Review: Make Joke From Face, Nick Swardson

[00:00:08] Speaker A: The Seinfeld thing. I was about to tell you, I tried to book Seinfeld once with the promise of a scooter. Because you've seen it. Well, I've never watched it, but apparently. [00:00:18] Speaker B: You reached out to Seinfeld. How did you reach out? [00:00:20] Speaker A: No, I reached out his agent or manager. So I reach out, I saw someone said to me, oh, like, Seinfeld has this vintage Lambretta like you do. And he's. He. I never watched the thing, but he does some episode where he rides around on his vintage scooter with another comedian. [00:00:36] Speaker B: A Lambretta is a scooter? [00:00:38] Speaker A: Yes. Like a Vespa. [00:00:38] Speaker B: Oh, like a Vespa. That kind of scooter. [00:00:40] Speaker A: Yeah. And I was like, oh, maybe that's the way to sign, like, to pull off a coup. And so I reached out to his thing and I sent pictures of this scooter, and I was like, hey, I have a vintage Lambretta that's more vintage than Seinfeld's. What about we do a trade? We do one Seinfeld show for this scooter. You know what I mean? I'm like, okay. I was like, that. That might. I mean, just for a laugh. You know what I mean? Never a back office. Maybe I didn't get a response. Maybe he's bottomed out by now. I should pitch it again. [00:01:13] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't think he has. I thought he's ever gonna bottom out. [00:01:16] Speaker A: I had this whole, like, romantic ideal of, like, yeah, he'd do it because he's so, so in love with this vintage scooter that he's like, this is the only way I can get this. [00:01:24] Speaker B: But couldn't he also buy that vintage scooter? [00:01:27] Speaker A: Probably not. It's pretty rare. [00:01:29] Speaker B: Really? [00:01:29] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, obviously could buy anything. [00:01:32] Speaker B: What is this scooter worth and where is its location? For anyone listening, it's probably only worth. [00:01:37] Speaker A: Four or five grand. [00:01:39] Speaker B: Oh. [00:01:39] Speaker A: But it's fully restored. It's got, like, some geary enhancements to it that make it go. [00:01:44] Speaker B: Do you ride around the city in this thing? [00:01:45] Speaker A: I love the goddamn thing, but it's too, like. I. It was never my intention to own it. There's a whole story. And I ended up fucking working my ass off to restore it. And I love the bike. It's a gem. But I keep saying, if you start riding it, you know it's going to get dinged up, nicked, blah, blah, blah. So I've just always had it in my basement. Take it out once a year, give it a ride. Around, make sure the seals are good and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I got to sell it. Got to sell it. Anyway, which one are we starting with? [00:02:17] Speaker B: Who do you want to start with? I think I, I, I know who you don't like here. [00:02:21] Speaker A: You pick. It's your production. [00:02:23] Speaker B: Let's. I have. Yeah, that's right. I'm the producer. I forgot I have less on Swartz and so let's start with him. [00:02:31] Speaker A: All right, you ready to go? All right. [00:02:35] Speaker B: Hello and welcome to the show. This is, My name is Bill and I'm here with Mark. This episode of Jeff Make Me Laugh is. It's two part. It's, it's a special. It's an Oscar special. Okay, we'll talk about that later. And it's also part of our gays in comedy series. Is that okay to say? [00:03:02] Speaker A: Go for it. Okay. I'm dying to get cancelled, so let's. [00:03:06] Speaker B: You are. Okay, well then let's start with that. [00:03:08] Speaker A: That's my only out bet. [00:03:11] Speaker B: You're out. [00:03:11] Speaker A: Yeah, let's start with no pun intended. [00:03:14] Speaker B: No. Right, Right. Mark, why do you think people are gay? Just start with that. Why are people gay? [00:03:28] Speaker A: Because it's more fun. [00:03:30] Speaker B: Okay. All right. All right. Well, there's nobody more fun than this guy, Nick Swartz. How did you enjoy his, his show? Make Face. Make Joke from Face. [00:03:45] Speaker A: What he should have been called is Make Joke. Make Joke from Shite is what. [00:03:50] Speaker B: Oh, really? [00:03:51] Speaker A: Would be a more apt title for this. Abysmal. [00:03:56] Speaker B: It's abysmal. [00:03:57] Speaker A: It's abysmal. 