Episode Transcript
[00:00:08] Speaker A: Your knee.
What is this? What is going on? Is this a motorcycle injury?
What does that mean again? Bell end.
[00:00:16] Speaker B: Bell end is the end of your dick.
[00:00:20] Speaker A: So what you're saying is looks like
[00:00:22] Speaker C: a bell, like a dickhead.
[00:00:23] Speaker A: Oh, it's like saying you're a.
Yeah,
[00:00:28] Speaker B: Baland. That's a good one.
[00:00:30] Speaker A: This is a good one.
Hey, Every time you go in your wallet, I think you're taking out money, but those are your notes. I got new glasses. Yeah, they're small. They look too small, right?
[00:00:44] Speaker B: You look like.
[00:00:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I thought they were too. You paid a lot of money for these.
[00:00:48] Speaker B: You're like a Nazi villain.
[00:00:52] Speaker A: The guy who gets his hand burned.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Yeah, Raiders, The Last Ark. Ye.
[00:00:59] Speaker A: They're too small.
Who else wears small glasses?
Who else?
[00:01:06] Speaker C: You look like Andy Dick.
[00:01:10] Speaker B: Andy Bellend. Yeah.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: Andy Bell.
[00:01:15] Speaker B: Seriously, when you walked out of the shop, were they laughing?
[00:01:20] Speaker A: No, no, these are just reading glasses.
I got them. I went.
Went to the Museum of Contemporary Art this weekend to see the Yoko Ono thing.
[00:01:28] Speaker C: Did you guys see that? Was it.
[00:01:29] Speaker A: It was good. Yeah, yeah, it was good.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: They're not Yoko Ono size.
[00:01:33] Speaker C: No, they're like John Lennon glasses. Yeah, they're like a sunglasses.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: But I don't think they're that small, though. I looked at and I got them in the gift shop. They weren't cheap.
[00:01:45] Speaker B: They just.
[00:01:45] Speaker A: 50 quid.
[00:01:46] Speaker B: They're just regular, like, I can't see dollar store glasses.
[00:01:50] Speaker C: Can't see goddamn thing.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: I can't see a thing. Like Magoo over here.
I can't see anything in them.
[00:01:56] Speaker B: Oh, they're like, you should be welding in them.
If they were. If they were, you know, smoked, you could be welding in them.
[00:02:04] Speaker A: Yeah, I shouldn't know because when I. I brought them home, my wife saw them on the. On the counter. I was like, oh, you got new glasses. They're cute, right? And I was like, yeah, yeah, look. And I put them on. And then she didn't say anything once I put them on. You know, dead giveaway. Yeah, yeah.
[00:02:22] Speaker C: They're not that bad.
[00:02:24] Speaker A: No, no. This guy's laughing over here.
[00:02:29] Speaker C: Just unexpected is all.
[00:02:30] Speaker B: Just thinking of all the possible insults I've been hurling.
[00:02:32] Speaker A: Yeah, I know.
You're loading them up.
All right, well, how are we? Yes, we're back.
It's nice. It's just the three of us again, you know. Yeah, it was.
[00:02:46] Speaker C: I missed the whole end of the last one.
[00:02:47] Speaker A: I know. Yeah, we got your. We got your review though, piped in.
[00:02:51] Speaker C: Yep, that's right.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: From the scan man. Loved having the scan man Yeah, I thought.
[00:02:56] Speaker C: I thought he brought it good.
[00:02:57] Speaker B: I think this is working.
[00:02:58] Speaker A: Is it working?
[00:02:58] Speaker B: Just. It just doesn't have the. The noise that I associate with them.
[00:03:02] Speaker A: That'd be great to have that in here and over Christian's head somewhere. Where are you gonna put it?
[00:03:07] Speaker C: We could hang it on those hooks for now.
[00:03:10] Speaker A: Hooks up first.
[00:03:10] Speaker B: No, you got to be a nail.
[00:03:12] Speaker C: Yeah, I know. Eventually.
