18:42] Speaker C: It contracts are a fair year.
[00:18:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:45] Speaker C: Normally you're that good. I was hoping.
Yeah, I was hoping to do maybe three years, one year kind of split. But, you know, life being what it is and stuff, Covid and this and that and the other, it turned into five years.
[00:18:59] Speaker B: One year, five years on, one year off. So right now you're in the midst.
[00:19:03] Speaker C: Of the year off, getting towards the end of it.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. You're going back to work soon.
[00:19:07] Speaker C: Yep. I'll be down to the bones of my ass in a couple of months and then I got to get back on the horse, so. So, yeah, you. I'm not going to totally refute the claim. There are times where if you look in my bank account, you'll go, wow, this guy's minted. Yes, but it don't take long windows. It dwindles very rapidly when you've got a mortgage millstone around your neck.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
Well, you've got dual income, right? You're a DILF.
[00:19:37] Speaker C: No, Mrs. Is retired now.
[00:19:40] Speaker B: Well, she's drawing something off of a pension or 401k.
[00:19:43] Speaker C: She didn't make that much money because she was in travel, but she was established, astoundingly smart with it, whereas I wasn't.
So I, I pretty much up until the age of 40 was, you know, earn it, spend it, earn it, spend.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: Living hand to mouth, as they say in our country.
[00:20:03] Speaker C: Well, I wouldn't say that because if you're in it, you're not living hand to mouth. You more.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: Well, some guys. Depends what you're doing in it.
[00:20:12] Speaker C: Well, hand to mouth to me is like a coal miner is, you know, emphysema. And you're not doing that in it.
[00:20:20] Speaker B: Well, you take anyone you know, working in the service industry, minimum wage, retail.
[00:20:24] Speaker C: Hand them out hand to mouth. That is hand to mouth necessarily.
Anyway, where were we?
[00:20:31] Speaker B: I don't know. You know, this is a podcast about stand up comedy.
[00:20:35] Speaker C: Well, you fucking.
[00:20:36] Speaker B: You went into your whole life story about.
I just wanted to say you had a Mountain of cash, you just say. Yeah, I do.
[00:20:41] Speaker A: I thought you're doing a clever segue with the emphysema thing.
[00:20:44] Speaker C: No.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: Oh. From the coal miner thing.
[00:20:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:47] Speaker C: So I'm saying.
[00:20:47] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, we'll get into that.
[00:20:49] Speaker C: It's partially true.
[00:20:51] Speaker B: I know. I know.
[00:20:52] Speaker C: Sometime I do have a mountain of cash. Other times.
[00:20:55] Speaker B: Well, she'll be happy to hear this.
[00:20:56] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:20:57] Speaker B: Whenever she hears it.
[00:20:58] Speaker C: Well, she'll be the only one on Wednesday.
[00:21:00] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, this one will be a month. How many are we behind?
[00:21:03] Speaker C: So it's basically I record, I go home, I edit, and it gets scheduled for a month.
So we've got a month.
[00:21:12] Speaker B: Month. In the can.
[00:21:12] Speaker C: In the can.
[00:21:13] Speaker B: All right, well, three weeks, because we're taking away Andrew Santino because.
[00:21:19] Speaker C: No, that's published. That's right.
[00:21:20] Speaker B: You already published that one.
[00:21:21] Speaker C: It's not published.
[00:21:22] Speaker A: It's queued, scheduled.
[00:21:23] Speaker B: I don't like that one.
[00:21:25] Speaker C: I did remove.
Bit your offensive bits.
[00:21:30] Speaker B: Another about me calling him a piece of shit.
[00:21:33] Speaker C: No, no, I didn't remove that.
[00:21:34] Speaker B: Yeah, I feel bad about that. I don't know this man. I should be calling him a piece of shit.
[00:21:38] Speaker C: You remember the Patreon?
[00:21:39] Speaker B: Yeah, I remember that. You took that out.
[00:21:41] Speaker C: I took all that.
[00:21:41] Speaker B: Okay, that's good. But am I okay to be calling Andrew Santino a piece of shit white supremacist? That could be considered liable. Not that this goes anywhere, but. Right. Am I allowed to say that?
[00:21:53] Speaker C: If I would just. If some lawyer came to me and said, that's liable, take it down. I'd say, all right, I'll take it down.
[00:21:59] Speaker B: Oh, that's all they do.
[00:22:00] Speaker C: There's seven people already listen to it.
[00:22:03] Speaker A: Yeah. How does that work? Yeah, I was just gonna ask the same thing.
[00:22:06] Speaker C: I think. I think when they sue for libel, you know, you.
It's not just like you call me a twat.
Like, it's like you call me a twat in front of 10 million people.
[00:22:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:18] Speaker C: You know, you put it in a newspaper with a circulate. There's a scale of.
You know what I mean? So a podcast listened to by seven people.
[00:22:28] Speaker B: It's like if a tree falls in the woods.
[00:22:30] Speaker C: Yeah, right.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: If you call Andrew Santino a piece of shit in the woods, nobody hears it.
[00:22:34] Speaker B: Well, I still. I still feel bad about calling him a piece of shit. I don't know him.
[00:22:39] Speaker C: Well, back it out.
[00:22:41] Speaker B: Here's my chance. Don't edit this.
Andrew Santino, I want to say this to you. I don't know you.
I watched your one special. I don't remember the name white noise. And I didn't care for a lot of the jokes. It seemed to be racist, misogynistic, punching down on marginal members of society.
[00:23:00] Speaker C: You just doubled down.
[00:23:02] Speaker B: No, I'm not done. But in calling you a white supremacist, I don't know that to be true. And. And I'm guessing you're not.
And to say that you're a piece of shit, I don't. I.
I don't think that I want to take that back.
And if you were to come in, into the show and sit down, I would apologize to you in person for those comments.
Right. That said, I didn't care for your act.
Yeah. Moving on.
[00:23:28] Speaker A: I'm glad we got that out of the way.
[00:23:30] Speaker B: I do that every week.
All right.
I never did my plea to my wife, but forget it.
[00:23:37] Speaker C: I'm having another fruity.
[00:23:39] Speaker B: Yeah, I can hear that. You love fruities.
You got a sweet tooth. Not just chocolate. You like. You like sweets.
It's your downfall.
Well, you can. You can. You can sit on a mountain of cash when you eat ramen and cheese sandwich every day.