48 minutes of. Oh my God, this has been, this was the worst. And I kind of, the whole time I'm like, yeah, he deliberately pick this to wind me up. Like he's trying to get some sort of artistic tension going. Let me tell you, let me tell you why. Right? Let me tell you why. His. I always go, I always make notes on a set of what topics they're hitting, right? So I've got in, in his, in the, in the, the meat. The heart of the order for this special. He's got, he's got shitting pussy lips, masturbation, sexting drunk woman shouting, water pistol filled with piss. I mean, it's a classic in it. It's almost Shakespearean in its breath. [00:04:50] Speaker B: It's not highbrow is what you're saying. [00:04:53] Speaker A: It's kind of funny because he basically talks like a 14 year old the whole way through and starts off with a bit about turning 40. I was like, yeah, yeah, this was abysmal. I mean, this was beyond. This was like sitting through an open mic. Terrible. Like, if you look at what he covered, the topics, it was like sitting through, like eight open mic is really. [00:05:18] Speaker B: I mean, I will say I didn't enjoy it as much as I had planned on enjoying it because I love Nick Swartzen. Right. He's part of the Adam Sandler coaching tree. You know, they say NFL coaches, you have one coach and then he has all these assistants that later become. [00:05:35] Speaker A: Who's the tree? [00:05:36] Speaker B: Yeah. Adam Sandler is the top of the tree. And many of. There are many people on his coaching tree. Nick Swartzen being one of them. He's done very well. [00:05:46] Speaker A: Who are the others? [00:05:47] Speaker B: Oh, I mean, Tim Meadows, Rob Schneider, David Spade, Shaquille o', Neal, Alan Covert, Peter Dante. Want me keep going? No, the tree is enormous. [00:06:00] Speaker A: I've not heard about half of them. [00:06:02] Speaker B: Well, don't you watch. Haven't you seen any Adam Sandler movies? They're all in the movies. [00:06:06] Speaker A: All right. [00:06:08] Speaker B: And Swartzen is in all his movies. I think most all of them. And he's great in them. He's completely. He's not different than the character. He just. He doesn't stand up or. What? He doesn't stand up. [00:06:21] Speaker A: I liked him in Reno 911 and he mentions that, but. [00:06:25] Speaker B: Yeah. And I haven't really seen Reno911, so I didn't. I didn't have that reference, but. But I'd heard the special was amazing. I can't remember who told me it was amazing. Was it you? No. [00:06:34] Speaker A: This special? [00:06:35] Speaker B: No. I haven't seen Nick Swartzen since, like, the early stuff. Did you say Shaquille o'? Neal? Yeah, he's in all the movies. Really? Sailor movies now? Yeah. Shaq's in most of those now. Yeah. [00:06:48] Speaker A: So who told you, like your 12 year old? [00:06:53] Speaker B: No. My kids do love him, though. They think he's great. And my wife loves him and she was mad that I watched this without her. I don't know who told me, but somebody told me it's great. It's so good. The new special is so good. So maybe it's my barber, my tattoo guy. My tattoo guy is the one that recommended me. Grandma's Boy, which is a movie. Have you seen Grandma's Boy? This is not a. Sandler produced this movie. He talks about it in the set. That's a great movie. You wouldn't like it. Now you can see the way Mark is looking at me. So I expected a lot, and I don't think I'd Ever really seen him do stand up, despite having seen him in all these movies. And yeah, I wasn't super, super impressed with the stand up, but there are some great jokes in here. You can't shit on the jokes. You can shit on the topics. [00:07:49] Speaker A: There's no jokes. [00:07:50] Speaker B: Oh, come on. [00:07:51] Speaker A: I got a note here, right? At one point, someone explains that is, you know, flight to Bali is 21 hours, which incidentally, it isn't, but. And he. All his whole thing is 21 hours. I'm not getting on that plane. End of bit. [00:08:08] Speaker B: No, he had something there. I'm not gonna reconstruct his bits here, but do it. [00:08:14] Speaker A: Give me one. Every other podcast we've done, we've had lines where we're like, yeah, I lost it. Then. [00:08:19] Speaker B: Okay, let's start at the top. Then he's saying he wants to work out. It's all. I think he's got a professional gloss on