[00:03:13] Speaker A: Maybe above the door.
[00:03:14] Speaker C: It could be a temporary fix because we want to.
[00:03:17] Speaker A: We want to leave room behind Christian for the posters. Yeah, right above the door.
[00:03:24] Speaker B: We used to have this on air thing.
[00:03:26] Speaker A: Oh, that'd be cool.
[00:03:27] Speaker B: But the guy. The guy put it there when he criminally trespassed to get his stuff back.
[00:03:34] Speaker A: The guy, the. The homeless gent that was in here. The unhoused gent. Oh, that other guy.
He who shall not be named. Yes, okay, Gandaldorf or whatever, but the honey.
[00:03:47] Speaker B: What is that, Rumpelstiltskin?
[00:03:49] Speaker A: Are you talking about my glasses still?
Can I look like Gandalf in these?
[00:03:53] Speaker C: Who's the one that you can't say the name? Beaselbum?
[00:03:56] Speaker B: No.
[00:03:56] Speaker A: Beetlejuice.
[00:03:57] Speaker B: Beetlejuice?
[00:03:58] Speaker A: Rumpelstrap.
[00:03:59] Speaker C: No, from the movie that the nerds like.
[00:04:02] Speaker A: Oh, the. Harry Potter.
[00:04:03] Speaker C: Yeah, Voldemort.
[00:04:05] Speaker B: Oh, you can't say, oh, yeah, Harry Potter as well.
[00:04:07] Speaker C: Yeah, you kind of do look like Harry Potter.
[00:04:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:12] Speaker C: This the gift that keeps giving. Fuck.
[00:04:15] Speaker A: I don't have the face for the small glasses either. I got a long face. I got a horse's face.
Peanut head, if you will.
Yeah. So we got.
Finally, we're making this place more homey. We've got some books in here. We've got a space heater.
[00:04:30] Speaker C: You got a new light.
[00:04:32] Speaker A: We got a great new light above us. It's like some kind of, like, LED strobe disco ball. It's like a disco ball.
And we always got snacks.
[00:04:42] Speaker C: Yeah, snacks have become a theme.
[00:04:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I love the snacks in here. We got Willy Walbee's. And I meant to pull these out last week, but got so caught up in everything, I brought in these special hard candies that you're sucking on right now. If you can hear at home, they're called.
Apropos for today's comedian, Dr. Dirty John Valby. These hard candies are called horehounds.
[00:05:06] Speaker B: I know a candy called horehound La
[00:05:09] Speaker A: dee la dee da la dee da these horehounds were given to me by one of our listeners, one of our dedicated listeners, Mr. Brandon Rockhold. Thanks for the whorehounds. Thanks for listening.
What do you think he described it as a root beer barrel meets Sarsaparillo.
[00:05:27] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:05:27] Speaker A: Did you try one?
[00:05:28] Speaker C: I tried one last week after I came back in to close everything down. I really enjoyed it.
[00:05:33] Speaker B: What is sarsaparillo? Something American made up.
[00:05:36] Speaker C: It's a root, isn't it?
[00:05:38] Speaker A: Yeah, I think it's like birch.
[00:05:39] Speaker C: Did you ever chew on beer? You ever chew on licorice root when you were a kid?
[00:05:43] Speaker A: No, I didn't.
[00:05:43] Speaker B: That was licorice bark.
[00:05:45] Speaker C: That was. Yeah, exactly. That was popular in my school, in elementary school. Yeah, we were. It was a weird school.
[00:05:51] Speaker A: Yeah. You'd buy it at the store.
[00:05:53] Speaker C: Yeah. You just buy it. There was the Old Red Mill. You'd buy it there. They'd have in these big glass jars.
[00:05:59] Speaker A: That's cool.
[00:06:00] Speaker C: Yeah. And you just chew on it forever and.
[00:06:03] Speaker A: Sweet.
[00:06:04] Speaker C: Yeah, sweet. Yeah. But a little bitter.