[00:23:54] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: That's how you save. Yeah, you're like the British Sue's Ormond.
Susie Ormond. You know her Financial person. Susie Ormond give you all the financial advice.
[00:24:04] Speaker C: Why she eats ramen, I don't know.
[00:24:06] Speaker B: But she knows how to save.
[00:24:07] Speaker A: A doesn't eat Snickers bars.
[00:24:09] Speaker B: Yeah, well, she might.
[00:24:11] Speaker A: Those are too pricey.
[00:24:12] Speaker B: Those are pricey.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: A dollar a bar now next week.
[00:24:15] Speaker B: I'll bring in all my kids Halloween candy, dump it on the table because they get too much of it.
[00:24:20] Speaker C: Have we still got those goddamn things that he bought in. In the fridge that I bought?
[00:24:25] Speaker A: Those gummy, The. The. The buttons. I'm pretty sure I tossed those.
[00:24:29] Speaker B: Oh, the. Oh, the candy buttons. Yeah, I just put those in the fridge. They don't need.
[00:24:33] Speaker A: I put them in the freezer so that the fruit flies wouldn't be attracted to them.
[00:24:36] Speaker B: Oh, did you open them and eat it?
[00:24:38] Speaker A: Yeah, they were. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I did. I opened. Yeah. And I ate a couple of them. And they were.
[00:24:42] Speaker C: Who eats sweets that are nailed to a piece of cardboard?
[00:24:45] Speaker B: I know. It's an old time.
[00:24:46] Speaker A: I hate some paper.
[00:24:47] Speaker B: Yeah, I like old timey candy.
There's a cinnamon drop there.
[00:24:52] Speaker C: Do you like blackjacks?
[00:24:54] Speaker B: I don't.
I like a Mary Jane.
Like a Mary Jane?
[00:24:59] Speaker C: You mean?
[00:24:59] Speaker B: Is this candy?
[00:25:01] Speaker C: Is this some Adam Kroch's Mary Jane?
Little of that tea, huh? A little of that tea? Little Mary Jane.
[00:25:08] Speaker B: I wonder if he's listening to our program.
Well, I came in saying I didn't want to talk because I'm a little out of sorts, guys.
[00:25:17] Speaker A: Why is that?
[00:25:18] Speaker B: I have not made love in quite a long time.
My plea to my wife.
[00:25:25] Speaker A: You want a sound effect?
[00:25:26] Speaker B: What?
[00:25:26] Speaker C: Yeah, No, I was gonna toss in the. The.
[00:25:29] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, this. The silver sildenafil.
[00:25:31] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Well, that's not why. I'm fine in that department. Just something happened a couple weeks ago.
[00:25:38] Speaker A: What?
[00:25:38] Speaker B: My wife. I can't say.
[00:25:39] Speaker A: Well, then why'd you bring it up.
[00:25:40] Speaker B: With my wife and I, and since then haven't made love. We've had two couple days where we're just. We're just not doing it.
[00:25:49] Speaker A: And you're not going to tell us?
[00:25:51] Speaker B: I can't.
[00:25:53] Speaker C: Well, can we do a game where.
[00:25:55] Speaker B: We do with her more than me? I'm fine. It's something to do with her. And it's driven a wedge, the assumptions that you're creating. Yeah, yeah, I know she's listening. This will be, what, four weeks after today? But if we're still not making love at this point, while you're listening, I'm going to take this cdafinil and I'm going to.
[00:26:21] Speaker C: Are you going to abuse the Halloween pumpkin on the front porch?
[00:26:26] Speaker B: I'm going to do something.
I don't know what, but I'm going to take this enormous cidafino lozenge, and you better run.
Does that sound threatening?
[00:26:37] Speaker C: Can you threaten a little bit?
[00:26:39] Speaker B: You better run, wife. You better run.
So, please, I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did after the thing happened with you, but I want to make love again.
[00:26:56] Speaker C: I know what he did.
[00:26:57] Speaker B: I didn't really do anything.
[00:27:00] Speaker A: Come on.
[00:27:01] Speaker B: Has to do with her.
[00:27:03] Speaker C: I. I know what he. I. I know what he attempted to do. Let's say, let's put it that way.
[00:27:08] Speaker B: You don't know anything about what I did. I just know that she's listening. And I love you very much.
I want to be with you again.
[00:27:17] Speaker A: All right, so, Doug Stanhope.
[00:27:25] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:27:26] Speaker C: I was going to leave it. As much silence as possible.
[00:27:28] Speaker B: Yeah, leave it. Leave it.
Did you get another haircut?
[00:27:32] Speaker C: Do a crumb. Crumply crumple. Yeah, mine was $22 boricks.
[00:27:37] Speaker B: Where'd he go?
[00:27:37] Speaker C: $5 tip. Great clip, great clips. Or whatever it's called.
[00:27:41] Speaker B: No, over by the Jewel. Yeah, that one where you get the hot dogs. Did you get the hot dog today? Obviously not if you ate that too early.
Head over there after this had to.
[00:27:49] Speaker C: Come in to curate the clown paintings. I was in way too early.
[00:27:53] Speaker A: I think we're on the same haircut cycle because this happened last time. You had just gotten yours. You, I think maybe had just gotten yours, and I was about to get mine, and I'm due for one.
[00:28:02] Speaker B: Yeah. So you still go to that motorcycle mechanic?
[00:28:05] Speaker C: Is this like a women thing? So, like, we're. We're on. They have menstruals.
[00:28:09] Speaker A: That's.
[00:28:10] Speaker C: Yeah, we have.
[00:28:11] Speaker A: I was getting towards. Yep.
[00:28:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:14] Speaker A: No, I, I. After I said on this podcast how much I was paying over there, I realized.
[00:28:19] Speaker B: He heard of it?
[00:28:20] Speaker A: No, I just realized he's one of our seven listeners.
I went down the street to Aaron.
He gave me a fade.
[00:28:31] Speaker B: Oh, where's that at?
[00:28:33] Speaker A: It's just like. It's up the block over here. It's like, just north of here on Milwaukee. I'm gonna go back too, but I'm gonna ask him this time to make it a little more subtle so I don't look as ridiculous as I did last time.
[00:28:42] Speaker C: You see, you've got a full head of hair. You could do a flat top. Fucking go for it.
[00:28:48] Speaker A: Just do it.
