Review: The Diceman Cometh, Andrew 'Dice' Clay

[00:00:12] Speaker A: Sound like you're eating out Lou Baker's ass again. Are you bringing that back for the open mic? [00:00:18] Speaker B: Yeah. You're gonna do it? Are you doing the open mic later [00:00:20] Speaker A: or are you bottling it? [00:00:24] Speaker C: Are we on the air? [00:00:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:26] Speaker A: Bottling it or doing it? [00:00:29] Speaker B: What was that guy? We can't keep. We can't keep this up. This is driving me crazy. [00:00:33] Speaker A: Means you lost your boss. You're not gonna do it. [00:00:35] Speaker B: Good. [00:00:36] Speaker A: You've given it the big. Giving it large last week. Yeah. Back on the horse, doing the open mic. Then. Then Tuesday rolls and incidentally, we only moved to goddamn Tuesday because of that bollocks, right? [00:00:49] Speaker C: No, he wanted to move. [00:00:52] Speaker B: We moved to Tuesday last week because. [00:00:55] Speaker A: Yeah, schedule issues. He picked Tuesday this week? [00:00:58] Speaker B: No, I said he opened. I said, I need Mondays to get my life together, so fuck off. So can we do Tuesdays instead? [00:01:06] Speaker C: Nice try. [00:01:08] Speaker B: It's too much coming here every day. [00:01:12] Speaker C: Probably not. [00:01:14] Speaker B: Come on, wanker. Come on, just go about it all. Show them how it's done. [00:01:20] Speaker C: I don't know how. [00:01:20] Speaker B: Give me all. One, two. [00:01:22] Speaker C: I don't think I know how it's done. [00:01:24] Speaker B: Sure you do. [00:01:24] Speaker A: All those 23 year olds saw you there last week. [00:01:27] Speaker C: They're not all 23. [00:01:28] Speaker A: Holy shit. [00:01:29] Speaker C: There's some long in the tooth folk in there. [00:01:31] Speaker B: What do you think? [00:01:32] Speaker C: The oldest Kenny B types. [00:01:33] Speaker B: I'd say 30. [00:01:35] Speaker C: No, I don't know how old people are. I can't really tell. But a couple of them fellas looked old. There's one army veteran, you know that guy? [00:01:43] Speaker B: Oh, I'm sure. Oh, wait, the smiley guy. [00:01:46] Speaker C: He had a cane. [00:01:48] Speaker B: Oh, no. Oh, I know who you're talking about, though I didn't know he was an army. I've never talked to him. [00:01:51] Speaker C: Well, he talked about the army and then there was some other fellow, gray hair, look like he must have kids. [00:01:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:00] Speaker C: So they're not all spring chickens? [00:02:01] Speaker B: No, they're not, but they're up there doing it. [00:02:03] Speaker A: But they're all blokes. [00:02:05] Speaker B: No, you could be doing it. [00:02:07] Speaker C: There was one. There was one bird. [00:02:11] Speaker B: Who? [00:02:11] Speaker A: The Blair Butler of the game? [00:02:13] Speaker C: Yeah. Some things haven't changed. There's only one bird in the flock. That doesn't make sense. But I didn't know when I left she was going up, so I didn't had one foot out the door. [00:02:25] Speaker A: How many did you manage to get through? [00:02:27] Speaker C: I got through. Eight, maybe. [00:02:30] Speaker A: Wow. Did you shout? Do your act. [00:02:35] Speaker C: No, I didn't shout anything. I have so many issues with that, with that open mic. This could not be your creation in any way. [00:02:47] Speaker A: No. [00:02:47] Speaker C: I don't see your fingerprints on it at all. [00:02:49] Speaker A: Nope. [00:02:49] Speaker C: It's a disaster. [00:02:50] Speaker B: It was Max Shanker's. That's Max Shanker's open mic. [00:02:53] Speaker C: That's the guy behind the board, I'm assuming. [00:02:55] Speaker B: I don't know. I don't know what he does, but Shanker, yeah, he's. He looks like Bob Seeger. [00:03:01] Speaker C: Yeah, that sounds right. Young Bob Seeger. [00:03:03] Speaker B: Yep. [00:03:05] Speaker C: First of all, it. Three minutes is not enough time. You got to give five minutes. How's someone supposed to develop a tight five if you don't give them five where they're supposed to get the other two? [00:03:17] Speaker B: Take the best parking lot, take the best 30 seconds out of every week, and compile them. [00:03:21] Speaker A: They shouted at each other in the car park. [00:03:24] Speaker C: It's got to be a minimum of five, and it's not. The other thing is, there's no host. I mean, there is kind of this man sits at the board, this Max Shanker. [00:03:33] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:34] Speaker C: And he sits off to the side and just announces each comedian in, like, a rapid. It's like the dmv. Like your number, like you're at a deli, your fucking number comes up, and you run up there, you put in your order, and then you get the fuck off. [00:03:44] Speaker B: Did you think he was gonna do time in between each of them? [00:03:48] Speaker C: I guess it's better that he doesn't. [00:03:49] Speaker A: But, yeah, I was gonna say. Would you prefer andy Lurie doing 10 minutes in between each person? [00:03:56] Speaker C: Yes, I would. I really would. You need a. [00:03:59] Speaker B: You need. [00:04:00] Speaker C: You need a buffer in between the comedians. It can't be a fucking bum rush. The stage, one after the. That doesn't make any sense. [00:04:08] Speaker A: I did an open mic in Houston where you introduce the next comedian. [00:04:12] Speaker C: One comedian would introduce the next comedian. Yeah, that's. That. That'd be all right. [00:04:17] Speaker A: But I don't see that as different from the God voice. [00:04:21] Speaker C: Yeah, but holy fuck. [00:04:25] Speaker B: Like, [00:04:27] Speaker C: I'm sure it's not different that different than when we did it, but, like, there was not one person that didn't bomb horribly out of those eight. [00:04:34] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. It's a tough room. [00:04:37] Speaker C: It's an impossible room. If it's just, like, it's hard jump up here and do three minutes. And it's all, you know, green comedians who are too anxious in there to. To fucking even laugh or pay attention. They're just looking at them. There's no point. Yeah, there really isn't. Like, and it's not someone. It's not something that anyone would Come to off the street at fucking three in the afternoon or whatever it is. Like, what is the. [00:05:02] Speaker A: What is the point of it? [00:05:04] Speaker C: What is the point? [00:05:05] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I say every week. [00:05:07] Speaker B: The line down the block beforehand really speaks to that. People hate it. [00:05:13] Speaker C: The line down the block. [00:05:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:14] Speaker C: But all that line is all comedians. [00:05:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:17] Speaker C: Right. [00:05:17] Speaker B: Just what do you think? People are going to come watch it. [00:05:19] Speaker A: Whoever came to an open. [00:05:20] Speaker B: Nobody does that apart from mine. [00:05:23] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:05:23] Speaker A: And then the one that copied me, that came after what, Three Ring Circus? [00:05:27] Speaker C: Yeah, that came before you came after [00:05:30] Speaker A: me, thank you very much. [00:05:32] Speaker C: Wait, Lion's Den existed before you? [00:05:35] Speaker A: Yeah. Who gives a. [00:05:37] Speaker B: Well, it. [00:05:38] Speaker C: When you're saying it came after you. It did not. [00:05:40] Speaker A: And copied all of the key principles that made the Red lion the greatest open mic ever. [00:05:45] Speaker C: How? Tell me. I don't remember it that way. [00:05:48] Speaker A: Seeded spots. So you don't just suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, and then people leave the room. You may get a rando. I'm just here to see this. If you don't throw that person a bone, every fourth, fifth comic, forget about it. [00:06:05] Speaker C: What do you mean, seated spots? Explain that. [00:06:07] Speaker A: Seated spots is where you put your [00:06:08] Speaker C: ringers in, like every fifth comedian. [00:06:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:11] Speaker C: And you don't let anyone sign up for those. [00:06:13] Speaker A: You. [00:06:13] Speaker C: You hold those. [00:06:14] Speaker A: I hold those. [00:06:15] Speaker C: You say, who's going there? That's smart. [00:06:17] Speaker A: Because it's the only way you might keep people interested. [00:06:20] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:06:23] Speaker A: You know, and I would. I would fish people out of the hat and be like, no, I'm not having this fucking lunatic going in the heart of the show. [00:06:33] Speaker B: It's like picking song requests during a piano show. [00:06:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:36] Speaker B: When people want to bombard you with like, they try to stump you and they'll give you a whole bunch of like. Nobody wants to hear this. Yeah, I'll go. Nope, nope. There's one. [00:06:45] Speaker C: Yeah. Okay. Cherry picking. Well. Well, this then. Then this disaster. It's just. [00:06:52] Speaker A: Wait a sec. [00:06:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:54] Speaker A: You did very nicely out of the Red lion open mic. Thank you very much. And then you sit in here, shit. And on it. [00:07:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:00] Speaker C: No, when I said this disaster, I meant this thing that's going on in here, not your open mic. The thing I saw last time. You were crapping on it on the red line. [00:07:10] Speaker A: Yeah, well, the red line wasn't the shit. [00:07:12] Speaker C: No, no, no. I was. [00:07:13] Speaker B: I was. [00:07:14] Speaker C: No, I didn't know. [00:07:15] Speaker B: He said, he said it wasn't that. It was about a timeline. It wasn't about. [00:07:18] Speaker C: It was about the timeline. [00:07:19] Speaker B: It wasn't about feces. [00:07:20] Speaker C: No, I I'll never understand why people thought the Lion's Den was such a great open mic. It was terrible. [00:07:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:26] Speaker B: Right. [00:07:27] Speaker C: And Redline was the only mic. It was the best. Right. They should have been writing about the red line in the Reader and in the Sun Times, not Lions Den. It's because George Carlin came to the Lion's Den once. [00:07:40] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:07:41] Speaker C: So, like. But this disaster here where they line up down the block. [00:07:47] Speaker B: Yeah. It's just very unpopular. [00:07:49] Speaker C: It's just you're get. [00:07:49] Speaker B: If you. [00:07:50] Speaker C: You're first, you're going first. If you're first on the list, there's no. [00:07:53] Speaker A: So they picked. [00:07:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:55] Speaker C: But they can pick where they go. [00:07:56] Speaker B: They write their names in. Yeah. [00:07:57] Speaker C: So I can say I want to go 10th. [00:07:59] Speaker B: If you write your name in 10th, they get there in time. [00:08:02] Speaker C: But. But it's. The inmates are running it, basically. [00:08:05] Speaker B: Yeah. Before we open the doors, There are maybe seven to 10 names that go on the list in random spots. So I'm kind of wondering, Mark, if that's like, similar to what you were doing. Yeah. Like, Kyle or Max will have already, like, seven to 10 comedians that have texted them, I'm assuming during the day, saying, I'm gonna be there. Can you put my name on the list? And special privilege. I always see they have a phone number. [00:08:33] Speaker A: I guess you have to see which names they are. [00:08:35] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:35] Speaker A: To know whether they're shot. [00:08:36] Speaker B: We can investigate after this today. [00:08:38] Speaker C: So these other scrubs, when they get. They wait in line two in the afternoon, and then they finally get in. They get. They get the list in their hand. [00:08:45] Speaker B: Right. [00:08:46] Speaker C: And there's already five names on there. So that they know these five guys are the guys that are. I need to know. I need to, you know, sidle up to. Sidle up to. [00:08:55] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I always tell new comedians, you'll know when you're ready, when you. One of the best six or seven in an open mic. If you can't, hand on heart, say I'm top six or seven at this open mic, you better keep