[00:06:07] Speaker A: I wonder if you could find that anywhere now. I wonder, you know, an old apothecary or something.
[00:06:12] Speaker C: Yeah, they had like all the old candies, like the rock candy, you know, and all that stuff there.
[00:06:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
I never heard of.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: This is like in England we have. It's called.
And not Eccles cake. What is it?
[00:06:28] Speaker A: Eccles cake.
[00:06:29] Speaker B: Eccles cake is actual cake. There's Pontefract cake.
[00:06:32] Speaker A: Oh, sure. Pontiff.
[00:06:33] Speaker C: Pontifract.
[00:06:34] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:06:34] Speaker B: But it's a little black licorice disc.
[00:06:37] Speaker A: Yeah. That you suck on. Kind of like a urinal cake, you know. We'll get back to that.
So thanks to him for listening. And I was so excited this week to receive a message from Christian. I don't know if you received it because we're caught in this kind of vortex. Christian's fucking phone.
[00:06:55] Speaker C: We can't do group texts that.
[00:06:57] Speaker A: I've had enough.
[00:06:57] Speaker C: I tried replying to your group text yesterday, Mark, but I couldn't. I sent one and it did not go through.
[00:07:03] Speaker B: I never sent a group.
[00:07:04] Speaker C: Yeah, you did. You sent one to me, Kyle and somebody else about the Trader Joe's going across.
Yeah. I had a really good joke to come back with, but it was not delivered.
[00:07:12] Speaker A: So can we talk about it? The phone? Because I was all in favor of it at the beginning. I thought it was a great thing, something I always wanted to do. Switch to a flip phone. And I was applauding you for. For making that. That jump, but now I've had it with it. I'm not. It's not even my phone, but I've had it with you in this flip flop.
[00:07:28] Speaker C: What's so difficult about it?
What part have you had it.
[00:07:33] Speaker A: Well, because I can't text both of you at the same time.
[00:07:35] Speaker B: I just don't get why it can't do group text. It probably should flip. And it could.
[00:07:40] Speaker C: It should be able to. I can receive them, which is weird, but not all the time because I can't receive them from the group of bartenders that work here. Like there's a group group chat that
[00:07:51] Speaker A: maybe if they have an Android or something.
[00:07:53] Speaker C: I think it's because it's a mix of iPhones, but that doesn't make sense because I got yours yesterday. Kyle has an iPhone. You have an Android. I have whatever this is now.
[00:08:02] Speaker A: It's a jitterbug.
[00:08:04] Speaker C: Sure.
That's what he calls it.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: No, no, that's what they're called. That's the name of the phone. It's a jitterbug.
[00:08:12] Speaker C: It says Nokia in the back.
[00:08:14] Speaker A: Looks like a jitterbug.
It's. It's affecting my life now.
I was cool with it and I thought it was great until it started affecting my life.
[00:08:23] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:23] Speaker A: You know, cuz I want to text both you at the same time and I can't. So now I'm not even texting.
[00:08:27] Speaker C: Try it right now.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: Texting.
[00:08:28] Speaker C: What if it works? We don't know.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: All right, we'll try it right now.
[00:08:31] Speaker B: Actually, don't bother texting me anyway, because I'm not gonna respond.
You don't care about affecting you.
[00:08:37] Speaker C: I kind of like having the separate conversations with everybody.
[00:08:39] Speaker A: Yeah, you're like a go between.
[00:08:41] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:41] Speaker A: Now between me and him.
Like, hey, can you do it at this time? Mark says it's cool. I don't. I don't want that.
[00:08:47] Speaker C: You don't have to do anything.
I even said, do you want me to text Mark myself?
[00:08:51] Speaker A: It's. Yeah. And I. And I already have done it.
[00:08:54] Speaker C: You just want it to be an issue.
[00:08:55] Speaker A: No, I don't want it to be an issue.
[00:08:56] Speaker C: You're just trying to make something difficult.