[00:28:48] Speaker B: Yeah, it's a lot of maintenance.
I prefer. Maybe it's worth lap head like you. Low maintenance.
[00:28:54] Speaker A: Yeah, right. Yeah.
[00:28:55] Speaker C: But imagine.
[00:28:56] Speaker A: You have to think about it.
[00:28:57] Speaker C: If you. If you're. If your missus is on the nest right now, so to speak, imagine what that's gonna.
[00:29:02] Speaker B: Pregnant.
[00:29:03] Speaker C: No, no, just, you know, game. Game day is off.
[00:29:08] Speaker B: If my wife is on the nest, I mean, she's gamey for sex. No, not the opposite. Not. She's on the nest.
[00:29:13] Speaker C: But if you walk in with a.
[00:29:14] Speaker B: Flat top, she's up on blocks right now.
[00:29:16] Speaker C: You walk in with. You walk in with a flat top, she's not gonna be able to resist. Think. Yeah, Full kid. A kid in play. High flat top.
[00:29:25] Speaker B: I don't have the hair for that. My hair is too fine.
[00:29:27] Speaker C: You. You must dye your hair. You haven't got a gray hair on there.
[00:29:31] Speaker B: Well, neither do you.
[00:29:32] Speaker C: I'm as gray as a badger. What are you talking about?
[00:29:36] Speaker B: I didn't know badgers were gray.
[00:29:37] Speaker A: I thought they were brown.
[00:29:38] Speaker B: Yeah, but I don't see any gray hair at all.
[00:29:41] Speaker C: You must dye your hair.
[00:29:42] Speaker B: I don't dye my hair. I don't have any gray hair. Fucking think I at 50.
I got a little here. Look at my beard I got in here. I would Grecian that out if I was doing my hair.
If I cared about that.
Speaking of 50. Let's talk about today's comedian, Doug Stanhope.
[00:30:02] Speaker C: Yay.
[00:30:03] Speaker B: Beer hall putsch.
[00:30:06] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:30:06] Speaker B: Pooch putts.
Punch put.
Which is explained in the intro as something to do with Hitler.
All right, Christian, I've got to know why you've chosen Doug Stanhope for us to watch.
[00:30:24] Speaker A: That's a great question, especially on the.
[00:30:26] Speaker B: Heels of Andrew Santino.
[00:30:28] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
You know, I don't really know. I think somebody had brought him up recently. So he was just on my mind last week when we were doing this, and I thought, you know what? I've never watched a Doug Stanhope special. I have some friends that love Doug Stanhope and will often imitate his style of comedy. Yeah.
[00:30:48] Speaker C: And they're all white men in their light.
[00:30:51] Speaker A: Actually, the. The two guys I'm thinking about are my two Mexican friends that really are. Yeah, watch him. They love him, and they. You can tell when you talk to these guys. I mean, it's almost like a. They're doing his act when they're in the conversation. Yeah.
[00:31:05] Speaker B: Well, this is 2013. He's chosen an oldie.
[00:31:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:11] Speaker B: I imagine Doug Stanhope still working today and doing well.
[00:31:16] Speaker A: Yeah. And I did choose this one particularly, because I did. Once I decided on Doug Stanhope, I did a little Internet research, you know, went to Reddit, kind of like, what's his best special? Read all the comments. You know, everybody's got different opinions, and you just kind of like, see, like, where the Venn diagram overlaps the most. And, you know, and you read about the specials, and you're like, I think this is the one. So that's why this was the special. Out of his many.
[00:31:40] Speaker B: He's got many.
[00:31:41] Speaker A: Yeah, he's got a lot of them out there.
[00:31:42] Speaker C: Well, I was talking with Kyle Scanlon the other day and saying, well, you know, I got very few things left to do in comedy. I thought about reaching out to Stanhope for the. Our 25th anniversary celebration next year. So you've never done the Lodge with Totally aligned philosophically.
And then we both said, you know.
[00:32:03] Speaker B: Wait a minute, wait a minute.
[00:32:04] Speaker C: This is. Fan base has got to be aging out at this point. Wait, Stanhope's.
[00:32:09] Speaker B: You just said that the Lodge and Doug Stanhope philosophies align philosophy, philosophically aligned. Say, how.
[00:32:17] Speaker C: How was that politically? And also.
Well, that's what probably with me. But Stanhope had this great. Did you ever used to go to his website when that was a thing? So he would talk about, like, comedians, stop being beholden to comedy club.
Rent a goddamn space. Produce your Own show and keep all the money and stuff. And I was like, yeah, that's the punk rock.
[00:32:42] Speaker B: Oh, that. That philosophy.
[00:32:43] Speaker C: That sort of philosophy. And then, you know, there's some of his stuff on stage that I'm like, not totally aligned with, but it ain't a million miles off. But anyway, the whole point that I was trying to get to was we were fit. We were feeling like, wow, it's. His crowd is aging out. You know what I mean? I'm on kind of the high end age wise. And like, someone like Kyle is probably on the low end of that, but that's not a big window.
[00:33:16] Speaker B: He's what? He's what? He's our age. He's.
[00:33:19] Speaker A: I think he's 58. 58.
[00:33:21] Speaker B: He is, yep. Wow.
[00:33:22] Speaker C: Yeah. I think a lot of the youth of today, your early 20s, maybe, you know, early to late 20s, early 30s, they're not going to like Stanhope.
[00:33:31] Speaker A: No, no, I don't think so.
[00:33:33] Speaker B: That's why when you said he's aligned philosophically with the Lodge, I was like, what? Not the Lodge is comedy. Not most of the. The comedy that's performed here. You wouldn't see someone like Doug Stano coming through here. That's why I was like, what?
He at least as performed here, maybe his act has evolved from this. But this is like one step away from the man show, right?
[00:33:56] Speaker C: No, I'm gonna disagree with that.
[00:33:59] Speaker B: You think? Okay, well, we'll talk. Get into that.
Right.
I found this to be very caveman. Like, now there's some smart stuff maybe in here, but he takes some swings at folks in here.
[00:34:17] Speaker C: Well, he takes swings at the far left, but I don't think he ever steps away from the left. I think he's on the left, but he's looking at people on the far left going, you guys are nuts. And I think he actually talks about that.
And. And the youth of today don't have a sense of humor or an openness to critics.
[00:34:44] Speaker B: They don't. That's true. That's true. Right?