his. On his act and delivery and joke writing. [00:08:32] Speaker A: What, you mean he shouts a lot? He's really good at. You notice that I started counting every time he Shout. Shouted. He always shouts everything four times. What would be the significance? [00:08:43] Speaker B: I don't. What do you mean? Give me an example. You love shouting. [00:08:46] Speaker A: You love. [00:08:46] Speaker B: Eddie Pepitones is one of the great shouters working today. [00:08:52] Speaker A: Every single time he shouts when he's. I mean, he's thin most of the time, but when he's really reaching for something, he shouts. But he shouts it four times. Just FYI. [00:09:05] Speaker B: Okay, I didn't pick that up. [00:09:08] Speaker A: Within fight. Within, literally within five minutes of this, I'd switched off. [00:09:12] Speaker B: So you had it on, but you weren't really paying attention. [00:09:14] Speaker A: No, no, I was paying attention. I wasn't paying attention to the material. I was just like, there's nothing here. There is just. [00:09:20] Speaker B: You made up your mind right away. [00:09:22] Speaker A: No, I. Five minutes in, I'm like, this guy doesn't know how to write jokes. And then what I started doing is paying attention then, because I'm like, okay, I. I can't sit through another 43 minutes of this shite. I've got to find something for my brain to do while remaining engaged. So I really just started it, like, looking at how he was doing things. And, you know, in the end, it's just a man shouting is all this set is. But I was looking at what the wise and wherefores. Sorry, I'll shut up now. [00:09:53] Speaker B: No, no, I. But this wasn't one of those where you were turned off at the beginning. You walked away and then came back and Enjoyed it like, no, no. Huh? Like Tom Green. You. You didn't enjoy Tom Green off the top. You thought he was shite and. Yeah, came back and you loved him. Where did you watch it? What was the. Was going on? [00:10:15] Speaker A: Okay, so evening. Yeah, I did watch Glass of Merlot. [00:10:19] Speaker B: You sat down. [00:10:20] Speaker A: I watched three minutes. My missus came in. I start. I started watching it. I watched three minutes, and I said to her, you're. I'm gonna hate this, and you're definitely gonna hate it. So I'm gonna stop and wait for you to go to Wednesday till you go to Yuka. I'll watch it then. So when I did the second watch, I was like, okay, maybe this is gonna be the magic reboot. Just. Just abysmal. [00:10:47] Speaker B: Okay. Okay, so you did do a stop and start. [00:10:49] Speaker A: Start this one. [00:10:50] Speaker B: All right, we'll take. Take the first. I mean, he does the bit about being 40, but the next bit about wanting to work out and deciding to go to the gym and he decides to swim, right? And then sign says, if you've had active diarrhea in the past couple weeks, solid laughs. I didn't like that. Huh? [00:11:09] Speaker A: I felt that. Oh, that's what an open Micah would do to try and engage you. [00:11:13] Speaker B: Okay, we're gonna go through every one of his bits. Okay, so you didn't like that one. How about when he wants to adopt a family at Christmas time, right? And so he buys gifts for this poor family, and he buys the kid a Taco Bell gift card to get. [00:11:31] Speaker A: Back to Schittz, right? [00:11:32] Speaker B: To get back to Schitt's. And then you get them a $10,000. You didn't like that one? [00:11:38] Speaker A: The 10,000 almost had me. I was like, okay, that's sort of absurdist. When he did the active diarrhea, I just put active diarrhea hack. And then even mentions other comedians have the joke, but his is better. Like, he even says that I'm great, I'm a hack. That was my. I think I'm a better hack than everyone else. [00:11:59] Speaker B: Right, but isn't that truism of all comedy, Somebody else has already done this joke in one way or another, right? Every topic's been done a hundred times. [00:12:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:06] Speaker B: Okay, so you don't like that meta moment where he takes you. Okay, no. You don't like that. How about vegans, right? And talks about how, you know, they're eating fake meat. And whatever he said, he was. I don't remember how he said it, but impossible. Instead of impossible Burger impossible. Cocaine. It's like fake cocaine. That was