[00:08:58] Speaker A: No, I just. I want to. I don't.
And I also feel guilty. Like when I text you, like you texted me something and about our new listeners.
[00:09:08] Speaker C: Right, right.
[00:09:09] Speaker A: That was great. And I want to text you more, but, like, I don't want to bother you because I know how much work it is for you to send a text on that thing.
I'm pretty good at putting you out by texting you now.
Making an old person get up and go to the phone. You know what I mean?
[00:09:22] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:09:22] Speaker A: I don't want to do that. And so now you know, like, it's
[00:09:26] Speaker C: well, that's really on your end then, isn't it? You know?
[00:09:29] Speaker A: Yes, it is. That's why I'm.
[00:09:31] Speaker B: This whole phone thing is dead air.
[00:09:33] Speaker A: No, it's not.
[00:09:34] Speaker B: It's like listening to parents argue.
[00:09:37] Speaker A: It was dead airs. Listen to you eat Horror hounds and liquish all. Here we go. Yeah, this is.
[00:09:44] Speaker C: This is a live.
[00:09:45] Speaker A: Here it comes.
[00:09:46] Speaker C: Okay,
[00:09:49] Speaker A: tell me what I just sent. I just sent both of you a message.
[00:09:55] Speaker C: Well, we'll see if he sent both of us a message.
[00:09:57] Speaker A: Well, I did. Don't know if you received it.
No, you didn't receive it, so it's killing.
[00:10:03] Speaker B: No, I did. Now, licorice.
[00:10:04] Speaker A: Yeah, I said licorice. Did you receive. Well.
[00:10:08] Speaker C: Nope. Nothing. See, this work. You can't.
[00:10:12] Speaker A: Like, if you're a boss and you have an employee who's got this bullshit, this isn't going to work. You got to.
I hate the phones probably more than most people, but you just got to learn to live without using it. Strip it of its apps.
[00:10:24] Speaker C: Right.
[00:10:25] Speaker A: So that it's not a distraction.
[00:10:26] Speaker C: I don't. I didn't have a lot of apps on my iPhone. That wasn't the issue.
[00:10:30] Speaker B: This is. Dad.
[00:10:32] Speaker A: Jesus.
Can we say that after the show?
[00:10:38] Speaker C: We could say it right while we're dead. I just got a message.
[00:10:40] Speaker A: You did?
[00:10:44] Speaker C: Let's see. It's taking forever to open up. It's not from you.
[00:10:48] Speaker A: Okay.
All right. Well, this is dead air.
[00:10:50] Speaker C: Well, anyway, we do have two new listeners.
[00:10:52] Speaker A: Yeah, we have two new listeners. Did you get that text? Did you send it to him?
[00:10:55] Speaker C: No, I was going to talk about it today.
[00:10:56] Speaker A: All right. Talk about it. I'm excited about it. You say nobody listens. People do.
[00:11:00] Speaker C: We've got.
[00:11:00] Speaker A: I got another one to get two
[00:11:02] Speaker C: new fans out there in. Ms. Mr. Christopher Higgins and Ms. Maeve Devitt.
[00:11:08] Speaker B: Oh, Maeve texted me. Yeah.
[00:11:09] Speaker C: Yeah. They started listening on their way to do some comedy shows and became a huge fan. Are two top fans now.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: Well, if Chris Higgins could kindly tweet that into his massive fan base.
[00:11:24] Speaker C: He still hasn't responded to my text yesterday.
[00:11:26] Speaker A: He's got a big fan base.
[00:11:28] Speaker B: Oh, huge.
[00:11:28] Speaker A: Really?
[00:11:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:30] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:11:30] Speaker B: Higgins is the. Is the it. It boy of Chicago comedy right now.
[00:11:35] Speaker A: Well, work on that.
[00:11:36] Speaker C: All right, well, Chris Higgins, if you're
[00:11:38] Speaker A: listening, we don't want. You know, we talked about doing promos. I don't want to do any promos. My life has been free of promos my whole life. It's all word of mouth. Let's get that word of mouth. On the ground.