[00:34:47] Speaker C: Well, actually, I don't want to say that that sounds a bit Seinfeldesque. They. They do have a sense of humor, but they do not want to hear criticism of whatever viewpoint they're espousing. So he laces into the Occupy movement, thus dating his Twitter. And I don't think the youth of today will. No, no, we were doing something blah, blah, blah, instead of going, yeah, maybe he's got a point.
[00:35:15] Speaker B: I thought maybe if you were to choose a different title for the special it would be Doug Stanhope. I am mean.
Is he another guy? At least to me. And maybe I'm in a maybe because my wife and I have made love for a couple weeks, whatever. But I found Andrew Santino to be mean, right? And I'm watching this, and this guy's just mean. And I don't want to hear somebody be mean.
[00:35:40] Speaker A: Sensitive.
[00:35:41] Speaker B: I guess.
I. I did not like the opening bit about Jake. Not the opening bit, but the one of the early bits about Jake LaMotta, the boxer, being 91 and being more or less in a vegetative state.
[00:35:57] Speaker A: Right.
[00:35:57] Speaker B: And. And having dementia. And. And he really took a lot of shots at this poor old man and made fun of him for being, you know, incoherent and having dementia.
[00:36:10] Speaker A: That whole story about going to the play that I thought was great.
Oh, my God. I would mean that's. I would love to do something like. Yeah, I get the humor in that. You know, that's.
[00:36:20] Speaker C: He was criticizing the wife, exploiting this husk of a man.
[00:36:26] Speaker A: He was also kind of making fun.
[00:36:27] Speaker B: Of exploiting the man himself, him and.
[00:36:30] Speaker A: His friends for being excited about hanging out with the guy. And, of course, I mean, the guy gets there, he's 91 years old, and they're like, oh, shit. Well, yeah, we didn't really think this thing, you know, he's just.
I guess he put an eggplant on the couch. You know, you're not really hanging out with.
[00:36:42] Speaker C: I don't know if this excuses it or not, but if you watch any Stanhope special, there is a thread throughout where he reiterates, I'm a stupid piece of. I'm a stupid. He never, ever says, I am better than you, because he always.
Do you feel like this?
[00:37:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:03] Speaker C: I've watched virtually all of his specials. I should really full. Full was disclosure.
Love Doug Stanhope from the get go. But then I was like a Bill Hicks a file. And he was. Yeah, and he was the natural. He was like. Everyone went, okay, Hicks is dead. Now who's our guy? Is this guy?
[00:37:24] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't like this kind of comedy.
[00:37:26] Speaker C: See, But I guess there's a psychological aspect, right? When I was a. You. When I was a kid, I was very much on the bottom social. Wrong.
Very much. You know, all of me and my mates were the bottom social rung of the social ladder. And for me, comedy is a weapon in a hand, right? And a lot of people don't want that. But to me, somebody grow up me, I'm like, yeah, comedy should be a sword and you can use that sword to fight back. To fight back against those on the social rungs above you, which for me was everyone.
So mean comedy doesn't necessarily bug me. Like, I think mean comedy has been told to go away in the 21st century, right?
[00:38:12] Speaker A: Oh, for sure, yeah. But there's a. There's a quality to it. There's.
It's almost like there's. There's something deeper than. It's just. It's not just mean, you know, like there's like you're saying a psychological thing.
[00:38:24] Speaker B: Well, let's go to the bit that is probably the.
Has the most gravitas of all the bits in here. It's the one about his mother, Right. And him assisted suiciding his mother.
Right.
I wrote big across my notes horrifying that this guy's making light of the death of his mother, Murdering his mother, sort of, in a way, right.
And she's sober, right. And he gets her drunk to die, right. While odinger on morphine and making fun of her and all this. And I'm thinking, this is horrible, just horrible.
[00:39:08] Speaker A: It's another example, though, of how comedy got him through it, though, you know, I mean, that's obviously a horrible and traumatic experience, but his sense of humor and looking at it through the comedic lens is what allowed him to.
[00:39:22] Speaker C: Why was that wrong? And yet that guy that you fell in love with two weeks ago, talking about getting Caleb.
Yeah, I love Caleb.
Caleb Heron did a thing about getting the phone call about his father's death. Yeah, not a problem.
Not a problem.
[00:39:41] Speaker B: Apparently that was different. That's way different.
This guy euthanized his mother.
[00:39:50] Speaker A: Yeah, but she kind of euthanized herself, though. I'm not saying euthanized, but it was her idea, though. Like, she's the one that wanted to do it. He just. I think he was a good guy for helping out.
[00:40:00] Speaker B: For getting her drunk on her deathbed. Taking away her clarity in that moment, in the final moments of her life.
[00:40:06] Speaker A: No, she planned it. It was ahead of time. You know, he put the little bottles of booze there, he got her the pills and he said, call me whenever. It's not football Sunday.
[00:40:13] Speaker B: Now's time. The time when you start drinking again when you're about to die.
[00:40:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:40:17] Speaker B: As you exit this world.
[00:40:18] Speaker A: It makes sense.
[00:40:19] Speaker B: It does.
[00:40:20] Speaker A: Yeah, it makes sense.
[00:40:21] Speaker B: Yeah, it does.
[00:40:22] Speaker A: Of course.
[00:40:24] Speaker B: Is this because I haven't made love in two weeks?
[00:40:27] Speaker A: Maybe this is why you haven't made love?
[00:40:29] Speaker B: Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Here's the other thing. I watched Both these last two specials at 6 o' clock in the morning.
That could be it.
[00:40:37] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:40:37] Speaker B: Maybe that's not time to watch comedy.
[00:40:39] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:40:40] Speaker A: I watched this one at 9:30 and that was still a little early in the morning. Yeah.
[00:40:43] Speaker C: I keep breaking them into two. That's. That's problematic.
[00:40:47] Speaker A: I do that sometimes.
[00:40:49] Speaker B: But I really think. I know we've talked about this. The state of mind you're in obviously affects whether or not you like something. Maybe I would like this at a different time of the day if I had been making love. Whatever. Right. But I don't like it. And here's the other thing.
[00:41:05] Speaker C: He.
[00:41:05] Speaker A: He.
[00:41:05] Speaker B: He takes lots of shots of people who are sober. I'm more or less a sober person.
Healthy people are trying to live healthy. I'm doing my very best to live as healthy as I can.
Vegans. I am a vegan.