kind of funny. [00:12:28] Speaker A: No payoff. [00:12:29] Speaker B: Is no payoff on that one. How about old? I've heard this joke before. Old man in the Y are in the gym with the balls hanging down with the giant balls. No. Yeah, there really wasn't any. But this is where he introduces the term. And I never heard this genitals referred to as Jenny's. Maybe that's something he yells at Jenny's. Jenny's coming at you. Jenny's. [00:12:51] Speaker A: I think he got a laugh on it the first time. So, like, keep going back to that. [00:12:57] Speaker B: Well, where was this? This special shot? [00:13:01] Speaker A: San Jose. The improv. [00:13:04] Speaker B: Yeah. Looks like a very modest. [00:13:06] Speaker A: Yeah, not a big crowd, I thought. [00:13:08] Speaker B: No, not a big crowd. [00:13:09] Speaker A: Appropriate. [00:13:10] Speaker B: Okay, how about now? Okay, so I've got this one circled as one of his better bits. The origins of the dick pic. Right? Like imagine dick pics in medieval times, right, where a guy has to drop a picture of his penis and then have like a carrier pigeon or some kind of vowel come and pick it up and deliver it to another woman or to a woman. Right. They wouldn't see his. That's. That's funny, right? [00:13:37] Speaker A: You just hate him. No, no, no. [00:13:40] Speaker B: No joke is gonna land because you hate him. [00:13:42] Speaker A: No, it isn't that. You've already looking at the nature of these. Do you know how many an open Micah could come up with that? [00:13:53] Speaker B: Yes, Open Micah can come up with any. Okay, all right, how about. You already referenced pussy lips, right? [00:14:02] Speaker A: More pantomiming, more shouting, more act outs. [00:14:06] Speaker B: But what about the idea of this couple that he accidentally says pussy lips in front of a hotel and then cut to them on their deathbed and then the guy. No. [00:14:19] Speaker A: Just telegraphs it. [00:14:20] Speaker B: Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's right. Loudest sound in the world of a girl meeting another girl in the bar that she didn't expect. To me, I mean, that. That's the clip they use, I think. Or that that was one of the clips I saw before I actually watched the special as I was looking for it. Like, that came up right away. No, you don't like his girl. He does a lot of girl voices. There's a lot of voices, a lot of physical comedy. [00:14:43] Speaker A: Physical. Yeah. Going to that. Well, the girl voice thing. Oh, my God, I don't need to hear that again. [00:14:51] Speaker B: A lot of callbacks as well. [00:14:52] Speaker A: Have you noticed how the girl voice in comedy is the same as the gay voice? So, like, if a dude comes up and is. And they're gonna do voices, you know, you could barely tell the difference. Between them doing the gay guy voice and the woman voice. [00:15:10] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:15:11] Speaker A: A lot of nuance. [00:15:12] Speaker B: No, it's not very nuanced, I guess. Piss out of a squirt gun, right. And then he uses that as the, you know, a callback to. It's the only way he can climax. Yeah, does that a couple times. [00:15:25] Speaker A: That's his callback. [00:15:26] Speaker B: Yes. He's got the callback built in a lot. Pissing out of a helicopter with David Spade. [00:15:30] Speaker A: See, I thought he might get me because I love David Spade and I was like, okay, now you getting into some territory where I might, you know. And he's taking the piss out of Spade and stuff. But then he comes up with this ridiculous, ridiculous story that clearly never happened. [00:15:46] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:15:47] Speaker A: I don't think that no one is going to attempt to piss out. Have you ever been in a helicopter? [00:15:51] Speaker B: I've not. [00:15:52] Speaker A: It's loud, it's scary, it's. You're hovering over LA and you think, oh, I'll just take a piss. [00:15:58] Speaker B: That didn't happen. No. [00:16:01] Speaker A: Outside of a limo, I could go with. [00:16:04] Speaker B: Sure, sure. Then he goes into his flying bits, right, where direct versus flying. You know, one or two stops. Nothing really happens there. Farting on a plane. I enjoyed this because whenever I'm in public and I'm holding in a fart, it does seem to create what he calls a fart belly. Have