[00:11:49] Speaker C: Hear that, Chris?
[00:11:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I will.
[00:11:51] Speaker B: I will say our listenership spiked dramatically a couple of weeks.
[00:11:55] Speaker A: Couple of episodes ago.
[00:11:57] Speaker B: It did, Yeah. I think it was the Mulaney one. No, maybe it was Mulaney.
I mean, we just raced into double digits.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: Really?
[00:12:06] Speaker B: Yeah. We ain't seen that in over a year.
[00:12:08] Speaker A: Awesome.
[00:12:10] Speaker C: Look at us.
[00:12:11] Speaker A: Awesome. Wait till that best selling thing comes out. I think she'll tweet it out. That would be huge.
[00:12:16] Speaker C: That'd be triple digits.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Hey, listen to me. Talk about State of the Industry on Isn't that special with their 40 minute intro. With their 40 minute intro, answering one question.
Well, I want to say, since we're talking about new listeners, say hi to Joanne Whittle, who's out there listening right now in her car and Rob Whittle, a couple new listeners.
Thanks for listening. It's great.
It's great to have you on here.
All right.
You know what I've been saying a lot this week?
British talk. All week I've been saying this.
Jaffers.
[00:12:54] Speaker C: Jaffers. What is that saying?
[00:12:55] Speaker A: Jaffers?
[00:12:56] Speaker C: No, what is Jaffers?
[00:12:57] Speaker A: Well, when he says, like, it got you by the jaffers.
[00:13:00] Speaker C: Oh, okay.
[00:13:01] Speaker A: Yeah. I can't context a good.
[00:13:03] Speaker B: That's actually not a common phrase. I ripped that off of Alan Partridge.
[00:13:07] Speaker A: Alan Partridge, yeah, he British Steve Coogan
[00:13:10] Speaker B: character that's been running for 30 years.
[00:13:13] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:13:14] Speaker B: He's a parody of a bad broadcaster.
[00:13:17] Speaker A: And he says the Jaffers he was
[00:13:19] Speaker B: talking about in an episode, he was talking about doing public speaking. And he said, you start off with an amusing anecdote and straight away you've got them by the jaffers.
[00:13:27] Speaker A: The jaffers.
So jaffers is. Roughly translates to testicles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been saying Jaffers all week, just to myself out loud.
[00:13:37] Speaker C: I said give a toss yesterday.
Really, when talking to Mark, actually. And it wasn't even because I was talking to Mark, it was just starting to come out and I even thought about editing saying, maybe I won't say toss because he's going to think I'm saying it because he's British.
[00:13:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:52] Speaker C: I said, no, fuck it, go for it. So I just said it.
[00:13:54] Speaker A: Do you find that, you know, like, I imagine, you know, if you're an African American person amongst many non African American people, that they try to talk in a dialect similar to what they think you might talk like? Do you get that? Where people. You find people like Christian saying give a toss and trying to, like, ingratiate themselves Through British talk?
[00:14:19] Speaker B: No, not so much.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: No.
[00:14:21] Speaker B: No. I mean, some people will change it because they know I constantly say it, but I don't think it's an ingratiation.
[00:14:31] Speaker A: Yeah, this was just.
[00:14:32] Speaker C: It just slipped into my vocabulary.
[00:14:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:35] Speaker C: Yeah. Because, you know, I mean, I only talk to so many people all the time.
[00:14:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:39] Speaker C: You know, one of them's British.
[00:14:40] Speaker B: I see. I pick up. I pick British stuff up from watching TV now, you know, because I've been away so long. Yeah, that. And it's just rapidly, rapidly evolving.
[00:14:53] Speaker A: What do you mean from watching British tv?
[00:14:55] Speaker B: Yeah. So I'll watch like a British TV program and I'll be like, oh, that's a new word. I know what they're talking about. Yeah, I'll go with that one.