Sort of.
People who have kids. I have four kids.
People who are religious. I am a devout Catholic. I know you don't like that about me. Right.
He's a against everything I believe in.
[00:41:33] Speaker C: You forgot to mention marriage.
[00:41:34] Speaker B: Which Marriage.
[00:41:35] Speaker C: Right. We're having multiple stuff.
[00:41:39] Speaker B: He's against everything I believe in. This guy is the scum of the earth.
Wait a minute.
[00:41:44] Speaker C: You're going to have to back this next week. But here's. Okay, here. Allow me to espouse my theory as to your reaction to this.
I wrote in big letters with three exclamation points afterwards.
Nihilist.
I think there's a little nihilism envy going on here.
[00:42:06] Speaker B: That's a. I've been mischaracterized at the beginning of this program about someone is.
[00:42:11] Speaker C: Standing on stage tearing these things down and you're not doing it. And Bill's a little bit jealous. A little bit jealous.
A little bit jealous of the nihilism going on next.
[00:42:25] Speaker A: I thought this would be right up your alley.
[00:42:27] Speaker C: No.
[00:42:28] Speaker A: God. You know, he goes on for like 15 minutes about having sex with NFL football player.
[00:42:33] Speaker C: Oh my. He's done.
[00:42:34] Speaker B: That was disgusting.
[00:42:35] Speaker C: He did that in another special.
[00:42:37] Speaker A: Did he?
Was it. Was it filmed or was it a special?
[00:42:42] Speaker C: Either. I effed up and didn't recognize watching this one before.
He's definitely had another special where he talked about running onto the American football field and raping a player like in front of. And he talks about, oh my big floppy God. I got. And I'm like. It's not like Stanhope, to repeat.
[00:43:07] Speaker B: I don't know. This is the first I've seen. I mean, I remember from back in the day and how you know, when he came on the scene, kind of. He did the comedy festival, right. He was part of that, right?
[00:43:18] Speaker C: Actually, yeah. I skipped onto his. You know, he's got a new one out.
[00:43:21] Speaker A: No.
[00:43:22] Speaker C: And so he's got a new one out, and that's free somewhere. And I skipped onto that just to let the first five minutes run. And there was a picture from the Chicago Comedy Fest.
[00:43:31] Speaker B: Really?
[00:43:32] Speaker C: Montage of pictures that he really. Absolutely. You might be. You might be in it. You might be in.
[00:43:38] Speaker B: I might be in it.
[00:43:39] Speaker C: You might be in that picture. And therefore, by extension, in a Doug Stanhope special.
[00:43:45] Speaker A: Hey.
[00:43:48] Speaker C: That'S something to think on.
[00:43:49] Speaker B: Now, listen, I think of you guys as relatively smart. You know, this comedy, it's. It's all about drinking. Ah, drinking. I love drinking. I mean, could anything be more dumb than that? Let's drink.
What would be sober in life if.
[00:44:07] Speaker A: I could drink on the surface?
[00:44:10] Speaker C: But you just ex. I don't like that bit. But I just blank it out. Okay. He's gonna. Football.
[00:44:17] Speaker B: It's like, meathead.
[00:44:19] Speaker C: Yeah, that made me laugh.
Yeah. That's how I thought it was a repeat of the bit. Because he talked about. He has talked about being really into American football for. And going, don't get into me about it. Everyone has one dumb, brainless thing, right? Like, and this is mine. Yeah, he's talked about that before.
[00:44:41] Speaker A: Yeah. And that. That is. He does that whole thing as a bit, which I think is. Yeah, he's not talking about football, saying, football's great, you know, and.
[00:44:48] Speaker B: Yes, he is.
[00:44:50] Speaker A: He's saying it's great to him. He's not saying it's great. And you all should agree with me. He's saying, this is the dumb thing. I do. We all like Mark. I'm not gonna repeat Mark. You know, he just said.
[00:44:59] Speaker C: He says he's dumb.
[00:45:00] Speaker A: He said, this is my dumb thing. You have a dumb thing too.
[00:45:03] Speaker B: Am I stupid?
[00:45:04] Speaker A: And that's true. Everybody does. And, you know, when you think about it, remember when everybody was saying sports ball for a while? Do you remember this? Oh, God, I thought that was so stupid. All of a sudden, it was very trendy to dislike sports and to act like you. Oh, I don't watch sports. I have no idea what. I don't even know what's going on. And these people would be at a bar watching a football game, being like, oh, go, sports ball. Acting like they're so out of the intellectual realm of understanding what sports are that they don't even know what to call it. And it was a bit. And it was stupid and that. I used to think that, too. Like, guys, it was for the Internet. It was like Reddit, you know, and Instagram or something.
But, yeah, it's like the same people saying that. I mean, they. I was always thinking the same thing. Like, you have your thing that you like that I don't understand, you know, and I don't need to understand. You can go like that thing. You know, I'm not gonna walk in and call it a different name.
[00:45:58] Speaker C: So, you know, I think when you're a teenager, you're like, if I don't like it, it's wrong. And. And then as you age, you're like, yeah, we've all got stupid, right?
[00:46:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:46:08] Speaker A: Yeah. This is my. This is my stupid thing. You got your stupid thing, Bill, what's your stupid thing that I like to do? Yeah.
[00:46:17] Speaker C: Oh, your American football team is resurgent.
[00:46:20] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I like football. I just don't like the way this guy talks about liking football or liking drinking or what. Just dumb, you know? It's dumb.
I just thought it was done.
[00:46:54] Speaker C: Should I leave that in?
[00:46:55] Speaker B: Yeah, Yeah.
[00:46:58] Speaker C: I knew you'd break first.
[00:47:00] Speaker A: I don't.
[00:47:01] Speaker B: Well, I think less of you guys now are liking this. You guys are meatheads.
[00:47:07] Speaker A: If you like, this is like, what is it?
[00:47:09] Speaker B: Joe Rogan meets.
Who else is a jerk? Andrew Santino, Carolla, Adam Carolla, early Jimmy Kimmel, man. Show idiotic junk.
[00:47:27] Speaker C: Should we get straight to the vote, then?
[00:47:30] Speaker A: I thought you were really gonna like this.
[00:47:31] Speaker B: Really?
[00:47:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:47:32] Speaker B: In fact, I wrote if I have to keep watching comedians like these, meaning this guy and then the last guy, I'm out. I'm done. I quit the show.