going. [00:09:10] Speaker C: You're ready for what? [00:09:12] Speaker A: Ready for a paying audience. [00:09:14] Speaker C: Really? If you're one of the six best, you're ready for a paying audience. Probably ready to be paid. [00:09:20] Speaker A: Not necessary, obviously, is the whole open mic could be a piece of shit. [00:09:24] Speaker B: But Right. [00:09:24] Speaker A: If you're at a decent open mic, you better be in the top six. [00:09:30] Speaker C: Is this mic here, this open mic, is this representative of the other open mics that are out there? I'm sure they're not all exactly like this, but Is this the type of comedian you're going to see at an open mic anywhere in the city? [00:09:43] Speaker B: I've never been to another open mic. [00:09:45] Speaker C: It. [00:09:46] Speaker A: Those days are over. [00:09:48] Speaker C: You've never been to an open mic. You never even peek your head in there. Come on, you do. [00:09:52] Speaker B: No, no, no. I said another open mic. I've pe. This one. Oh, that was. [00:09:58] Speaker A: Yeah, it was worthwhile. [00:10:00] Speaker C: Well, Howard Stern. He burps like that. [00:10:02] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:10:03] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:04] Speaker C: So I feel like I can. [00:10:05] Speaker B: Mark, I can't help but notice. For the listeners, I'll illustrate. I have filled up Mark's sassy glass. That was a gift a few weeks ago, and I filled up Bill's wine glass with water, and Mark had walked in with another glass, and he's choosing to drink out of that one rather than the sassy glass that has bubble paint. [00:10:26] Speaker A: I was gonna say. I don't want puffy paint in my gob. [00:10:30] Speaker B: You don't have puffy paint. Yeah, it's not on the rim. You don't have to drink the puff. [00:10:35] Speaker A: I'll rip through. Look, I'm already done half of this in, and we're okay. We're still stuck in this morbid, bloody open mic discussion. [00:10:42] Speaker B: I'm trying to change the subject to glassware. [00:10:46] Speaker A: Yeah, well, you want. You did wash it, right? [00:10:50] Speaker B: Oh, of course. With my hands. What are you. What are you looking up there? [00:10:57] Speaker C: Looking at my phone. [00:10:58] Speaker B: What are you looking at your phone for? [00:11:00] Speaker C: Gonna tell you some stuff. [00:11:01] Speaker B: Oh, what, do you got some juicy gossip agenda? [00:11:04] Speaker C: Nope. [00:11:04] Speaker B: Who's this? Who'd you send us a text of yesterday? Who is this, Tiggy Twiggy? [00:11:08] Speaker C: Well, Mark, you tell. You tell him who Twiggy is. [00:11:11] Speaker A: Twiggy's the original 60s supermodel, swinging hip girl. [00:11:14] Speaker C: Oh, was she ever in an Austin Powers [00:11:19] Speaker B: make a cameo or something? [00:11:20] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, you might know her from the Blues Brothers. [00:11:23] Speaker B: Oh, what does she play in the Blues Brothers? [00:11:25] Speaker A: She's this girl that what's his goddamn name Balushi bumps into, gives her a load of pitter patter chat and says, meet me at this hotel later. Yeah. For a shag. And then it cuts to a scene later on, and she's just standing, leaning against the sports car, waiting outside this motel. Yes, yes, yes, she was in there very briefly. Yes. [00:11:53] Speaker B: Okay. [00:11:54] Speaker A: That's. [00:11:55] Speaker B: What was the relevance of the text? [00:11:57] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't know that. Oh. [00:11:58] Speaker C: What oh? Because she's having a. A moment again in the news. She was in the New York Times. [00:12:04] Speaker B: What did she do? I didn't read it was it something just agreeable. [00:12:09] Speaker C: I just wanted to, you know, fluff mark a little. With Twiggy, I get excited being a British boy. [00:12:15] Speaker B: Is she British? [00:12:16] Speaker C: Growing up and looking at Twiggy must have been like our version of, oh, Lonnie Anderson. [00:12:21] Speaker B: Heather Graham's from his 60s. [00:12:25] Speaker C: What? [00:12:26] Speaker A: Twiggy was like swinging 60s, for God. How old do you think I am? [00:12:30] Speaker C: You're in your late 50s. 60s, yeah. [00:12:33] Speaker A: So she was winning 35 when I was a lad. Yeah. [00:12:37] Speaker C: And that's prime shaggin years. [00:12:40] Speaker A: That's not going to get me the old stiff arm, is it? [00:12:43] Speaker C: When I'm 15 years old, baby arm holding an apple. No. You understand that? [00:12:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:52] Speaker C: Baby arm holding an apple. It is. [00:12:54] Speaker A: It's a viz. [00:12:55] Speaker C: Yeah. Most of what I. I learned is from biz, I think. [00:13:01] Speaker A: Yeah. I see no relevance in Turkey unless you can say what it is. [00:13:07] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:13:07] Speaker B: Did you ever eat crab apples when you were a kid? [00:13:09] Speaker C: No. [00:13:10] Speaker B: You don't climb a tree. I know. That's the whole point. You're not supposed to. So you do it. They're gross. [00:13:16] Speaker A: Did you call the act of stealing apples from neighborhood trees scrumping? [00:13:21] Speaker B: No. [00:13:22] Speaker A: Like we did in England. [00:13:23] Speaker B: No, we. Scrumping was a whole different thing in my neighborhood. [00:13:25] Speaker A: Yeah, let's go scrumping. That means you climb into people's backyards and steal their. Their apples. Then you find out having stolen them, that they're crab. Crab apples. And you throw them all away. [00:13:39] Speaker B: No, we would just. We would climb trees and throw crab apples at the other neighborhood kids. And then eventually, you know, you get curious. You want to try one? They're very tough. [00:13:49] Speaker C: Yes. [00:13:50] Speaker B: Thanks for saying something. Thanks for participating in the conversation. [00:13:53] Speaker C: I'm just trying to give the room. [00:13:56] Speaker B: You are. You're learning the dance. [00:13:57] Speaker A: We have this apple tree in our backyard that won't die. Really, it just. My sister, every year is like, Jesus Christ. I got like, three crates of apples a day off this tree. [00:14:09] Speaker C: Your place here in the city? [00:14:11] Speaker A: No, no, at home in England. [00:14:13] Speaker B: So it's not getting scrumped very. [00:14:14] Speaker A: No one's scrump. She. She. She will, like, do the thing of putting just the, you know, put in a crate outside on the pavement, say, take them if you want them. [00:14:24] Speaker C: They're edible. [00:14:25] Speaker B: Great. I wish my neighbors did that. [00:14:26] Speaker A: Yeah, they're not so straight in the gob. Edible. Well, they make good pies. [00:14:33] Speaker B: My grandma used to have a cherry tree in the front yard in, like, the middle of the suburbs. West Seneca, N.Y. a cherry tree isn't [00:14:39] Speaker C: that Washington cut down a cherry tree. [00:14:42] Speaker B: Yes. [00:14:44] Speaker C: Now when you settle your home, does your sister live in your childhood home? [00:14:49] Speaker A: Yes. [00:14:50] Speaker C: Oh, that's kind of nice. [00:14:51] Speaker A: When my dad passed away I said to her do you want to live in the house that we grew up in or not? And she said yes, definitely. [00:15:02] Speaker B: I guess you already know the place. You know you can like in the middle of the night to make your way through the hallways, you can have your eyes closed. [00:15:09] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. Did you not want to hold on to the home yourself or you're happy to let her have it? Did you fight over it or did you have any interesting. [00:15:16] Speaker A: No, I gave her my half of it. I said you I better sign my off over to you and you give me the money. No, because what if I go batch it one day and come back to England and throw you out the house and say we're selling it. [00:15:32] Speaker B: So you saw that option, you own [00:15:35] Speaker C: a piece of that house? [00:15:36] Speaker A: No, I gave him my half. [00:15:37] Speaker B: So you just came out with nothing? [00:15:39] Speaker A: Yeah, so that she didn't have to live under the cloud of what if my brother suddenly turns into a complete prick. [00:15:48] Speaker B: What did she say to that? Did she say sure I could see that happening or did she say no? What? [00:15:53] Speaker A: No she said oh we don't need to do that And I said yeah you do need to do that that cuz who knows what my mental state could be in a few years time. So that's what I don't know if we ever did it actually cuz I can't remember the solicitor giving us papers to do it. [00:16:07] Speaker B: No, you still own half a house [00:16:09] Speaker A: in England but I don't know actually it's funny, our, our n childhood neighbors finally moved out a couple of weeks ago and he said to my sister, well Nicola, you are now officially the longest tenanted person on this road now. Wow, now I'm leaving. [00:16:31] Speaker C: Let me understand this again. Your father left you and your sister the house, you said you keep the house. What did you get financially out of this? Nothing. [00:16:43] Speaker A: Nothing out of the house. [00:16:45] Speaker C: Well did you get something else? [00:16:47] Speaker A: I got a bit of dosh. We both got dosh money. [00:16:51] Speaker C: All right, I don't mean to pry in your family but here in America if an old boy leaves a parcel to their kids, those kids are going to divvy it up and get equal percentage. [00:17:05] Speaker B: Right? Yeah, we did that. [00:17:08] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah we could do it. [00:17:10] Speaker C: And what I'm trying to. [00:17:11] Speaker A: She wants to live in the house, I understand. [00:17:13] Speaker C: So she's got to buy you out. [00:17:16] Speaker A: Ah, she's Like a minimum wage job. [00:17:18] Speaker B: It's up to them too, though. [00:17:19] Speaker C: She does, yeah. So you're saying she couldn't buy you out? [00:17:23] Speaker A: She couldn't buy me out if she wanted to. Plus my niece lives there. When I kick the bucket, my niece gets it all anyway, so it's all rolling towards her eventually. [00:17:34] Speaker C: Nothing for the lodge? You're gonna leave a big chunk. Oh, yeah. [00:17:38] Speaker A: You can bury me in the fucking basement. I can't. I don't know. Yeah. [00:17:44] Speaker C: How about the sea? [00:17:45] Speaker B: Figure out the pipes. [00:17:46] Speaker C: Leave something for the seaman. He's your best employee. [00:17:48] Speaker B: Oh, I need a plaque out there or something. [00:17:51] Speaker A: So let's do the gift segment. [00:17:52] Speaker C: No, we don't do gifts anymore. [00:17:54] Speaker B: Nope, nope. [00:17:55] Speaker A: You segued nice into the gift segment. [00:17:58] Speaker B: Mark still does gifts. He's giving away halves of houses. [00:18:01] Speaker C: So I was all despondent last week about this whole thing and. What about gifts or about the guy that shit all over the show? [00:18:10] Speaker B: Oh, the drunk guy? [00:18:11] Speaker C: Yeah, the drunk guy. He since apologized. Me, I could read the apologies if you want. [00:18:14] Speaker B: Was he. Was he sober when he apologized? [00:18:16] Speaker C: He heard the show right afterwards, but my wife said, yeah, him. Like, I like the gifts. I like all this stuff. And I was like, oh, so maybe this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. Maybe the gifts are a good idea. Maybe him. [00:18:33] Speaker B: That guy, Are you trying to say, ruined my night? [00:18:35] Speaker C: He ruined my whole week, right? Ruined a lot of my life. [00:18:39] Speaker B: What's his name? [00:18:40] Speaker C: Fuck him. [00:18:41] Speaker A: Don't. Fuck off. [00:18:41] Speaker C: Alcormos. Fuck you. Fuck you for fucking up my whole life. [00:18:46] Speaker A: We only have four listeners, so don't drive them away. He can go. [00:18:51] Speaker B: Fuck, [00:18:54] Speaker C: I don't need him. Listen, anyway. [00:18:57] Speaker A: All right, can we do the gifts then? [00:18:59] Speaker C: Yeah, let's do the gifts. [00:19:00] Speaker B: I didn't bring any gifts because I thought we were doing them. [00:19:02] Speaker A: So this one I might have to in. No, I can't say that. You say it's culturally insensitive. I might have to take this one back because you may already have. Oh, Emanaga. Oh, Shitty, Shitty Imanaga. I have that name. You have it? If you do, I'm gonna