[00:15:03] Speaker A: Like a youth's word. Like.
[00:15:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:06] Speaker A: Not even.
[00:15:06] Speaker B: So many youth were like, people just make it up back there and all of a sudden everyone will start saying it. Like, the.
The one that came out was Womble. This guy's a complete womble. That definitively did not exist when I was a youth.
[00:15:26] Speaker A: Is that like a bell. Bell end?
[00:15:28] Speaker B: No, it's just an idiot.
So there was a tv. There was a British TV kid series called the Wombles, the Wombles of Wimbledon Common. These little creatures that lived on Wimbledon Common. And then someone somewhere said, sod it, I'm just going to call this person a Womble. Totally made up. And then the next thing took off. It's everywhere.
[00:15:51] Speaker A: Everybody's using it over there.
[00:15:53] Speaker C: Womble.
[00:15:53] Speaker A: I won't be using that. No, I'm not going to remember too much of a mouthful.
Womble.
[00:15:57] Speaker B: The one I. The one I have started using, which I heard recently, is wind your neck in.
That means if someone's getting a bit
[00:16:05] Speaker A: mouthy, wind your neck in.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: This prick needs to wind his neck in. I do like that. Okay.
[00:16:11] Speaker A: Have you used it in. In conversation yet? Yeah, yeah. Who'd you tell the wind their neck in?
[00:16:16] Speaker B: I didn't tell someone to wind his neck in. I said, this person needs to wind his neck in.
[00:16:22] Speaker A: Did they think the person you were talking to understood what you're saying?
[00:16:25] Speaker B: I think so. I think it's pretty obvious, right?
[00:16:27] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can make sense of that.
[00:16:29] Speaker C: We used to say, adjust your strap. In this blues band I used to be in, when somebody's getting out of line, they need to adjust. Yeah. Hey, adjust your strap.
[00:16:37] Speaker A: Like your guitar strap.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: Yeah, strap on. Cog.
[00:16:40] Speaker C: It started with the guitar strap, but strap on works too.
[00:16:44] Speaker A: Come on.
You want to get into it? Talking about strap on cocks.
[00:16:48] Speaker B: Yeah, well, hang on. And before we go into that, I've got an item. Oh, please.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:16:53] Speaker B: So I looked up the whole aluminum. Aluminium.
[00:16:56] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: Conundrum. Okay, so here's some interesting facts.
First of all, he called it alumium.
Sir Humphry Davy, the British chemist slash inventor, called it what? Alumium, because it was a derivative of alumni, which is a chemical compound. Then he started saying aluminum. But then the British whatever chemical, you know, board said, no, it's going to be aluminum, to align with all the others.
However, the iupac, which is the international body for chemical whatever you call it, recognizes both.
Okay, so neither is correct, Neither is
[00:17:48] Speaker C: wrong, or they're both correct.
[00:17:49] Speaker B: Both are correct. Neither is wrong is what I meant to say.
[00:17:52] Speaker A: Aluminium and aluminium are both correct.
[00:17:57] Speaker C: Can we say aluminium still?
[00:17:59] Speaker B: Aluminum. Yeah, Aluminium.
[00:18:01] Speaker C: But we can't say the original. The original is gone.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: Forget it.
[00:18:04] Speaker B: That's Victorian times.
Alum.
[00:18:08] Speaker C: You say alumium.
[00:18:09] Speaker B: Alumium is.
[00:18:10] Speaker A: Can't say it.
[00:18:11] Speaker C: So it's like a hipster way of saying it.
[00:18:13] Speaker B: So Humphry Davy, also inventor of the Davy lamp. Remember that from history lessons? No, it was a lamp that didn't blow minds to fucking pieces because it. It shrouded the.
The flame saved thousands of miners lives by preventing.
[00:18:32] Speaker C: Oh, mines. M I, N E. Yeah.
[00:18:35] Speaker A: You could bring it down to mine.