[00:47:42] Speaker A: You threaten this every week.
[00:47:44] Speaker B: If at the end of this show, you pull out some other guy that.
I feel like we're in a stretch of, like, the.
The. The jerks of comedy.
[00:47:53] Speaker C: And yet it's both white male, straight comedians that you had demanded we stick to.
[00:47:59] Speaker B: No, I was being facetious when I said that.
[00:48:03] Speaker C: I didn't see a lot of irony, facetiousness in the comments.
[00:48:07] Speaker B: It's facetious.
You know, my favorite comedian is Caleb Huron, right.
[00:48:14] Speaker C: Who is only two of those three things. So.
[00:48:16] Speaker B: Yeah, so I can't take it. I can't take another comedian like this.
All right. It's.
[00:48:24] Speaker A: It is the jealousy thing, isn't it?
[00:48:26] Speaker B: No, it's not.
[00:48:29] Speaker A: There's no other reason for you not to, like.
[00:48:32] Speaker C: Yeah, right. Yeah.
[00:48:33] Speaker B: No. If I'm this kind of comedian, you.
[00:48:35] Speaker C: Can love Dice Clay.
[00:48:37] Speaker B: I don't love Dice Clay.
Ironically. I do.
Ironically, but not really.
[00:48:44] Speaker A: But that is.
[00:48:46] Speaker B: I like him an ironic way.
[00:48:48] Speaker A: Either you like them or you don't.
[00:48:50] Speaker B: Yeah, then I don't.
[00:48:51] Speaker C: We're not 23 years old anymore, Bill. We can't be liking ironically.
[00:48:56] Speaker B: Why not?
[00:48:56] Speaker C: We either like yes or like no.
[00:48:59] Speaker A: It's binary.
Yeah.
[00:49:03] Speaker C: Yeah.
Doug Stanhope did my favorite. One of my favorite jokes ever, because I tried to think of a way to frame up what he said for years and couldn't. And then I watched one of his specials, and he came up with this. The whole bit is your.
The music of today doesn't suck. The movies of today don't suck.
Your life sucks now. And you equate them. So all these old farts going. We had proper music back in my day.
No, you were getting laid, having a good time, and had no commitments. And therefore you equate that music being good to the other. Goodness. The music sucks now because your life sucks now. And I.
For years, I'd been trying to like.
And then, boom, there it is. Stanhope framed up, delivered perfectly.
[00:50:02] Speaker B: Oh, he said that?
[00:50:03] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:50:05] Speaker B: I thought you were saying that I don't like this special because my life sucks.
[00:50:10] Speaker C: Yeah. Now, if we back it. If we back it in, that's could be a whole thing. Because you and I had the same trajectory. Right. Grew up loving comedy, devouring it, worshiping it.
[00:50:26] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:50:26] Speaker C: And then just same point down the other side of the.
[00:50:30] Speaker B: Yes. But you continued operating a comedy club.
[00:50:32] Speaker C: We've been through this. It's political.
[00:50:36] Speaker B: And I. And I went into ice.
[00:50:39] Speaker C: And you. You want. You. Your. My solution was keep the good bits. Keep it going. Your solution, of course, was nihilism. Destroy it.
[00:50:48] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:50:49] Speaker C: That's where we branched.
[00:50:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
Well.
[00:50:59] Speaker C: Should we do the vote and then find out who's next?
[00:51:02] Speaker B: I guess.
[00:51:03] Speaker C: Well, how many minutes?
[00:51:05] Speaker A: 50. 51 now. Almost 52.
[00:51:08] Speaker C: All right.
This is very, very special.
Could be the specialist. Wow. What?
[00:51:16] Speaker B: Wow, what?
I don't even know you.
I can't believe it. I thought you were going to agree with me.
Well, you seem to like it.
[00:51:28] Speaker A: Yeah, I liked it. It's special.
[00:51:29] Speaker C: I don't think it's his best work, though, funnily enough.
[00:51:31] Speaker A: That's what. That's what the research I saw said it was like. It might not be his best special, but it.
I liked the fact that it was shot where it was shot, too. We didn't talk about that. It was shot in, like, a.
It was like a handheld camera and like a small theater.
[00:51:46] Speaker C: Dante's in Portland.
[00:51:48] Speaker A: Portland was It. Oregon.
[00:51:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:51:51] Speaker A: Or the other Portland.
[00:51:53] Speaker C: And then. No, because he kept talking about.
[00:51:56] Speaker B: You. How about the outfit? He had like a Tony Clifton lounge, white shoes.
[00:52:02] Speaker C: Yeah, he does that.
I don't know.
[00:52:05] Speaker B: Yeah. And then the. Sipping the drink out of the straw, please.
[00:52:09] Speaker A: Does that bother you when people drink out of the stir stick? Yeah, it bothers me too. It always has.
[00:52:14] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:52:16] Speaker A: It's a stir stick. It's not a straw. Stop drinking out of it.
[00:52:20] Speaker B: Do you think Doug Stanhope is a nice guy? You may. You know him a little bit, Right. Is he a nice fellow?
[00:52:24] Speaker C: I don't know him at all, actually.
I know a lot about him because I used to go, he. He had this. He was like one of the early comedians of, like, okay, I need web presence. And he used to have this baiting and trolling section of his website that had me in tears of laughter where he would bait these, like, pedophiles into a chat room and, like, get them all wound up and then just write them. He had a book. He did write a book about his mom's death, though, Right.
[00:52:59] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:53:00] Speaker B: Euthanized her.
[00:53:01] Speaker C: Yeah. I think he wrote a whole thing about the experience of her. Yeah. He must. Deciding she wanted to die and sort of assist.
[00:53:08] Speaker A: I read that he had to wait. It was just like he said in the special, he had to wait for the statutes of limitations.
Yeah. To admit credit card fraud.
[00:53:16] Speaker B: I doubt he did.
[00:53:16] Speaker C: See, I didn't agree with that. That's the one thing in the special I didn't agree with him doing credit card. Credit card fraud is not a crime against the. The people running credit cards. They're just going to jack up their rate. So it's not a victim.
[00:53:34] Speaker B: Crime against humanity.
[00:53:35] Speaker C: Yeah. It's a crime against everyone. It. Because it's like shoplifting. You know, my dad once sat me down, he goes, like, shoplifting's really bad. And if I ever.