ebay it because they go for 40 bucks. [00:19:23] Speaker C: 40 bucks? [00:19:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:25] Speaker C: Thank you, though. You're sweet. [00:19:27] Speaker A: I did bring a reserve and I think. [00:19:29] Speaker C: Dang. [00:19:29] Speaker A: I'm not sure if you already gifted this, but. Oh, I finally found the corn cob. [00:19:37] Speaker C: Remember, I got the pipe last year? [00:19:39] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, right. [00:19:40] Speaker C: I'm headed down there next weekend, by the way. It's perfect. [00:19:43] Speaker B: Yeah? Where? [00:19:44] Speaker C: The Ozarks. [00:19:44] Speaker B: Oh, really? [00:19:45] Speaker A: Well, you need a corn cob pipe to fit in. [00:19:48] Speaker C: No, but they sold one at Ozark Land. And this is. Shouldn't. Yeah, this is from Missouri. [00:19:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:54] Speaker C: You see the bottom? They say you shouldn't smoke out of it. [00:19:56] Speaker A: It's. [00:19:57] Speaker C: It's like a novelty. [00:19:58] Speaker B: Yeah, it's probably. It's probably laced. [00:20:02] Speaker A: The guys, I bought them off, it was all legit, like pipes. [00:20:06] Speaker C: Were you at the the Flea again without me? [00:20:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:08] Speaker B: Why? [00:20:08] Speaker C: Do you. [00:20:08] Speaker A: No, no. This was two weeks ago. I didn't go this week because I could barely walk. [00:20:12] Speaker C: Do you ever put your mouth on this? [00:20:13] Speaker A: No, just shoved it up my ass. [00:20:17] Speaker C: I put. I'll put CBD in here and I'll chuff it. [00:20:20] Speaker A: Yeah. Cbd. [00:20:22] Speaker C: Like it's pipe tobacco. Like Peter Tuck. This is lovely. Thank you. [00:20:27] Speaker B: You feel so calm. [00:20:28] Speaker A: I know that, Christian. I know that you're the scotophile. You. You like the Lassies. But this I got for Christian. [00:20:37] Speaker B: Hell, yeah. [00:20:38] Speaker A: Is a. [00:20:39] Speaker B: Because that is awesome. [00:20:40] Speaker C: Because it's like Mike Myers's dad. [00:20:42] Speaker A: Because he's like me profession. So he's got a. Oh, is that [00:20:47] Speaker C: what it was for? [00:20:47] Speaker B: I thought it was another plant pot. [00:20:50] Speaker A: I guess you could. [00:20:51] Speaker B: I think I will. [00:20:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:53] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:20:55] Speaker C: Did you just make it for that purpose or is that what it's for? [00:20:58] Speaker A: I broke one of the. No, that's what it's for. [00:21:00] Speaker C: For the listeners at home, what we're looking at is a ceramic Scotsman with holes in his legs and his shoulders. [00:21:10] Speaker A: I broke one of this. [00:21:11] Speaker B: He's hugging a lamppost. [00:21:13] Speaker C: Yeah. And he's a drunk holding a lamppost. [00:21:16] Speaker B: And he's been drinking Scotch all day. [00:21:18] Speaker C: Yeah. And then in the holes, you put the bottle opener, the thing for making drinks, the swizzle sticks. I don't know what else is in there. [00:21:26] Speaker A: Broke one of the bloody swizzle sticks. [00:21:28] Speaker C: That is. [00:21:29] Speaker B: That's nice. That's nice. That's gonna look good somewhere. Somewhere prestigious. I had a Scotch and soda at a wedding the other day. [00:21:38] Speaker C: Really? [00:21:38] Speaker B: How was it? Just because of Tony Soprano, as a [00:21:41] Speaker C: matter of fact, they used to have Scotch and soda. Yeah. [00:21:42] Speaker B: Yeah. He just ordered one at a wedding one time. And I always thought that sounds. I wonder how that is. It was all right. [00:21:47] Speaker C: You'd remember that. He just finished the whole show. I didn't even notice him drinking. I do have that one. I do have that one. Thank you, though. [00:21:54] Speaker B: Marvelous. This. This guy, one of his eyes is closed, he's so drunk. [00:21:59] Speaker C: Listen, you keep going with the gifts and. And we've suspended the no, I'm gonna [00:22:02] Speaker B: bring some next time I want. Bring a gift. I want to bring some back with the gifts. I was gonna bring Jim shoe sandwiches today, but I didn't think we were doing anything, so I didn't. So now come hungry next time. [00:22:11] Speaker C: Well, I. I brought for both of you. I was. Where was I? I was in St. Joe, Michigan. You ever been there? Nice. Nice. My wife and I celebrate our 20th anniversary, and we went. [00:22:26] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. How was your hotel room? [00:22:29] Speaker C: Awesome. [00:22:29] Speaker A: Oh, you went to the Shagathon? [00:22:31] Speaker C: No, she made me cancel the. [00:22:33] Speaker B: Come on. [00:22:33] Speaker C: She made me cancel c. She's like. She does not. Did not want to do it, and I couldn't force her to. [00:22:41] Speaker A: Have you ever shacked on a water bed with mirrors in the seal? [00:22:44] Speaker C: Yes. [00:22:45] Speaker A: When? [00:22:46] Speaker C: I can't say. [00:22:47] Speaker B: Do they still make water beds? [00:22:48] Speaker C: I don't know. That's a good. [00:22:50] Speaker B: You go out to the mattress, see the water beds? You go to the mattress firm, and you say, where's the water beds? [00:22:55] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:22:55] Speaker B: Where's the water bed section? [00:22:57] Speaker A: Very 70s. [00:22:58] Speaker C: Yeah. She wouldn't do it, so she didn't want to have to tell. Whatever. She wouldn't do it. So we went to this little place in Michigan, and I got. We had hounds in here before. Now we have sassafras candy. You know sassafras. [00:23:12] Speaker B: Sassafras I've had. [00:23:14] Speaker C: Yeah, just. [00:23:15] Speaker B: Just the root. We used to. When I was a kid, I had a bunch of weird friends. Looking back at some of this, we would. We would chew roots all the time, and I think one of them was a sassafras. I know some of them are licorice roots. [00:23:27] Speaker A: This is root beer. [00:23:28] Speaker B: Yeah, right? Sassafrasis root beer. Who says that in the movie? Which movie is it? I know. [00:23:35] Speaker A: Stand by Me suffering. [00:23:38] Speaker B: Do you have a good sassafras? [00:23:40] Speaker C: Wow. I have gorilla. [00:23:43] Speaker A: I just watched this the other day. It's. [00:23:45] Speaker B: Oh, it's sarsaparilla. Right? Is it sarsaparilla? Yeah, maybe that's. [00:23:48] Speaker C: I don't know if it is sasper, but sasparilla, he says. [00:23:51] Speaker B: He says something like, I have, like, a boom county one. He goes, that's a good one. I'll try that. He hands it over, and then he gets into a conversation with the dude. [00:24:01] Speaker C: Oh, Lebowski. Lebowski. Maybe sarsaparilla is derivative of sassafras. [00:24:07] Speaker B: Probably. [00:24:07] Speaker C: And on the bag, it says, if you like root beer, you'll love sassafras. So there you go. [00:24:12] Speaker B: I used to. When I was a kid, I used to Play a song called Sassafras Roots on the piano. [00:24:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:16] Speaker C: Who was that? Scott Joplin, Something like that. Yeah. Old rag. Familiar with Scott Joplin and old ragtime? [00:24:22] Speaker A: Probably not rag time. [00:24:23] Speaker C: Yeah. Well, I'm excited for this pipe. I'm gonna. [00:24:27] Speaker A: The Greg Mills joke. The world's Worth ragtime player. And just a classic gag of the. Of the late 90s Chicago scene. [00:24:37] Speaker C: Yeah, he was great. [00:24:39] Speaker B: He's sort of like. [00:24:39] Speaker C: He's a showman. [00:24:41] Speaker B: Similar to the Tig Notaro bit that I saw when I watched the wrong special. [00:24:46] Speaker C: She did a little rag, she did [00:24:48] Speaker B: a little piano action. Yeah. And I'm gonna leave your curiosity steeped. [00:24:52] Speaker C: Yeah, well, we'll leave it there. What did. I didn't forget what I was gonna say. Well, listen, you're making us feel bad. [00:25:01] Speaker A: You were in Missouri. [00:25:01] Speaker B: I don't feel bad. [00:25:02] Speaker A: You were shagging in Missouri. [00:25:04] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. I went there for a shag. [00:25:05] Speaker B: Yeah. Tell us about that. [00:25:06] Speaker C: Well, it's a lot of pressure, you know. The 20th anniversary shag. [00:25:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:10] Speaker C: For my wife's 50th anniversary, I took her to New York City, very high end hotel. And I said, listen, I've got a bunch of things for you planned for you this weekend. It's your 50th. But amongst them is because you're 50, I'm going to give you over these next two and a half days, 50 orgasms. [00:25:29] Speaker B: Wow. [00:25:31] Speaker C: I'm going to make you orgasm 50 times. Bless you. 50 times. [00:25:34] Speaker B: I sneeze anytime somebody says 50 orgasms. Yeah. [00:25:37] Speaker C: And I, you know, I'd never done that many. You know, it's a lot. [00:25:42] Speaker B: That's a hefty order. [00:25:44] Speaker C: Normally if we go away for a weekend, two nights, then we try to achieve the three bagger. Right. Which is a three banks and two weeks. You get one the first night, one the second night, you get to get another one in there. [00:25:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:55] Speaker C: Triple bagger. But I said, for this I'm going to do 50 orgasms. [00:25:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:00] Speaker C: And first night I got in about 17. [00:26:04] Speaker B: No. [00:26:04] Speaker C: Yes. [00:26:05] Speaker B: Get out. [00:26:06] Speaker C: Yes. Yes. For her, you're. I only have the one. [00:26:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:11] Speaker C: But make sure that she. And I'm keeping track. I'm counting. [00:26:14] Speaker B: Yeah. You got a little whiteboard pounding with. [00:26:17] Speaker C: Well, just keeping them in my head, but I'm keeping track. And I will say them like. That was 12. [00:26:22] Speaker B: Sure. That was hot. [00:26:23] Speaker C: Yeah. And then the next night I was like, all right, it got to 20, so that's 37. But after that I just. I was. I couldn't stop tapped. [00:26:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:34] Speaker C: I Just couldn't. It was just too much thrusting. [00:26:36] Speaker B: Yeah, you can't imagine lots of thrusting. [00:26:38] Speaker C: All the thrusts. [00:26:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:39] Speaker C: So for this. This 20th, I don't want to go. I don't like to kiss and tell. [00:26:45] Speaker B: Yeah, clearly. [00:26:48] Speaker C: We've tried to go around the world, you know, as they say. But what is that? She promised. Promised me a lot of stuff that was gonna happen. And then I think she. She was expecting me to go into like, 50 orgasm mode and just pound away, and it was. Peter. [00:27:07] Speaker B: Did you get the idea from your. From your favorite comedian Adam Sandler's movie 50 First Dates, 50 First O's. [00:27:14] Speaker C: Yeah, but it was great. [00:27:16] Speaker B: We. [00:27:16] Speaker C: We made tremendous love. Didn't go around the world, but went 3, 4 of the way around the world. [00:27:23] Speaker B: You just went to Michigan, a few different continents. [00:27:26] Speaker C: Yeah. So. Yeah. 20 years now. We're fighting today over what you didn't get. [00:27:32] Speaker B: Well, she didn't get the orgasms. [00:27:33] Speaker C: Money. Just money. I. You know, you guys don't understand. You don't have no wife. [00:27:40] Speaker B: Yep. It's hard. [00:27:44] Speaker C: Whose life would you say is hardest of the three of us? Yours, Yours or mine? [00:27:49] Speaker A: Mine by a mile. [00:27:50] Speaker C: Why? [00:27:51] Speaker A: Yeah, you couldn't walk. You. Not only could you not walk a mile in my shoes, you couldn't even peer into my sock drawer. [00:27:59] Speaker C: Why? Because your life is so hard? [00:28:01] Speaker A: No, because my cat's asleep. [00:28:04] Speaker B: Where's my sound effects? [00:28:07] Speaker A: You couldn't even begin with your life that I wade through every day. [00:28:11] Speaker C: Yeah. Well, dude, tell us. Give us a little tip. [00:28:15] Speaker A: No, because I don't know, because I don't think. I'm not a complainer, as you know, so. [00:28:19] Speaker C: Are you kidding? You're always complaining. You started the show by complaining about what a mood you were