you ever had a fart belly? [00:16:23] Speaker A: It's high brow stuff, I will admit. [00:16:25] Speaker B: And then he shows you how to fart on a plane by going to the bathroom and hitting flush at the same time. You fart hit a good line, though. That came from that. Like something pulls. Pulls something out of you. Then going to Mars. Figure skating on Mars in order to go to Mars. I thought he did a good physical bit where he pantomimes having a bar of Xanax the size of a canoe next to him and he's just eating off of. On the way to Mars. No. Okay. The spider bite. No, not very good. [00:17:03] Speaker A: Spiders are stunning. [00:17:04] Speaker B: Okay, so then we're getting to the end here. Yeah, we're getting to the end. And he does his reno 91 1. He calls out a lot of his films to the audience to, you know. [00:17:15] Speaker A: The films that have, yay, we love you. [00:17:17] Speaker B: Yeah. That were a long time ago. Or his appearances to kind of generate goodwill and. And he gets on. Reno 911 is his ending bit. Right. I think that was. No, no. [00:17:31] Speaker A: There's a bit about day drinking for the purpose of doing a baby walk. Pantomime. [00:17:36] Speaker B: Yeah. How about the baby walk thing? That was funny. The way he walks like a drunk guy walks like a baby taking their first steps. Yeah, that's really good. [00:17:44] Speaker A: Hilarious. And then grandma's boy. Clearly a not true story. [00:17:51] Speaker B: The grandma's boy where he scares Jamie Cannon. Oh. [00:17:54] Speaker A: About his grandmother going to see a. [00:17:56] Speaker B: Film and thinking it was about her. [00:17:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:59] Speaker B: And it's. [00:17:59] Speaker A: And then she. She arrived in a wheelchair and walked out. I killed my guy. Yeah, whatever. And then the Jamie Kennedy story to. [00:18:07] Speaker B: End where he tries to scare Jamie Kennedy. [00:18:10] Speaker A: What was the payoff there? I don't line. The closing line on that bill. [00:18:14] Speaker B: I don't remember. [00:18:16] Speaker A: No, you must have done cuz it was. [00:18:17] Speaker B: I ran out of room at the bottom of the page so I just stopped writing. I kind of. [00:18:23] Speaker A: Well. [00:18:28] Speaker B: Here'S. Well, let's talk about this. Right. Because today this is one of our episodes in our series of gays in comedy. Right. Nick Swartzen is a gay man. He never mentions. Never mentions it. [00:18:42] Speaker A: That's because his whole fan base of sandler douches. Right. And returned. He would turn on him. Yeah, absolutely. [00:18:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:52] Speaker A: Someone told me that I think like from the horse's mouth. Like. [00:18:57] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. But usually a comedian. This is what's I think different here is that usually comedian like a Wanda Sykes who we've watched Ellen DeGeneres who will also be in our gaze of comedy. Yep. In our thoughts prayers they're active. Bulk of their act is about being gay. It's. It's rare for a gay comedian to not make much of their act about being gay. [00:19:25] Speaker A: No. Since the seventies. [00:19:27] Speaker B: Yeah. Well not then. But nowadays. Right? [00:19:30] Speaker A: Nowadays. Yeah. Yeah. [00:19:31] Speaker B: Well potatoes of their act. [00:19:34] Speaker A: We could do an entire episode of what I think of identity driven comedy and why. Why it will get me canceled. But yeah. It is rare that if someone has a string to their identity bow they're not going to use it. [00:19:48] Speaker B: Yeah. It's not like he's a Timothee Chalamet or you know, actor who's hiding his sexuality so that it doesn't compromise any future roles he might be up for. Right. [00:20:01] Speaker A: Well isn't it the whole thing where in Hollywood they would you never outed because like you know, if you got a female fan base. [00:20:08] Speaker B: Right. Or Queen Latifah as well. [00:20:12] Speaker A: Oh, is that some tea? Is it as the kids say. [00:20:15] Speaker B: I mean it's well known but she. [00:20:17] Speaker A: I like to say I like to call a Queen Latifah instead of Queen Latifah just to annoy people. But anyway like trump With Kamala and Kamala. So why is Nick Swartzer not out? Is, I guess, the question. [00:20:33] Speaker B: I think he