You ever get caught doing it.
[00:53:46] Speaker B: Because it raises the prices for me, that's why.
[00:53:48] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:53:49] Speaker B: How about it's morally wrong to steal?
[00:53:52] Speaker C: Well, yeah, but that was just a way of framing it up.
Yeah.
So I didn't agree with the credit card fraud bit. I. I was like, nah, nah, come on, dude. That's a crime against the working class.
Shouldn't do it.
[00:54:04] Speaker B: How about how he says, okay, okay, you guys who love this guy. I hate fags in Jew. And then he. Jewiness.
Then he says, I jewed up with my lawyers.
[00:54:18] Speaker A: Yeah. That I okay with that kind of talk written down. Is he.
[00:54:21] Speaker B: You guys apparently are okay with that kind of talk.
Yeah.
I don't know how I could sit in a room with you guys. And I'm. Listen, I'm. I'm a little left and center, but not, you know, I'm not the wokest guy in the world.
[00:54:35] Speaker A: You.
[00:54:35] Speaker B: You guys are unbelievable.
[00:54:38] Speaker C: Do you.
[00:54:38] Speaker B: That's just. Come on.
Throwing that stuff around. What do you throw the N word around, too?
[00:54:46] Speaker C: I think year context. I'm just going to throw the word context. Do you remember when the whole Amber Heard Johnny Depp.
[00:54:53] Speaker B: I love Amber Heard.
[00:54:54] Speaker C: Do you remember when Amber heard Johnny Depp kicked off?
[00:54:57] Speaker B: Yeah, I watched the whole trial. I answer anything. I know everything about it.
[00:55:00] Speaker C: Do you know who spoke out in defense of Johnny Depp? You're gonna love this.
[00:55:05] Speaker B: Doug Stanhope.
[00:55:05] Speaker C: Doug Stanhope, who is a close personal friend of Johnny Depp, spoke out and.
[00:55:10] Speaker B: That tells you everything.
[00:55:11] Speaker C: And said Johnny Depp. I watched this woman take this guy to the cleaners, lying and exploiting and putting him in a mental home, more or less.
That was interesting to me.
[00:55:25] Speaker B: I was on Team Amber.
[00:55:27] Speaker C: Doug Stanhope is friends with Johnny Depp. How cool is that?
[00:55:33] Speaker B: Not because Johnny Depp is a scumbag.
[00:55:37] Speaker C: Really?
[00:55:38] Speaker B: And he.
[00:55:38] Speaker A: I thought that was. It wasn't. Wasn't he exonerated?
[00:55:42] Speaker C: What.
[00:55:42] Speaker B: What did the court case Amber Heard with a wine bottle.
[00:55:47] Speaker C: What?
[00:55:47] Speaker B: Allegedly.
[00:55:48] Speaker C: How did the court case. Yeah, now. Now you have to walk that back.
[00:55:51] Speaker B: Yeah, I said allegedly. That's what. That's what Amber Heard condensed. I'm on Team Amber. Give me one of them razzle.
[00:55:57] Speaker A: You can eat more candy.
[00:55:58] Speaker B: I want to go out with a razzle.
[00:55:59] Speaker A: Oh, boy.
[00:56:02] Speaker B: I don't know. I just seemed to side with Amber Heard during that whole trial. She was much maligned, and I felt unfairly due to the enormous celebrity of Johnny Depp. It's like people who were on O.J. simpson's side. It's like, come on.
[00:56:16] Speaker C: I don't know. Murderer.
I don't really follow celebrity trials because. Why do you even follow that one? No, I didn't. I was just.
I was just interested when Stanhope posted this on his website. And I'm like, wait, Doug Stanhope knows Johnny Depp that well?
How does that.
[00:56:35] Speaker B: You know he knows him that well? Maybe he was just speaking out.
[00:56:38] Speaker C: No, he said, well, my good friend Johnny Depp. Yeah, I mean, he qualified.
[00:56:44] Speaker B: Maybe. This is the other reason why I don't like.
[00:56:46] Speaker C: I think Johnny Depp's a big comedy fan because he once appeared in this British show called the film Fast Show.
Just out of the blue, his agent called them and said, can you put Johnny Depp in a sketch? And they're like, what the. I mean, this is 90s Johnny Depp, really?
Biggest film star in the world in the 90s, and he's asking to appear in a BBC2 comedy sketch show.
[00:57:10] Speaker B: Here's the other reason not to like Dan.
[00:57:12] Speaker C: Doug Stanhope or Johnny Depp.
[00:57:14] Speaker B: Not Johnny Depp.
Doug Stanhope horribly mistreated legendary Chicago comedian Brian Petrava.
[00:57:23] Speaker C: This is gonna have to be Patreon.
[00:57:24] Speaker B: Why?
[00:57:26] Speaker C: It's kind of getting into the he said, she said world.
[00:57:29] Speaker B: Isn't it libelous?
[00:57:30] Speaker A: And the candy.
[00:57:33] Speaker B: I forgot it.
I want to say I love Brian Petrovka, one of the greatest comedians to ever live.
[00:57:38] Speaker A: What happened?
[00:57:40] Speaker B: I don't remember, but he was mad at Stanhope. He kicked him off his comedians of comedy tour.
[00:57:48] Speaker C: Probably just because Brian was so well behaved and so sober that he. He felt like he no longer fitted in with the rest of that tour. I'm guessing.
[00:57:59] Speaker B: I don't know. I don't know the details.
[00:58:00] Speaker C: It was probably his. His commitment to sobriety that got him kicked off.
[00:58:03] Speaker B: Brian Petrovka is my friend, and I support him.
And if he tells me Doug Stanhope mistreated him, I support my friend.
[00:58:14] Speaker C: I'm willing to hear both sides.
[00:58:19] Speaker B: Yeah. All right, well, let's get stand up. When you get stand up for the 25th.
When is that?
[00:58:24] Speaker C: It's like next year. But I don't think I'm gonna do it because like I said.
[00:58:28] Speaker B: Oh, you gotta do something. Let's do. Yeah, I get all the big. The big heads back for this.
[00:58:33] Speaker C: I don't think.
Nah.
[00:58:36] Speaker A: What?
[00:58:37] Speaker C: I think it's. It's. If I get Stanhope, it's kind of like a personal jerk. It's kind of like a self indulgence.
[00:58:44] Speaker B: I don't think you get him, but you bring back all the old heads, like the. The big names. Yeah, for the 25th.