in. [00:28:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I have the easiest life. [00:28:26] Speaker C: You do? [00:28:26] Speaker B: For sure. 100. [00:28:28] Speaker C: Well, maybe, maybe not. [00:28:29] Speaker B: And a fun life. Oh, my God, I keep getting charged 35 now. It's like every three days. Oh, for. I have a fun life. Yeah, for that stupid website. And it's still not up. It's still nothing. I was watching the Bills game last night. I had just gotten an in. Like, they just emailed me four days ago saying we charged you $35, you know, from your PayPal account. I'm like, God, I gotta do something about that. I'm watching the Bills game last night, and they're like, hey, thanks for the $35. I get it. You just did this. And then I. So I actually, I got so pissed off, I couldn't pay attention to the game anymore. I Was like, okay, I gotta get up and do something about this now or else I'm not gonna watch any more of this game. I'll be thinking about this the whole time. So I went to my computer and I said. I went to, like, just. I was like, cancel. I was like, screw it, just cancel it. You know, I'm not gonna go to, like, what? Like, why are you charging me? Of course I look and they're like, they're charging me for every bell and whistle I didn't even sign up for. You know, I have like an email box and all this other. I didn't even ask for. And so I'm like, you know, like, you can get on the horn with customer service and try to get some money. But I was like, no, screw that. They can just keep it. I'm just gonna sever this thing and move on with my life. Nope, nope. You don't just go on and talk to somebody or just like, you know, hit a button and cancel. You have to call up and then there's all these instructions. You have to call this number between these hours and then somebody's gonna call you back and they need to confirm this and that and that. They're gonna make it a pain in the ass. It's gonna be like canceling, like a gym membership. Yeah. What have I got myself into? [00:29:44] Speaker C: Yeah. What was that? There was like a movie or where the guy tries to. Can't. Cable guy or something, right? Like. [00:29:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:50] Speaker C: Where you're trying to get. You won't let. You can't. [00:29:51] Speaker B: Yeah, they're gonna make it impossible. I can already tell. [00:29:53] Speaker C: Well, you're not gonna let go. The domain name you own for a year. I think your web hosting. [00:29:58] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, then hopefully I can just get it over to wix. Oh, my God, that's right. I need another project, too. [00:30:04] Speaker C: Well, that nightmare was softened by what? A win by the Buffalo. [00:30:08] Speaker B: Yeah, that was. Oh, my God, you should have heard how much crap I was talking. I was texting my sister about it the whole game. These dummies, these guys, they suck. I can't stand them. And then they pull it out in [00:30:17] Speaker C: the end and you're like, the Rams pissed it away. [00:30:20] Speaker B: Yeah. Did you see that field goal kicker? They said he's 511. He weighs 240 pounds. I've never seen. I've never seen a professional football player in a uniform that filled it out the way that that guy does. [00:30:35] Speaker C: Not a kicker. [00:30:37] Speaker B: No, but. Oh, yeah. Linebacker. No, but that's even different because, like, their Fat is like. Like strong fat, you know, it's like you can tell it's strength. This guy is just. You're looking at me like. Is he supposed to be here? Is this a joke? Is this Halloween early? [00:30:52] Speaker C: He went to my alma mater, Missouri, and he was thick there. [00:30:55] Speaker B: And he missed two field goals. Well, one of them was blocked. [00:30:57] Speaker C: He sucks. [00:30:58] Speaker B: He does suck. What do they have this guy on their team? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they do. It worked out for us. [00:31:05] Speaker C: And even if that hadn't got blocked, he would have missed that. [00:31:07] Speaker B: That was huge. Yeah? Yeah. Why? You've got Matthew Stafford as your quarterback and then you have this guy cleaning up after him. [00:31:15] Speaker C: Gotta find somebody better. His nickname in college was the thicker kicker. [00:31:20] Speaker B: That's great. That's so easy. It's perfect. [00:31:23] Speaker C: You must have had a great weekend, considering the big packers win. Your home must have been like. [00:31:29] Speaker A: She wasn't. She wasn't Europe. [00:31:32] Speaker B: Hey, did she find her passport in her wallet? No. [00:31:36] Speaker C: Is she back? [00:31:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Balls. Yesterday. [00:31:38] Speaker C: Why weren't we invited over while she's gone? [00:31:43] Speaker A: Why she is here. [00:31:46] Speaker C: But like CJ's coming into town this weekend. [00:31:50] Speaker A: Are you going to the Bryce thing? [00:31:51] Speaker C: Probably. You going? You running it again? [00:31:53] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm doing all the tech, obviously. [00:31:55] Speaker C: Want me to help you? [00:31:56] Speaker A: You need to run cable and doing it tomorrow. [00:31:59] Speaker B: These mouth noises are driving me insane. This is awful. [00:32:04] Speaker C: That's Mark. [00:32:05] Speaker B: I'm gonna end it all. [00:32:07] Speaker A: I'm trying to pull away from the mic. I knew I shouldn't have had one. [00:32:10] Speaker C: Well, I wasn't gonna open them. But you did. That's good though. Aren't they good? So you're going on Saturday? No or no? [00:32:17] Speaker A: Well, yeah, I'm telling you, I'm running all the tech. [00:32:20] Speaker C: But you said you're doing that tomorrow. [00:32:21] Speaker A: We're doing all the setup tomorrow. [00:32:25] Speaker C: Tomorrow's Wednesday. You're gonna let. [00:32:26] Speaker A: Yeah, but they're not using the gym for the rest of the week, so there's a lot of shit to do. It's a school gym, basically. [00:32:32] Speaker C: Oh, it's a gym? Yeah, it's called the Hamburg Club. [00:32:35] Speaker A: It's a school gym is where the thing is. There goddamn basketball nets at either end of the of the auditorium. If you want to call it that. [00:32:46] Speaker C: Well, my point in saying that was CJ's coming. I'm going to invite him to stay at my place all weekend cuz my wife's out of town. I would never do that if she was there. Right. Your wife's out of town. Invite all the boys over. [00:32:59] Speaker B: Yeah, we could have a. We could have a rager. [00:33:01] Speaker C: Could add a rager over there, you know? [00:33:04] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Too old. [00:33:07] Speaker C: Well, did you watch the game from Europe? Where is she in Europe? [00:33:11] Speaker A: Well, she was in Frankfurt when the game was on and she was visiting her mate, so. She didn't watch it. [00:33:17] Speaker C: She missed a dandy. What a game for those Packers. Really took it to the Bears. [00:33:22] Speaker B: Yeah, the Bears, really. They. They did not look good. That quarterback, he slipped and he fell on the ground. [00:33:28] Speaker C: Terrible. He slipped. He's a bum. [00:33:30] Speaker B: Fell on the ground. Nobody even touched him. He just fell over. [00:33:33] Speaker C: And the biggest indignity of it all was on the heels of Ditka's death. [00:33:37] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that's right. [00:33:38] Speaker C: Right. They lay a big egg after Ditka dies. [00:33:42] Speaker B: Yeah, it's too bad. [00:33:45] Speaker C: Funniest thing. I heard a lot of Ditka stuff going around. Brian McGann sent a text that said Dedga. [00:33:52] Speaker B: That's pretty good. [00:33:53] Speaker C: That good? [00:33:53] Speaker B: Yeah, Dedga. [00:33:55] Speaker C: I wonder if he got it from somewhere, though. [00:33:56] Speaker B: That's like the Norm MacDonald Bjork joke. [00:33:58] Speaker C: What was that? [00:33:59] Speaker B: I've said it before. It's the. He was on Weekend Update and he said, today's Bjork's birthday, so. To Bjork. Happy birthday. [00:34:05] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. I guess Dead goes better. A big Norm MacDonald documentary coming up. Let's review. [00:34:12] Speaker B: Really? [00:34:13] Speaker C: Let's review that. It comes out in like a couple. Judd Apatowes did it. [00:34:18] Speaker A: I thought of a funny death one the other day. [00:34:21] Speaker C: About Ditka. [00:34:22] Speaker A: No, there's been a whole rash of death. Right. [00:34:27] Speaker C: Well, you think of that? [00:34:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:28] Speaker C: I suck on the sassafras. [00:34:30] Speaker A: You do the show. [00:34:33] Speaker C: You know, a lot of, you know, with Dick is death. They. They kind of swept under the rug. His virulent anti. Or his virulent racism, you know, like he was canceled. [00:34:46] Speaker B: Yeah, I didn't know anything about that, but you could. [00:34:49] Speaker A: I thought Chicagoans were generally not. I mean, obviously the whole Dubair's, but I thought a lot of the real hardcore fans didn't like him because he wouldn't let Peyton have a Super bowl touchdown. [00:35:02] Speaker C: Yeah, they were always miffed about that. But they love Ditka. Mike did get toxic masculinity. I forgot to bring Sling Blade. All right, well, listen, I'm gonna go up at the open mic tonight. Yeah, I wrote some material. [00:35:18] Speaker B: We better wrap this up then. [00:35:19] Speaker C: About my wife. And I'll perform that tonight. And then next week you guys will come, right, and watch me. [00:35:26] Speaker B: Yeah, I might even Stick around tonight. [00:35:28] Speaker C: You'll. [00:35:30] Speaker B: I might stick around and heckle you tonight. [00:35:32] Speaker C: Okay. And it's sad in there. All right. Well, we actually watched a good comedian for this week's show. Of course, I'm talking about none other than Andrew Silverstein. You might know, colloquially. I can't. I can't say colloquially. Ill colloquial. [00:35:52] Speaker B: Can you say that word colloquially? [00:35:53] Speaker A: Khalil. [00:35:54] Speaker C: Khalil. Khalil owes a debt to Dice, colloquially as Andrew Dice Clay. His real name is Andrew Clay Silverstein, but you didn't know that. Who was a huge influence on me, Andrew Dice Clay. [00:36:15] Speaker B: Oh, really? [00:36:16] Speaker C: Sure. I remember my father, when this special came on hbo, sitting in the chair, and it just beat red. He couldn't even breathe, he was laughing so hard at Andrew Dice Clay. This was groundbreaking. In 1989, when it came out, the filth. He took filth to a whole new level with the nursery rhymes and all that. So we're getting. We'll get into that today. [00:36:40] Speaker B: Yeah. You guys, you could tell that everybody was really excited to see him. And I was watching. I mean, just when he came out, and not like this. First time I've ever seen him say any or heard him speak or whatever. I could tell how many of the people that I knew when I was younger were influenced by this man, which were plenty in some of the pockets of Buffalo, New York. [00:37:04] Speaker C: Sure. Yeah. Up there with Valby and Valby. [00:37:07] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:37:08] Speaker C: Him and Valby are some similarities. [00:37:10] Speaker B: His brand of humor was pretty rampant at some point. You know, neighborhood get togethers. And [00:37:18] Speaker C: I want to say this. When I announced to you guys that we're gonna watch Andrew Dice Clay, you couldn't have had a better joke than when you responded. I said, we're gonna watch Andrew Dice Clay. Dice man cometh. Is it cometh or cometh? [00:37:34] Speaker B: Cometh. [00:37:35] Speaker C: Cometh. And he responds back, seaman. The sea man groaneth. [00:37:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:43] Speaker C: Isn't that good? The seaman groaneth. The dice man cometh, and the sea man groaneth. Have other people started calling you Seaman? [00:37:56] Speaker B: Yeah, it's catching on. I've been. I've been at it for maybe a year and a half, two years now. [00:38:01] Speaker C: Referring to yourself as Seaman. [00:38:02] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And now I like. [00:38:04] Speaker C: I got Seaman. [00:38:04] Speaker B: My last birthday, I got some cards that were signed or, you know, to the sea man. Yeah, it's. [00:38:11] Speaker C: When is your birthday? [00:38:12] Speaker B: September 