is. Or maybe, I mean, it's just general knowledge. Maybe this is one of those rumors, like the rumor of Billy Idol ingesting five gallons of gin. [00:20:44] Speaker A: I think Douche Bros have a very good. [00:20:48] Speaker B: Who's that now? Douche Bros. Yeah. Who are they? [00:20:51] Speaker A: Like generally low quality males that. Okay, we all were back in the 90s, before we had enlightened, everybody was. [00:21:01] Speaker B: A douche bro at one point. [00:21:02] Speaker A: Okay, pretty much new. In England it was called New. You didn't have it in America, say late 80s, early 90s, there was a movement called New Ladism. You're a new lad, right? Jack the Lad. And it became kind of fashionable to be Jack the Lad. You know, I mean, I'm out, I'm with my mates, I'm on the Pierce, I'm on the pole, blah, blah, blah. And it was acceptable at that point to be, you know, a bit of a. Bit of a one, A bit, a bit, you know, of a womanizer, a bit of a. And then obviously that changed. [00:21:39] Speaker B: New Ladism. [00:21:40] Speaker A: New Ladism. But anyway, what I call a douche bro is just someone who, who never saw the tide change and was like, yeah, you know, people, I think in America is like frat boys, right? Have that rep. And so I think Douche Bros, frat boys, whatever you want to call them, have a very good high threshold for saying, I'm okay with the gay person, provided they don't say it. And I think, like, he knows that as long as he doesn't say it, they're not gonna. They clearly know that he's gay, but as long as he doesn't say it, everyone can carry on with their lives. Like, I had a mate in, in school, right, and he was a massive Queen fan, but he was a douche bro. [00:22:32] Speaker B: Queen the band. [00:22:33] Speaker A: Queen the band. And everyone would be like, but Freddie, you know, like, Freddy, that's not even. Nah, nah, nah. Freddie was married. He's not like this guy literally could not process it in order to stay liking Queen. And I think that, right, if he. [00:22:53] Speaker B: Because then he couldn't like them. [00:22:55] Speaker A: He couldn't, you know, and people would be like, but Freddie Mercury is like actively gay. And no, no, no, he was married to a woman. It was just a phase and blah, blah. He's just like, jesus Christ, dude. Like, it's not going to stop being your favorite band. [00:23:09] Speaker B: Doing that for Nick Schwarzer. No, he can't be gay. [00:23:12] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I firmly believe. But I don't know. See, I'm an old man. You're an old man. You're old, right? [00:23:19] Speaker B: Yes. [00:23:20] Speaker A: We don't know. I don't know what the youth of today is like. No, we should get a youth in. Just have a. [00:23:27] Speaker B: Have a youth is Christian. Could he qualify as a youth? No, I'm not that much younger than either of you, I think. I didn't know that Nick Swartzen was gay though, until you just said that. Really? Yeah. I had no idea. [00:23:39] Speaker A: Yeah, that's how well it's covered. We should have it. You know how drug dealers have like a drug taker they bring around them. We need to test the drugs. [00:23:51] Speaker B: Yes. [00:23:51] Speaker A: We should have a youth to test. Yeah. To be like, what kind of youth? [00:23:55] Speaker B: How old would I get a couple at home, I could drink, put them. [00:23:59] Speaker A: In the corner, just say, hey, youth. [00:24:01] Speaker B: Hey. [00:24:02] Speaker A: This true? [00:24:02] Speaker B: Turn it to the youth. Like Joe Pesci. The two youths. [00:24:08] Speaker A: I wish I'd have watched that again instead. I watched the thingy a week ago. [00:24:14] Speaker B: My cousin Vinnie. Yeah, why you have that much time on your hands? [00:24:18] Speaker A: I'd never seen it all the way through. It was one of them film, you know, films that are on tell lot and you see him in bits and you're like, ah, one day I gotta sit down and just be like, rail through the whole thing kind of thing. [00:24:31] Speaker B: And this has been on your bucket list, Your movie bucket list. My cousin Vinnie. [00:24:35] Speaker A: And it's on Tubi now for all the listeners out there, that's a free. [00:24:39] Speaker B: Streaming service that you enjoy, Mark. Yeah, but wasn't on pbs. [00:24:44] Speaker A: We need a youth in the studio to be like, is this true, you