[00:58:50] Speaker C: We've been through that. Why? That isn't going to work.
[00:58:53] Speaker B: Yeah, well, he gets some lesser names like Carl Kozlowski or Adam CRO.
Stugalindsey, Mac Mitch, Manzie Mitch, man.
[00:59:11] Speaker C: All of your. All of your little faithful followers.
Do you. Do they still write to you, Dear Uncle Bill?
[00:59:18] Speaker B: Nope.
[00:59:18] Speaker C: Please validate my comedy.
[00:59:21] Speaker A: I wish they did.
[00:59:22] Speaker C: Gets it.
[00:59:23] Speaker B: I wish they did.
Wish I did. All right, well, Scori, Kid Scurry. Kenny B.
[00:59:30] Speaker C: What happened to Kid Scurry? He seemed fairly kid. My Z.
Scurry seemed fairly committed to it. Like. Yeah, I'm Gonna do this.
[00:59:40] Speaker B: John Burton.
[00:59:42] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:59:43] Speaker B: T. T Glover.
[00:59:44] Speaker C: Yep.
Well, they weren't Diamond J. Harris. Your. I'm talking about your disciples.
[00:59:51] Speaker B: No, I don't even know who most of those people are. I'm just.
[00:59:54] Speaker C: Oh, I. I committed them to memory.
[00:59:56] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm sure you have.
Right, well, two thumbs up, one thumb down. Well, you didn't ever say.
[01:00:03] Speaker A: But. Yeah, I did. We don't said it was special.
[01:00:05] Speaker B: Yeah. You think it's special? Yeah. All right. Who, who.
[01:00:10] Speaker C: Who?
[01:00:10] Speaker B: We are reviewing next week.
[01:00:12] Speaker A: Next week.
[01:00:12] Speaker B: Michael Richards.
[01:00:13] Speaker A: We're doing Joe Rogan. No, I'm joking.
You know, before Adam Carolla, when the Stanhope special ended on YouTube, you know how to play something automatically? Next. This is not who we're doing, but. Have you heard of a comedian, Chris Porter?
[01:00:29] Speaker C: No.
[01:00:30] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:00:30] Speaker B: God help me.
[01:00:31] Speaker A: Oh, God. I only saw the first bit.
Just for your own amusement and entertainment, if you want to. You know, sometimes it's. It's. It's so bad, it's. It's almost good.
[01:00:42] Speaker C: Hang on, hang on. We're not allowed to criticize the comedians anymore to. According to Bill.
[01:00:47] Speaker A: I'll apologize next week.
[01:00:48] Speaker C: Yeah, okay.
[01:00:50] Speaker A: I'll have.
[01:00:50] Speaker B: I didn't criticize.
[01:00:51] Speaker A: I'll have a whole apology statement ready.
[01:00:53] Speaker C: All right.
[01:00:55] Speaker A: Anyway, Chris Porter. I don't know what the special was called, but watch the first.
[01:00:59] Speaker B: This is what we're doing next week.
[01:01:00] Speaker A: Chris Porter.
[01:01:00] Speaker B: Somebody came out of the algorithm.
[01:01:02] Speaker A: I just said, we're not doing him. I started this by saying we are not.
[01:01:06] Speaker B: All right, well, then you kept talking about it, right? How about this?
[01:01:09] Speaker A: I want to drive my point home.
[01:01:10] Speaker B: Let me. I'm not expecting this to be the person, but my wife really likes this Leanne Rogers. You heard of her?
[01:01:15] Speaker A: No.
[01:01:17] Speaker B: Oh, my God. She's all the rage. She's a like a 60 year old woman that is just tearing up the circuit. She's been doing comedy since 1998 and is now finally hitting her stride.
[01:01:28] Speaker C: She's not like from the south and yells it like it is.
[01:01:31] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, you heard about her.
[01:01:32] Speaker C: Blonde? No. Yes, I heard about her for the last 30.
[01:01:36] Speaker A: Is she the one? She wasn't a comedian and then, like, she wrote a book or something. Now she's a comedian.
[01:01:40] Speaker B: My wife. Just stop talking.
[01:01:42] Speaker A: Yeah, I think I know who you're talking about. If it's the person, I'm thinking about Leanne Rogers.
[01:01:49] Speaker C: Brett butler for the 21st century. Yeah.
[01:01:52] Speaker B: Brett Butler. Yeah, yeah, that's who she is.
[01:01:55] Speaker A: You did?
[01:01:57] Speaker C: I know Brett. I met Brett Butler, not Leanne Rogers.
[01:02:02] Speaker B: Save that for after show.
[01:02:04] Speaker A: Yep. All right. Who's it gonna be? We're gonna do Michael Shea's 2016 special called Michael Shea Matters.
[01:02:11] Speaker B: Michael Shea or Michael, isn't it?
[01:02:13] Speaker A: Oh, it's not Shay.
[01:02:14] Speaker B: I think it's Che.
[01:02:15] Speaker A: Well, let's do the chase.
[01:02:16] Speaker B: Guevara.
[01:02:18] Speaker A: Either way.
[01:02:19] Speaker C: Saturday Night Live.
[01:02:20] Speaker B: Yeah, that fella. Yeah.
[01:02:21] Speaker C: Oh, okay. All right.
[01:02:22] Speaker A: Mm.
[01:02:23] Speaker B: Well, okay.
[01:02:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
What do you think? What do you think of that?
Michael Shea Matters.
[01:02:29] Speaker B: I might have seen a Michael Shea.
[01:02:31] Speaker A: One at one, I think. I think I've seen this one before too, and I remember.
[01:02:34] Speaker B: I don't know if it's this one, but.
All right.
Well, at least he's not white.
[01:02:39] Speaker A: At least he's not white.
[01:02:41] Speaker B: That's a good starting point.
[01:02:43] Speaker C: All right.
[01:02:44] Speaker B: Michael Shea matters next week and the hearing.
[01:02:47] Speaker A: The jacket zipper means that's the end.
[01:02:49] Speaker B: You can hear it, I think.
[01:02:50] Speaker A: Yep.
[01:02:52] Speaker C: That's not a Harrington.
[01:02:53] Speaker B: No, I had to put the Harrington away. It's too cold.
[01:02:55] Speaker C: Too cold? Yeah.
[01:02:57] Speaker B: All right.