13th. [00:38:13] Speaker C: We missed it. Jesus Christ. Mine was three days after that. [00:38:17] Speaker B: Yep. [00:38:18] Speaker C: Which we also missed. And you sitting over here, luckily. You're so generous every week with gifts. But him and I put On a big thing for your birthday. Planned it. Came in, had all kinds of hot food. [00:38:30] Speaker B: Yeah. The cake that almost burned the place down. [00:38:34] Speaker C: Gifts galore. Yeah, I got you that hairpiece. [00:38:36] Speaker B: We sang that song. [00:38:38] Speaker C: Yep, we sang the song. You don't give a about seeing man or I's birthday. [00:38:45] Speaker A: I don't care about birthdays, full stop. [00:38:49] Speaker C: Well, you cared. You seem to enjoy it that day. Tearing open your gifts, eating all the food and wearing the party hat. Yeah, I forgot about then. Well, happy birthday. [00:39:01] Speaker B: Well, thank you. To you as well. [00:39:03] Speaker C: Thank you. I'm gonna put that down. I'm not gonna forget like you. [00:39:08] Speaker A: I am gonna forget it. [00:39:10] Speaker C: The seaman. September 13th. The sea man. All right, all right. Anything else on the agenda you want to go through before we get into the dice? Man cometh. [00:39:20] Speaker A: Did you have a birthday party or celebration two days after 9, 11. [00:39:28] Speaker C: Oh, that's a great question. [00:39:31] Speaker B: I mean, how old were you by then? I was. I was late. I was in late. Like 16, 17 years old. I wasn't celebrating birthdays anymore at that point. [00:39:41] Speaker A: My Dad's birthday was September 10th, so it was just before. You know whose birthday is September 11th? Tommy Lawler. [00:39:51] Speaker C: Is it Tommy Boy. [00:39:55] Speaker B: Really? [00:39:56] Speaker A: Or the 12th? I remember him canceling his birthday celebration. [00:40:00] Speaker C: What was it going to be? [00:40:02] Speaker A: It was just gonna be a get [00:40:03] Speaker B: together at a bar, hang out at the airport. [00:40:04] Speaker C: But yeah, yeah, hang out. Yeah. All flights grounded. [00:40:09] Speaker A: Going up, going up. The World Trade Center. [00:40:11] Speaker C: I wonder if. Do you remember was the airport. I know there were no flights, but was the airport closed? Could you go there and have a. [00:40:19] Speaker B: Just like go to Chili's. [00:40:21] Speaker A: Yeah, we're keeping the Chili's open. Life's. We've. We're all in shock. We have to keep the chilies and Annie's pretzels. [00:40:29] Speaker B: I need a salted margarita. [00:40:31] Speaker C: How do I put in the birthday in this? [00:40:33] Speaker A: You go to calendar and you do add event. [00:40:37] Speaker C: No, I want to put it in its name. [00:40:39] Speaker B: I have no idea. [00:40:40] Speaker C: Oh, add birthday. [00:40:41] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I got it. Really? [00:40:42] Speaker C: Yep. [00:40:43] Speaker B: I've never done that. [00:40:45] Speaker C: It was a month ago today. See, man. [00:40:46] Speaker B: Yeah, that's right. [00:40:47] Speaker C: Yep. Well, hope you got a big knobber. [00:40:54] Speaker B: What? [00:40:56] Speaker C: Anything else? We went over whose life is hardest. [00:41:02] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, we agreed. Mine. [00:41:06] Speaker B: Well, do you agree? [00:41:07] Speaker C: You said. [00:41:08] Speaker B: Yeah, just said it. Doesn't mean you people agreed. [00:41:11] Speaker A: I didn't hear anyone protest. [00:41:12] Speaker C: I got four youth. Well, you know what that's like. Can you fathom that? [00:41:21] Speaker A: You made your bed, now you lie in it. I get stuff heaped on me. [00:41:27] Speaker C: You do? Yeah. You. I have four youth. You have 40 youth. Really? When you. [00:41:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:33] Speaker C: Oh, these are like your children. [00:41:35] Speaker A: Yep. [00:41:36] Speaker B: I have a fish tank. There's no fish in it, but I have one. [00:41:39] Speaker C: You do? Yeah. How many go? [00:41:42] Speaker B: There's no fish. Oh, no, no. [00:41:44] Speaker C: Just. Is there water in it? [00:41:45] Speaker B: Yeah, there's water and there's live plants in there. But the fish started dying one time a few months ago and the last one finally died. I just haven't gotten more. And I started realizing maybe I don't even care about the fish. Maybe I just like having the Cuba water and the plants. It's got a little waterfall. It's got the little. [00:42:00] Speaker C: Some nice. [00:42:01] Speaker B: It looks cool. Yeah. [00:42:02] Speaker C: They're flowing back and forth. [00:42:03] Speaker B: I tell people the fish are hiding. [00:42:04] Speaker C: Is there a filter in there? [00:42:05] Speaker B: Yeah, multiple. [00:42:07] Speaker C: What if I got you one of them crabs that they use? Little crabs they sell near the fish at Petco. Throw that in there and just float around. [00:42:13] Speaker B: Is it fresh water? [00:42:14] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:42:15] Speaker A: Got a turtle? [00:42:16] Speaker C: Yeah, Turtle or a frog? [00:42:19] Speaker B: I'm worried about a turtle because those get. The tank gets so green. They just seem so dirty for some reason. [00:42:24] Speaker A: You have to build it a little beach to crawl up on. [00:42:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:42:27] Speaker C: It can't just be in all the water. It's got to have a beach. [00:42:30] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't want to do all [00:42:31] Speaker C: that but get like some. Some big like thing to put in like a Buddha head. [00:42:36] Speaker B: I have a. I have spongebob's neighbor. What is it? What's the guy that owns Squidward? Yeah, I've his house. [00:42:43] Speaker C: Yeah, you have that in there already? [00:42:44] Speaker B: It's a really good looking tank. I feel I put a ton of work into it. [00:42:47] Speaker C: Hey, let's get over there. Invite me and him over there. [00:42:50] Speaker B: Yeah, my place is cool. You would like it. [00:42:52] Speaker C: You'd invite us over? [00:42:53] Speaker B: Yeah, for sure. [00:42:54] Speaker C: Why won't you? Something going on over there? [00:42:57] Speaker B: Yeah. What do you got bodies in the basements? [00:43:00] Speaker C: Something. Something weird going on over there. Not getting any invites. [00:43:04] Speaker B: All right. Yeah. He didn't want to have the staff party last time either. Something. [00:43:09] Speaker C: Oh, really? [00:43:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:11] Speaker A: No, I had to. I had to stop falling this year. [00:43:13] Speaker C: Have you planned that yet? I know I'm not going to be invited. I'm just curious. [00:43:16] Speaker A: The Christmas one is up in the air, right? [00:43:19] Speaker B: Yeah, that is. [00:43:20] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:43:21] Speaker A: I'm booking for a shuffleboard at the Palms. [00:43:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I wanted to. I wanted to know more about this. Are you looking for table shuffleboard or the floor kind? [00:43:30] Speaker A: Where you have the floor? The one go to the Soy. [00:43:32] Speaker B: Yeah. I've never Played that before. The table version. [00:43:36] Speaker C: Yeah, I like that. [00:43:36] Speaker B: I'm very good at that. [00:43:38] Speaker C: With the saw. What am I thinking of? Sawdust? [00:43:42] Speaker B: There's something with Roadhouse Grill. [00:43:44] Speaker C: All right, let's talk about the Dice Man. [00:43:49] Speaker B: Yeah, let's do. [00:43:49] Speaker C: People are here. That's why they tune in. They want to know what we think about Andrew Dice Clay and what he [00:43:55] Speaker A: was saying 37 years ago. [00:43:57] Speaker B: I'd rather talk more about the. The sociological. See, that's hard for me to say colloquially. Sociological side of it. [00:44:05] Speaker C: We can also talk about that. [00:44:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:44:07] Speaker C: Hey, but before. What's up with this? How did. You knew I wanted this corn cob pipe? I think this is a novelty, though. If I smoke. If I smoke this, it's gonna have a chemical that's gonna fucking sear my throat. [00:44:17] Speaker A: There was a novelty rack of the goddamn things, and there was real cob pipes. He said, you want one of the. The blacker ones or the one that looks blacker ones? Yeah, yeah. They have them, like, stained. I don't know. [00:44:31] Speaker C: It. [00:44:31] Speaker A: The Flea. Yeah. And then he had all, you know, the full bifta. Everything. [00:44:36] Speaker C: What does that mean, full bifta? [00:44:39] Speaker A: Every. He had all the pipes. [00:44:41] Speaker C: Can we smoke in here? Finally. Please let us smoke in here. [00:44:44] Speaker A: Get back to Dice Clay. [00:44:45] Speaker C: Oh, man. [00:44:46] Speaker B: Hey, I ended up using that ashtray, that 10 high one that I said I would never use. [00:44:51] Speaker A: Yeah, you can always use a mountain ashtray. [00:44:54] Speaker B: Just want to let you know. [00:44:54] Speaker C: Hey, look for me for a glass ashtray, a nice one. [00:44:58] Speaker A: I've got many glass ashtrays. Here's the thing. If you want to go to the Flip this weekend. I couldn't go last weekend. My knee was totally. It's buggered. So it's. It's a day of game decision. [00:45:13] Speaker C: Day of game decision. Okay, I'll be ready. My wife's out of town. I'll be. I'll be ready. [00:45:18] Speaker A: How are you going to get up at 6am with CJ Sullivan? [00:45:22] Speaker C: I don't think he'll stay, but I want to offer it to him. [00:45:24] Speaker A: Crash it out. [00:45:26] Speaker C: I just think it'd be fun for my kids to, you know, wake up and see CJ there on the couch. [00:45:32] Speaker A: Wake up and say, what's this pile of pills on the counter, dad? Can we have one? No, you can't. [00:45:40] Speaker C: Pile of pills. He's not like that. Maybe back in the day. I'll be ready. All right. So game. [00:45:48] Speaker A: Day of game. [00:45:49] Speaker C: My knee is buggered too. You know, this past couple weeks. [00:45:52] Speaker A: You say that it is. [00:45:54] Speaker C: I'VE been riding the bike to try and get some good fluid in there, you know, Synovial fluid. [00:45:59] Speaker B: What is it? [00:46:00] Speaker C: Synovial fluid. [00:46:01] Speaker B: Synovial. [00:46:02] Speaker C: I think that's what it's called. What's going on? Is it your poor diet is back? [00:46:06] Speaker A: No, it's just this roller coaster. Right. Every time I think, yep, we've. We've shook it off. I'm getting there. Boom. The next day, I'm back to square one. [00:46:18] Speaker C: Maybe loose bodies in there. You got a loose body? [00:46:20] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. That's what I was thinking. It was. It was bone fragments from cycle injuries. But it don't make no sense. [00:46:28] Speaker C: You had it looked at. You had a imaging done? [00:46:31] Speaker A: Not yet. That was going to be next step. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to kick this. [00:46:35] Speaker C: Because you. You lost a lot of weight and then that seemed to improve it, didn't it? [00:46:40] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it's. The kneecap is out of alignment. If it's this, it's the cap. Yep. [00:46:45] Speaker C: Swelling. [00:46:46] Speaker A: No, it's. There is no swelling. I can lie in the bath for 20 minutes. Knee. So fully submerged in hot water. [00:46:54] Speaker C: That's an image. [00:46:55] Speaker A: Get out. And I'm hopping around. You know, I'm doing fine. [00:46:58] Speaker C: If you take a bath. [00:46:59] Speaker A: Yeah. That's temporary, but it helps. [00:47:02] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:47:03] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:03] Speaker C: How much weight have you lost now? £50. [00:47:06] Speaker A: 27. [00:47:07] Speaker C: That's. That's almost a stone. [00:47:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:47:10] Speaker A: Almost two stone. [00:47:11] Speaker C: Two stone. Very nice. I want to say. I meant to. This is why I had my phone out earlier. This is what somebody said about you, one of our listeners in the chat. [00:47:20] Speaker B: Where is this chat? Why am I not invited to it? [00:47:24] Speaker C: You are. You can't. I would. Mark has to let you in, though. I think he's the admin. It's Chicago. [00:47:32] Speaker A: Bring back the ha. Go. [00:47:33] Speaker C: You ought to bring it back. Mark continues to become more interesting week after week. I think people are gaslighting me, though. [00:47:42] Speaker B: Why is that? [00:47:43] Speaker C: They're saying this because they know how upset it makes me that he's the star of the show. [00:47:46] Speaker B: Do they leave their names? [00:47:48] Speaker C: No. [00:47:48] Speaker B: Maybe they want to be mentioned on the show. [00:47:50] Speaker C: Well, they. They have. Don't have their names, but they have, like, handles. Can I leave handles? Big Swifty is the one that wrote this. I don't know who that is. Big Swifty, do you want to leave comment? [00:48:03] Speaker B: Yeah, go ahead. I'm gonna make an account. [00:48:05] Speaker C: Okay. [00:48:06] Speaker B: I'm gonna make a ghost account too. [00:48:07] Speaker C: People love you. You are the star of the show. We're just here to Fluff you up. We're your fluffers. So just talk British talk, say GOB and bifta and shit like that, and people will love this show, right? You're this. You're the. The absolute star. Why don't we have the Undisputable Star show? [00:48:24] Speaker B: When people go to Tesco, do they say, I'm going Tesco, or do they say, I'm going to Tesco in England? [00:48:30] Speaker C: What does that mean? [00:48:30] Speaker A: If you're from Leicestershire, where I am, they will say, I'm going Tesco. [00:48:34] Speaker B: Okay? [00:48:35] Speaker A: I'm going town. [00:48:36] Speaker C: Hey. I was laying in the bed with my missus and we were. She was. After the big shag, she was drifting off and I was like, I'm going to watch this. Put on that Oasis documentary. Did you see it yet? [00:48:48] Speaker A: Cinema? [00:48:49] Speaker C: No, it's in the tv. It's on. It's on the tv. [00:48:53] Speaker A: Yeah, sort of. [00:48:54] Speaker C: You saw it in cinema? Yeah, I didn't make it all the way through. What happens? He seems very angry, the lead singer. He seems like he doesn't want to be there. [00:49:02] Speaker A: What happens is they break up at the end and the world tour ends. [00:49:05] Speaker C: They do. They break up again. [00:49:07] Speaker A: They don't, you know. You know what the story is. [00:49:09] Speaker C: Well, I know that. [00:49:10] Speaker A: They get Morning Glory. [00:49:11] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. Nice play. They're going back around again. I thought I heard. [00:49:15] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, it was kind of. [00:49:18] Speaker C: I don't like them, to be honest with you. [00:49:20] Speaker A: Just a two hour interview with Liam, that would have been enough. [00:49:24] Speaker C: Liam, he's the. He's. See, I thought that was the guy. I thought he was the main guy, but it's really the. He's the lead singer, but the other guy is the brains of the operation. He writes all the music and the lyrics. Yeah, this. He comes in and he acts like an asshole and sings the songs. [00:49:39] Speaker A: Yeah, but that's what you need. That's when music meant something. And people in the 90s, I think [00:49:45] Speaker C: there'd be some people, though. [00:49:47] Speaker A: I want rock stars with swagger, not these crying imbeciles you get now. Breathy whispering. [00:49:54] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:49:55] Speaker A: Soy boys. [00:49:56] Speaker B: Soy boy. [00:49:58] Speaker A: Get a. Get some swagger. You're a rock star. Get your dick out for everyone to see. [00:50:05] Speaker C: Wow. Hot takes over here. All right. Speaking of dick out, let's get back to Dice Man. He all. But he all butt whips his dick out in the special the Dice Man Cometh, 1989, first aired on HBO. How about the intro? Have you ever seen anything? This was like a. [00:50:27] Speaker A: Anything more. [00:50:28] Speaker C: It was like a movie. It was like a 20 minute autobiographical film about dice. [00:50:34] Speaker A: And was it me? Was it not remotely funny or intense? [00:50:37] Speaker C: No, it was not at all funny. It was just. It was sincere. Yeah, it was sincere. [00:50:43] Speaker A: Did you know the woman who he's like, yeah, we'll hook up later. Did become his wife? [00:50:47] Speaker B: Really? [00:50:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:50:48] Speaker C: Oh, that was his. [00:50:49] Speaker A: That was one of his wives? Yeah. [00:50:50] Speaker C: He's had three. [00:50:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:50:53] Speaker C: Yeah. It's been so long since we saw this. [00:50:55] Speaker B: Well, yeah. What happens in the intro? I know I watched it, but refresh me, please. [00:51:00] Speaker C: Well, it's like a. It's. It's similar to. [00:51:02] Speaker A: We saw it similar to Chris Rock. No. [00:51:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:51:07] Speaker C: Was it the Chris or Norm had something similar. It was very much shorter. [00:51:10] Speaker A: There was one where he was a kid. [00:51:12] Speaker B: Yeah, he was a kid. Was that Chris Rock, though? That wasn't Chris. No, it was Eddie Murphy was my [00:51:18] Speaker C: HBO was big on these. [00:51:19] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. We've not even done a Chris Rock yet. [00:51:21] Speaker B: What do you haven't? [00:51:22] Speaker C: We haven't done Chris Rock. [00:51:23] Speaker A: No. [00:51:23] Speaker C: Huh? [00:51:25] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that's right. We haven't, have we? What did he do in this one, though? [00:51:29] Speaker C: You didn't clearly didn't watch. [00:51:30] Speaker B: No, I did. And, dude, it was like two weeks ago. [00:51:34] Speaker C: We were on hiatus, I guess I just. I don't remember either. It was a thing like he's. They saw him as a kid. Like how he became the Dice Man. [00:51:43] Speaker A: A cocky kid. He's a cocky kid. Then he gets a job at the clothing store and he's calling the customer a fat blah, blah, blah. And then, then he try and do that little tear jerker ending where he leaves for New York by ma. Like, you just sitting there like, what is this? [00:52:01] Speaker B: Yeah, that's pretty bad. [00:52:03] Speaker C: I think the mom. Who's the mom? I think it's that old bird that's in all the. Right. That was in the Sandler movies. You know what? It's very much like if you saw Rodney in Back to School. They do like his, his origin story before he becomes, you know, famous. It's very similar to this. And it came out probably the same year. [00:52:21] Speaker A: Dangerfield was a champion of dice clay, right? [00:52:26] Speaker C: Yeah, I think he was. I think they were. [00:52:27] Speaker A: So that's probably why it's a homage. [00:52:29] Speaker C: Yeah. Now as a kid. Now it's 1989. I'm 14 when this comes out. Watching my father fall out of the chair, laughing, thinking it's so funny. I. I always assumed that he. This guy was Italian, right? Yeah, he does. I mean, clearly now it's some kind [00:52:46] Speaker B: of act that's what I was saying. All like the, you know, D bag. Italians I knew in Buffalo, New York would imitate him. [00:52:53] Speaker C: Yeah, but. But he couldn't be farther from Italian, Right. In terms of his upbringing. He's from the, you know, the borsch belt. [00:53:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:53:03] Speaker C: Right. And so, yeah, like, just. It's incongruous to me to think about this guy as being Italian when he's. He's so very much not. But like, to me, he was like Vinnie Barbarino. [00:53:15] Speaker B: Right. [00:53:15] Speaker C: From welcome Back Cotter. [00:53:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Is he Jewish? [00:53:19] Speaker C: Who actually is Italian, I think Travolta, right? [00:53:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:53:23] Speaker B: Andrew Dice Clay. [00:53:24] Speaker C: Oh, yes. Very Jewish. [00:53:27] Speaker A: His hair was quite spectacular. Just the. [00:53:29] Speaker C: Yeah, the pompadour. Yeah. And the jacket. And the biker. The whole biker thing. Like a Fonzie. [00:53:36] Speaker B: Right. [00:53:37] Speaker C: Or a Vinnie Barberino. [00:53:39] Speaker B: He was doing that thing where he's smoking cigarettes on the stage. [00:53:43] Speaker C: Yeah, that was always his thing, Right. [00:53:44] Speaker B: He's smoking the cigarette and then. Yeah. [00:53:46] Speaker C: When he. [00:53:46] Speaker B: What you're doing right now, Bill, when he'd put it up over his head and smoke from the other side of his mouth. [00:53:50] Speaker C: Get that. [00:53:51] Speaker B: I had a friend. I had a friend growing up. We used to always just hang out in high school. We would hang out at my friend's garage down the street, smoking cigarettes and working on cars. And he would do that all the time. And I had no idea it was from Andrew Dice Clay. I just thought he was hilarious. [00:54:05] Speaker C: But he was doing it to be silly. [00:54:07] Speaker B: He was doing it to be funny. Yeah. [00:54:08] Speaker A: Don't you have to be double jointed, though? Because I couldn't do it. [00:54:11] Speaker C: Well, you got. You get small arms. [00:54:14] Speaker A: I think you have to be double jointed. [00:54:16] Speaker B: Yeah. Look at that. He did it. [00:54:17] Speaker C: I'm not double. [00:54:18] Speaker B: Are you double jointed? No, only one. Only one joint. [00:54:21] Speaker C: Well, this arm, I don't. Can't get as much. [00:54:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:54:23] Speaker C: As the other one. Well, this. This special took the world by storm. Put him into the stratosphere. Right. Why do you think so, though? Is it just what makes him, you know, shoot to stardom from this special? I mean, other than the filth. [00:54:38] Speaker B: The same thing. Like a Dane Cook sort of thing. Like, just nobody's ever seen it. He's so confident. It's just you got to see this guy. You got to see, you know, one of those things. Before you know it, everybody's. Everybody's on board. [00:54:48] Speaker A: Yeah. I've seen comedians that quite frankly suck, but their own self belief makes the audience. [00:54:54] Speaker B: Right. [00:54:54] Speaker A: They're funny. Because if you look at Dice Clay's act. There's no comedic skill in it. [00:55:00] Speaker C: No. The writing's dog. [00:55:02] Speaker A: The nursery rhymes obviously are gonna hook you, but it's, you know, obviously littered with racism and sexism, so I don't know. [00:55:14] Speaker C: You want me to do one of the nursery rhymes? [00:55:16] Speaker B: Yeah, give me. [00:55:17] Speaker C: Do any of them. [00:55:18] Speaker A: I could do Hickory Dickory Dock. [00:55:22] Speaker C: Go ahead, finish it off. [00:55:24] Speaker A: No, I don't want to because it's too filthy. Yeah. [00:55:26] Speaker C: You don't want to say the words. Yeah, I'm not doing that one. I like Little Miss Muffet. Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet Eating her curds and whey along came a spider sat down beside her and said, yo, what's in the bowl? How's that? [00:55:49] Speaker A: It's sounding more like Buddy Hacker. [00:55:51] Speaker C: Oh, we had to do Buddy Hacker. That's another one. My father. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't do. I didn't do it very well. [00:55:59] Speaker A: And I felt like he introduced nursery rhymes really early, right away. [00:56:04] Speaker B: Yeah, he did. [00:56:05] Speaker C: That's what they're there for. [00:56:06] Speaker B: Yeah. He gave them what they wanted right away. [00:56:09] Speaker C: That's what I remember, because I only saw this and then. But he must have been around doing this act in different spots on TV for people to know him, because I [00:56:19] Speaker A: saw him at Rosemont Horizon and he saved them, basically, until last. [00:56:24] Speaker C: Wait a minute. I was gonna bring this up today. That Rosemont. If it's the same Rosemont show. Olson and I went to that show. [00:56:29] Speaker A: I know. You dragged. God, I can only imagine he didn't care for the hell that Olsen was in. Sitting through that. [00:56:36] Speaker C: He's too folksy for that kind of. [00:56:37] Speaker A: I went on my own. [00:56:39] Speaker C: But you. But it couldn't have been that night because we went right from Rosemont to the Red lion. And I was so fired up about the show that I. For my act, I did all Dice. I just did all Dice's material. [00:56:53] Speaker A: No, I. I don't know. [00:56:54] Speaker C: I mean, it was a different. [00:56:55] Speaker A: He always did the Rose on Horizon once a year. So, yeah, probably was different year. But, I mean, it was everything you expected. It was just full of the actual absolute scum of the earth. There was two fist fights in the audience. Really. [00:57:10] Speaker C: It's like a white. [00:57:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Before the show started. [00:57:13] Speaker C: Good. [00:57:14] Speaker A: I was like, really? I am getting my money's worth. Like what I expected. [00:57:18] Speaker C: Yeah. Real sleaze balls. When they show the audience, it's like a porn convention. [00:57:23] Speaker B: The Larry the Cable Guy audience. [00:57:24] Speaker A: But he did have a good. He walked out and he immediately looked at the front row and there was a older guy with his wife and two, like, older teenage slash early 20s daughters. And you could see the incredulous look on his face. Like, what? He just goes to him, what the fuck are you doing bringing your daughters to, like, a scumbag like me? And then, obviously, having acknowledged it, he just start. He just went off like, yeah, I bet you. You know, and then just off to [00:57:57] Speaker C: the balls across the nose. Oh, talking daughter dropping his balls on him. [00:58:03] Speaker A: But, yeah, who would do what. What kind of dad would do that? Take their wife and two old daughters to. To a Dice Clay. [00:58:12] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:58:12] Speaker B: Trying different things. [00:58:14] Speaker C: Yeah. I. I don't think that his audience, like, when we were going. We were going, like, in an ironic way, like, let's go see Dice. What a joke, you know? Yeah, but the people there are not there ironically. No, they really like what he's saying. They believe in it and they like it, but it. [00:58:31] Speaker A: There wasn't that much racism and xenophobia in the 90s version. And the live show that I saw. [00:58:39] Speaker C: Yeah, like 2000 or something. Right. It was about when we. [00:58:43] Speaker A: So he. He hosed it off at that point. [00:58:46] Speaker C: He couldn't get away with it. [00:58:47] Speaker A: No, I don't know. [00:58:49] Speaker C: And. Because when I saw him in 2000 or 2001 maybe, or whatever it was, he hadn't been around for a while. He was like, a comeback. So it's like, dice. [00:58:58] Speaker A: Dice is back. [00:58:59] Speaker C: And then I think he, you know. You know, he was forgiven for this Persona. [00:59:04] Speaker B: When I used to have Instagram, his videos started popping up every once in a while. So I started following him because he does this thing where now he lives in New York and nobody recognizes him. He wears these big. These giant, like, purple tinted glasses, and he always has some hat on. He'll just start, like. He'll walk up to somebody and start, like, asking, like, hey, will you take a picture with me? Will you take a picture with me? And they'll get weirded out. And usually it's somebody that, like, if you told them that's Andrew Dice Clay, they'd probably freak out and say, holy shit, let me get a picture with him. But they don't know it's him. And so they'll get weirded out and start walking away, and he'll follow them, keep asking them, and keep badgering them about this. [00:59:43] Speaker C: Well, I don't get it. What he wants to. He's just harassing people. [00:59:46] Speaker B: Yeah, he's just harassing people. [00:59:48] Speaker A: I remember in England when they brought him they bought him and Pauly Shaw over and put them on this really ridiculous chat show. And people would just like, what is this? Like, they. They sort of hyped it up as, like, these guys are the rock and roll face of American comedy or whatever. And then they would. They would do five minutes because Pauly Shaw had that sort of scumbag. Yeah. Amped up audience, if you remember. Yeah. [01:00:18] Speaker C: It was very different than Dice, but [01:00:19] Speaker A: doing the weasel act, right? [01:00:21] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [01:00:22] Speaker A: I don't know what his act was like, but it was this hyped up hot women, you know? [01:00:28] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:00:28] Speaker A: And they brought him over and he saw you watch three minutes of the material and went, jesus Christ. Like, this is the hottest America's got. [01:00:37] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. And both are very representative of America. Like, I can't see that playing anywhere else. [01:00:45] Speaker A: Right, right. Same. I mean. Yeah, you just referenced Dane Cook. He was kind of like the rebirth of, like, it's rock. Rock and roll, not comedy. [01:00:55] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [01:00:57] Speaker B: It takes a shirt off. [01:00:59] Speaker C: Yeah. There's really no. It's all style and no substance. There's really not much behind the leather jacket and the filthy words. [01:01:06] Speaker A: Right then. That's a lot of rock and roll. [01:01:09] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:01:09] Speaker A: So. [01:01:10] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. [01:01:12] Speaker A: I mean, I. I honestly sometimes I wish that half the performers in this place didn't look like six sacks of. And actually dressed up and made an effort to look like, hey, I'm in showbiz, I gotta try. Which obviously you would hate. But I'm like, respect for the audience. [01:01:32] Speaker C: Well, wouldn't it be absurd, though, right? Like, to. To really, you know, to dress. Show busy. Yeah. [01:01:40] Speaker A: I'm not saying come out in a sequined. Yeah, sure. Saying, look at what the fashionable kids are wearing now. Put some of that on. [01:01:50] Speaker C: What are the kids wearing? [01:01:51] Speaker A: I don't know. [01:01:53] Speaker C: Well, maybe they're wearing exactly what these people are wearing. [01:01:56] Speaker A: Definitely not. [01:01:58] Speaker C: No kids are dressing up anymore looking presentable slobs. [01:02:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:02:03] Speaker C: Right. [01:02:04] Speaker A: Well, maybe in the Midwest. I think you have to put a modicum of effort into your appearance if you're a comedian just because you're in showbiz. I'm not saying put a tuxedo on. I'm just saying make an effort, for Christ's sake. I remember telling the Drury brothers one time, if they didn't dress better, I wasn't booking them because one of them turned up with his T shirt turned inside out wearing a T shirt turned inside out. Maybe that was a fashion statement at the time. I was like, you look like a tramp. [01:02:45] Speaker C: But that look, that's the act, right? Like, look at Adam Sandler. He looks like a sack of. That's his look. [01:02:51] Speaker A: He didn't. When he was young. [01:02:54] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:02:54] Speaker A: I don't know. Now he's Adam Sandler. I'll do whatever I want. [01:02:57] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. So you like the whole glitzy rock and roll? [01:03:03] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I still need substance. Yeah, you've still got to have something. But don't walk around looking like a tramp. You're in showbiz. [01:03:14] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I think that's it. I think that's. That's. That's passe, you know, like that whole show busy look. You don't see even. Even someone like bargazi, Right? He looks like he fucking fell out of a Kohl's ad. He doesn't look showbiz. He looks fucking vanilla. Like, just boring, fucking. Nobody dresses fucking glitzy anymore. Right. In comedy, who. Who can you think of the real. [01:03:43] Speaker A: I'm saying, really do it, though. [01:03:45] Speaker C: Yeah, but nobody does it. Who cares? Because it's fucking phony. [01:03:51] Speaker A: It's not phony to look bullshit. [01:03:54] Speaker C: It's like trying to bring back 50s music. [01:03:56] Speaker A: When I was in my 20s, I had to dress nice. [01:04:00] Speaker C: For what? [01:04:01] Speaker A: Because I'm on the hunt. I'm on the tap. Right? [01:04:05] Speaker C: Say what you're looking for. [01:04:08] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So every aspect you're gonna dress. You know, even a rock star that looks like crap. That's by design. That's still fashion. [01:04:20] Speaker C: But you don't think the Drury Brothers were. That was by design. They were just. [01:04:22] Speaker A: No, they look like crap because that's how they live their lives. [01:04:27] Speaker C: And you think a lot of the comedians here, dude, they just show up in a pile. [01:04:30] Speaker A: I never look in the green room and go, oh, that's a fashionable. That's a fashion statement. [01:04:35] Speaker C: How about your boy Bobcat Gold? [01:04:37] Speaker A: What other women do? Women, they clean up a little bit, make it. Make an effort. [01:04:41] Speaker C: But dudes, how about your boy Bobcat Gold? Tweet. He looked like three sacks of. When he was up here. [01:04:48] Speaker A: Well, he's all. He's like. I say he. You don't have to if you're a name. [01:04:53] Speaker C: Yeah, he's a name. [01:04:54] Speaker B: All right, [01:04:57] Speaker A: well, so you didn't like Dice's studded leather jacket? [01:05:00] Speaker C: No, at the time, I mean, yeah. [01:05:02] Speaker A: Like, it was cool jacket, though, when he turned around. Did you see that? [01:05:05] Speaker C: Right? [01:05:06] Speaker A: You see, it was designed by the designer of the jacket. Got on the credits. [01:05:10] Speaker B: Really? [01:05:10] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, I didn't see it. [01:05:12] Speaker B: Good for them. [01:05:14] Speaker C: All right, here's some dice facts. Dice facts. 69 years old. I don't know if that's hard to find. Believe. Three times married. Married to two different women named Kathleen. [01:05:23] Speaker B: Wow. He's got. He's one of. Who knows what he likes. [01:05:27] Speaker C: Yeah. And on October 23rd, Christian, you can catch him at Shay's Performing Arts center in Buffalo, New York. [01:05:36] Speaker B: Hey, I've been there plenty of times. Oh, yeah. I've been to philharmonics there. I saw the Phantom of the opera there. [01:05:42] Speaker C: The 23rd. Let's jump in the car. [01:05:44] Speaker B: Wow. [01:05:44] Speaker C: Go see the dice. [01:05:45] Speaker A: Man, this tastes weird. Did you definitely clean this glass? [01:05:48] Speaker C: Yeah, he roofied it. [01:05:50] Speaker B: It's cranberry and soda water. [01:05:54] Speaker C: You suspect. [01:05:55] Speaker B: What kind of. What kind of weird does it taste like? [01:05:57] Speaker A: I suspect. I think this puffy paint is bleeding through the glass. [01:06:01] Speaker B: You think it's going through the glass? [01:06:02] Speaker A: Into the goddamn drink. [01:06:04] Speaker C: Okay. And Clay is the first comedian to sell out Madison Square Garden, 1990, two nights in a row. [01:06:13] Speaker B: Wow. [01:06:13] Speaker C: I'm sure many have done that since, but he was the first around the same time, in 1990, Saturday Night Live. [01:06:22] Speaker B: Both. [01:06:22] Speaker C: Nora Dunn, who's walked the planks here, performed at the Lincoln Lodge, saw that show. Excellent. And Sinead o' Connor boycotted and would not perform or would not be in the show that night because Andrew Dice Clay was the host. He has been on such shows as mash. [01:06:44] Speaker B: Really? [01:06:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:06:45] Speaker C: Different Strokes. He was banned for life on mtv. I don't exactly understand why, but. And in such films as Blue Jasmine with Woody Allen, A Star Is Born. I don't remember him being in A Star Is Born. [01:06:57] Speaker B: The Bradley Cooper I didn't see. [01:06:59] Speaker C: It's heavy. And of course, the Adventures of Forward Fairlane, which did you say you have that on vhs? [01:07:07] Speaker A: I do, but you turn it down. [01:07:08] Speaker C: I didn't turn it down. You brought it in here. [01:07:10] Speaker A: Yeah, I did. And you. [01:07:11] Speaker C: I want it. [01:07:12] Speaker A: You took 10 stars at the Hollywood Improv or whatever it was. [01:07:15] Speaker C: Oh, I had the choice. [01:07:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:07:17] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Bring it back. I want that. [01:07:20] Speaker A: So, yeah, I had casual sex as well, but I cannot. [01:07:23] Speaker C: Yeah, he was in that as well. He was also in that. How about his