think? [00:24:49] Speaker B: Yeah, I like it. Yeah, make that happen. [00:24:53] Speaker A: You know, is it true that you say this? Is it true? So I don't know what, I don't know what it like goes through the mind of a 23, 24 year old lad these days. You know, the pressures of like. Well, I gotta. I can't be saying this, I can't be doing that. [00:25:09] Speaker B: Yeah, you're asking the wrong guy obviously. Right. But I do have youth at home. But they're not that old. They're 16. I can bring a 16 year old. No, I got an 18 year old youth about to go off to. What do you call it in university? University. University. [00:25:25] Speaker A: See when he comes back from university, it's one of the. He's right. [00:25:30] Speaker B: Yes. [00:25:30] Speaker A: Okay. When he comes back from university, it'll probably be more like, okay, this is, this is the World. [00:25:38] Speaker B: Yes. Then he can speak for the youth. Yeah, not until then. All right, to summarize, and I never explained why. Well, we're calling this part of our Oscar show, Right? It's two part gays in comedy and Oscar. [00:25:54] Speaker A: Well, one thing I liked about Swardson is he did call out his record number of Razzie. [00:25:58] Speaker B: That's it. That was it. That's. That's why. That's right. Because he's not won any Oscars, obviously. But he's won many Razzies, apparently. I wonder if he actually has won razzies. Do they still give those out? [00:26:09] Speaker A: They do. Didn't someone like Natalie Portman or someone turn up and accept. But actually, you know, played for the joke and turned up to accept it. [00:26:21] Speaker B: They should. Why not? You know, can't laugh at yourself. [00:26:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I want. I want to see Will Smith accept his rats. [00:26:30] Speaker B: I think he's won quite a few. I think he's gonna be showing up at any award shows. [00:26:33] Speaker A: But the Razzies got in trouble, didn't they? For they didn't nominate a child or something. And people said, dude, that's like, beyond. Shouldn't be doing that. [00:26:44] Speaker B: Oh, they razed a child. [00:26:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:26:47] Speaker B: No, maybe somebody with a disability, maybe or something. Oh, or maybe Precious. [00:26:52] Speaker A: No, no, it wasn't. It was just a child, I think. [00:26:55] Speaker B: Okay. All right, to summarize, Nick Swartz and number one, you hate him. You hated him in the first five minutes. He could never recover the act for you and your feelings about why people are gay. Want to restate those again from the beginning. [00:27:13] Speaker A: What did I say? [00:27:15] Speaker B: That they have more fun. [00:27:16] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Yeah. More fun. [00:27:19] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. [00:27:21] Speaker A: I mean, you get in trouble for saying that. Like, say, well, what about. What about all the oppression? What about the whatever? So I don't know. I have no opinion. [00:27:30] Speaker B: I think they might argue that they have more fun, but. Okay, well, I'm gonna give him a thumbs up or a toes up. A thumbs up because that's copyrighted. Toes up for Nick Swartzen. One toe up. [00:27:45] Speaker A: Toe up. What? I enjoyed it up his ass. Because that's. That would be a Nick Swartzing joke. But then he. That's a Khalil joked ass, ass, ass over and over until the audience stops laughing. [00:27:57] Speaker B: You know, you love certain shouting comedians, but not all of them. Maybe it's because he's gay. That's probably the underlying bias here, you know, that you don't want to mention. See, you like. And I don't think you liked Wanda Sykes either. [00:28:12] Speaker A: If I recall, I think we were both neutral. [00:28:16] Speaker B: Yeah. If this washes out where you don't like any of these gays in comedy, we're gonna. Hey, I'm the one controversy on our hands. [00:28:22] Speaker A: I'm trying to. I'm the one trying to woke this podcast. [00:28:25] Speaker B: You are. You are. This is as woke as I get. Nick Swartzen. All right, so one toe up, one toe down. [00:28:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:35] Speaker B: For Nick Swartzen. All right. [00:28:37] Speaker A: Yep. [00:28:38] Speaker B: All right. [00:28:39] Speaker A: Let's never go back.