impressions? Did you like his impressions? [01:07:30] Speaker A: I'm glad I sat through it just to get to that bit because that was great. [01:07:35] Speaker C: You thought those were good impressions? [01:07:36] Speaker A: They weren't great impressions, but they were serviceable. And I love impressions and no one does them, so I guess I was maybe just. [01:07:45] Speaker C: How about this. How about this new kid, Matt Friend. He does a lot of impressions. Have you seen this kid, Matt Friend? [01:07:50] Speaker B: No. [01:07:51] Speaker C: He's from Chicago. Went to Francis Parker. Making it big. [01:07:55] Speaker B: Oh, good friend. We should have him out here. [01:07:57] Speaker C: Yeah, let's see if we can get him on the program. I thought his impressions were terrible. All right, now let's just. Let's finish up. How offended were you by his misogyny, his racist jokes? He really took shots at pretty much every. Every group here. I mean, I can't even repeat some of the things that he said. [01:08:22] Speaker B: I didn't find any offense in it, because you can't. It's hard to be offended by somebody that you just have no respect for or, you know, like, you just already. You already think nothing of them, so anything they say isn't worth a reaction. [01:08:37] Speaker C: True, I agree. Like, you can't be offended by someone who is, you know, as base as he is. But, I mean, the things that he says. Yeah, I mean, Christ in heaven, did [01:08:49] Speaker A: you look up how he was questioned on it? And he said, I'm just doing a character. [01:08:57] Speaker B: It's gotta be. Can't walk around like that. [01:09:00] Speaker C: God. I mean, this is as offensive as it can get. This the most offensive material I think we've watched. [01:09:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:09:06] Speaker C: Is it not? [01:09:06] Speaker B: And back to back with Davitel, too. I thought that was interesting that we independently picked 25 years apart, these two specials. [01:09:13] Speaker A: What? [01:09:13] Speaker C: But David Tell is not even in the same fucking stratosphere. [01:09:18] Speaker B: Yeah, he makes one. Makes the other look like a saint, for sure. [01:09:21] Speaker A: I was thinking is, this is Dice Clay, the final bullet in your shite gun chamber. [01:09:28] Speaker C: Oh, meaning, like, do I have more comedians? [01:09:31] Speaker A: Like, how many. How many are you still sitting on? You've done Valby. You don't. Dice, you done. [01:09:38] Speaker C: Well, no, I don't think of it that way. I'm sure there are more. [01:09:42] Speaker A: I can. [01:09:43] Speaker C: I can dredge up more. But listen, this. I. I'm not bringing them out because they're shite. I'm bringing them out because of the, you know, not. Not Valby, but because of the. The. The phenomenon that they were. Right. Dice is a phenomenon, and Dice influenced a lot of comedians. Of course, I'm talking about such comedians as Khalil, Andrew, Andy Lurie, and of course, inventor of alternative comedy, Bill o'. [01:10:12] Speaker A: Donnell. [01:10:13] Speaker C: Dice was a big influence. He would say the most shocking things, and I think, you know, I would say he gave birth to, you know, a whole movement, but, man, did he not kick the door open to offensive comedy. Yeah, right, like, and, you know, made everything fair game. So I think there is something to be Said. I'm not saying I like it or anything he says, but, like, you know, he. He. He destroyed the. What is the word? The, you know, medium and. And. And open the door for a lot of bad shit, but a lot of weird shit, too. You disagree? The most shocking man in America. He's like a Howard Stern or a Morton Downey Jr. You know who he is? [01:11:02] Speaker A: No. [01:11:02] Speaker C: Talk show. [01:11:02] Speaker B: Robert's dad? [01:11:03] Speaker C: No. He's not related. So I think in some ways, you know, it's not just shite. It's something to be, you know, considered. I don't know what kind of act he's doing now. Did you happen to look at any of his. [01:11:18] Speaker B: No. Work. [01:11:19] Speaker C: Nowadays, he can't be doing this kind of. Right. Like, when we saw him at Rosemont, he wasn't pedaling in this kind of filth. [01:11:25] Speaker A: I assume he's just doing nursery rhymes. And, I mean, I remember some of what he was talking about with Rosemont. He was talking about how he had a black girlfriend and his. His parents didn't like it. And he was like, I can't believe my goddamn parents are racist. And maybe he was overcompensating at that point. [01:11:46] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, It's. It's hard for him to not be this character. Right. Like, how can he ever reinvent himself or try to tone it down? [01:11:58] Speaker A: Well, without leaving people, I once found this cassette. It was half of the Day the Laughter Died. I think I've told you this story before and mentioned it on air, and it's bizarre. It's not what this is. It's just this weird stream of consciousness with huge segments that just aren't funny. [01:12:18] Speaker C: Well. Oh, of his. [01:12:20] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Special he did called the Day the Laughter Died. [01:12:23] Speaker C: That's what I mean. Once you get away from all the filth and the nursery rhymes and the. The, you know, defiling women and then attacking all the minorities in the most cliche, awful ways. And then he tries to transition into sort of like a comic and do like a comic. Then it's like, yeah, you got nothing. It's, like, weird, right? And you just can't do it. You can't be bothered. You can't do both. So. Yeah. All right, well, I thought he looks a little like Jake Gyllenhaal. Do you think you see that similarity? No, no, no. [01:13:02] Speaker B: What are you eating over there in Andy's Mint? [01:13:04] Speaker C: Those are still kicking, huh? [01:13:06] Speaker B: Pretty good. [01:13:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:13:07] Speaker C: All right, well, I think you guys are going to give him very low marks, but I want you, before you do, to consider the contribution he's made to the overall canon that is stand up comedy. [01:13:22] Speaker B: Maybe we already have. [01:13:23] Speaker C: Okay. I just want you to consider that before you roll it out. So, Seaman. [01:13:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:13:29] Speaker C: You growneth? [01:13:30] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I grownith. I'll give it a one because he showed up as far as the comedy goes. But a four as far as the sociological aspect, the change that he created and the. The snowball that he kicked down the mountain. [01:13:42] Speaker C: Really did. So that's a one and a four. I don't know the. [01:13:45] Speaker B: For different reasons. Yeah. [01:13:47] Speaker C: One. Do you want the audience to know that you do not. I don't agree with any of the opinions expressed here by Silverman. [01:13:54] Speaker B: It was. It was tough to even get through. But I do. But I. No, not once. Not once. [01:14:02] Speaker C: For the record, he did not laugh once at Andrew Dice Clay. Just not enjoy. [01:14:06] Speaker B: There was something. I don't remember what it was, but there was something he said that I thought, that's a little. That's kind of funny. [01:14:11] Speaker C: But balls across the nose when he says that. Balls across. [01:14:15] Speaker B: No, that's not gonna get me. [01:14:16] Speaker C: How about if you don't know the language, get the fuck out of the country? [01:14:22] Speaker B: He had like one sort of clever thing he said. I don't remember what it was, but. But I do appreciate what he was to comedy. [01:14:29] Speaker C: How about when he. [01:14:30] Speaker B: And that's what I would like to start addressing more. Nobody gives a. A toss. A toss about my. My comedy opinion. [01:14:39] Speaker C: Yeah, I would like to. [01:14:40] Speaker B: I'd like to branch out. [01:14:41] Speaker C: Did you like when he said your face, your ass, what's the difference? [01:14:45] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I laughed my ass off at that part. How about I laugh so hard my neighbors came over? [01:14:51] Speaker C: Okay. Alberto came up for that. [01:14:54] Speaker B: Yep. [01:14:54] Speaker C: What are you watching? [01:14:55] Speaker B: What's going on? [01:14:56] Speaker C: So he's giving it. I don't even know what he's giving it. What are you giving the dice man? [01:15:00] Speaker A: Well, I mean. Out. What. What are we ranking? [01:15:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:15:04] Speaker C: How many cigarettes across the nose? [01:15:06] Speaker B: Well, I guess your max is two. [01:15:08] Speaker A: Yeah. So you've only got one or two. [01:15:11] Speaker C: Why? Oh, two balls. [01:15:13] Speaker A: You can only give one ball or two if you've got five testes. [01:15:16] Speaker C: He's got five balls. You could get five balls across the nose. Ah, Georgie Porgy pudding and pie jerked off in his girlfriend's eye when her eye was dry and shut. Georgie. That one. I thought, oh, [01:15:32] Speaker A: how. Ironically, we watched this during the week of the Shane Gillis snl. [01:15:37] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:15:38] Speaker A: Who knows? Anyway, I'll give him one. [01:15:42] Speaker C: One? [01:15:43] Speaker A: Yeah. One doesn't hold up. And I can tell You. Back when I was Jack the Ladder and I was watching this, I would have not liked it even back in the day would not have liked it. [01:15:59] Speaker C: Even when you're Jack the Lad. [01:16:01] Speaker A: Back then I was Mr. Alterna comedy. It was very early uptake. I'd have looked at this and gone, this is. This is retro. This is some 1970s bullshit. [01:16:14] Speaker C: You don't know where the tits end and the belly begins. It's like one big lumpy piece of shit. That was a good one. I had that one marked. That was pretty good. I don't even know who's talking about that point. Make me a sandwich on the way out the door, Bo. How about that whole Del. No. [01:16:35] Speaker A: Did you know, you know the song Unbelievable by emf? [01:16:40] Speaker C: Yeah, Unbelievable. Oh, that's from Dice. [01:16:43] Speaker A: That's Dice? [01:16:44] Speaker B: Are you serious? [01:16:45] Speaker A: That sample is D Clay. [01:16:47] Speaker C: Really? [01:16:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:16:49] Speaker C: That's crazy. I never knew that. How about when he referred to stewardesses [01:16:54] Speaker A: as traveling back to Shane Gillis? That was what he did. [01:16:59] Speaker C: Yeah, he said some. What did he say? [01:17:01] Speaker A: He was very misogynistic, I think was there. [01:17:04] Speaker C: Yeah. Oh, he said, yeah, Women at the gym wearing tight shorts of their whores. What's to be gained from that comment? You know, like, I don't know. Oh, man. Well, I don't know. You know, this, like, you guys gave it one and four. I'm gonna give it zero. Zero balls across the nose because it's just too offensive for my liking that when he gets into the. The. The immigrant stuff, that really. I can't. [01:17:40] Speaker A: I was very hate ridden. [01:17:42] Speaker C: A lot of hate against immigrants, gays, transsexuals he refers to as trans testicles, bisexuals, African Americans, stewardesses, overweight people, Asians. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I'm giving it zero. I honestly don't know how you guys could give it any. [01:18:05] Speaker B: I didn't know we could give it zero. I thought it was like Amazon rating. [01:18:09] Speaker C: Yes, you. [01:18:09] Speaker B: I guess you have to at least give it a star. [01:18:11] Speaker A: You agree with the nihilist fished us in, Christian. [01:18:16] Speaker C: I guess you agree. I guess you liked one out of five jokes, burned us down. You liked every fifth joke. [01:18:22] Speaker A: Burn down. [01:18:24] Speaker C: Yeah. Not my cup of tea. Anyway. Who we. Who's up next? Seaman, you grow? [01:18:32] Speaker B: No, it's. It's Marks. [01:18:33] Speaker C: Mark, who are we gonna watch next week? [01:18:37] Speaker A: You mean who did we. Oh, so we have to fake it. Yeah, Next week we're watching seven days from now. Seven days from now we're watching Hannibal Boris Comedy Camisado. Okay, Camisado. [01:18:53] Speaker C: Hannibal Buras. [01:18:55] Speaker A: Hannibal Burris. Comedy Burris or Baress Burris. Plaxico Burris. Hannibal Boris Buress. [01:19:08] Speaker C: It was Plaxico Barnes.