[00:18:36] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:18:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:37] Speaker B: And it actually alerts you.
It alerted the miners to the presence of noxious gases without blowing them to bits because the flame would burn a different color. Oh, this flames burning blue. There must be carbon dioxide.
[00:18:58] Speaker A: This is dead air.
[00:18:59] Speaker C: Yeah, this is.
[00:18:59] Speaker B: No, that was. That was interesting and informative.
[00:19:02] Speaker A: See how that feels with somebody like, it wasn't.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: It wasn't just some old man wanking
[00:19:07] Speaker A: on about phones, it was you talking about some Davey guy that made a lamp. Dead air. People out there want to hear that. They don't.
[00:19:15] Speaker C: I'm sorry about this, Higgins and Maeve.
[00:19:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I guarantee Higgins wanted to hear about that.
[00:19:22] Speaker A: Yeah. Maybe he'll work it into his act.
[00:19:24] Speaker B: Yep, he will.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: But you see how that felt when. When I said it was dead air. Hurts. When you're something you're talking about, someone tells you you're boring.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: It doesn't hurt.
[00:19:34] Speaker A: It hurt me.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: I just. I dispute it. You just dispute it, but it hurt me. You're a snowflake.
[00:19:41] Speaker A: No, you're a snowflake. According to one of our listeners. Remember he said that.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: Who said.
[00:19:45] Speaker C: Who said this?
[00:19:48] Speaker A: Cheeto said you're a snow. Mark is a snowflake. I didn't even actually know what that meant. Like, you're unique.
[00:19:52] Speaker B: Chino needs to wind his neck in Cheeto.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: Cheeto.
Maybe he does.
What does that mean? I'm a snowflake.
I'm delicate.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:01] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: I thought it means I'm unique. I'm one of a kind. Snowflake.
[00:20:04] Speaker C: Oh, that's.
[00:20:05] Speaker A: Oh, that's what Cheeto meant when he said you're a snowflake. That you're so sensitive.
[00:20:10] Speaker B: Yeah. Which I. That's unfounded.
[00:20:12] Speaker A: Yeah. You're not. I don't know you to be very sensitive.
[00:20:14] Speaker B: No, I'm not.
[00:20:15] Speaker A: Maybe you are, but you don't let on my.
[00:20:18] Speaker B: I. I know, I know. I've said this before. Christian, my old boy, my entire life kept saying, stop caring about what people think.
[00:20:30] Speaker A: Because you did so care about.
[00:20:31] Speaker B: Because I did so much. Very deeply.
[00:20:34] Speaker A: Did you heed his.
[00:20:35] Speaker C: Somebody called you smug a year ago and you bring it up.
[00:20:38] Speaker A: Yeah. That's why Cheeto, who's listening?
Called you a snowflake.
[00:20:42] Speaker C: No.
[00:20:42] Speaker A: You can't get over the fact that somebody called you smug.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: I love bringing up the fact that I'm smug.
[00:20:47] Speaker A: You might like bringing it up, but you don't like the way it feels.
[00:20:50] Speaker B: No, I don't give a.
You think I'm smug? I don't care.
[00:20:58] Speaker C: You do.
[00:20:59] Speaker B: It is amazes me how many comedians are snowflakes. It's like, why would you get on stage essentially exposing your Jaffas to the world every time if you can't handle it?
[00:21:12] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:21:12] Speaker A: It's a dichotomy of sorts, isn't it?
[00:21:16] Speaker B: Hey, it's weird, I'll say that.
[00:21:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
Well, I think comedians are sensitive people.
Right. There's something about that.
[00:21:25] Speaker C: Right.
[00:21:25] Speaker A: That they've been hurt so badly by a parent or something that. That they got to get up there and exercise it in some way.
[00:21:35] Speaker B: They're not just raging narcissists, they're those.
[00:21:38] Speaker A: They're that too, probably. But yeah, they're very complex characters, aren't they, comedians?
[00:21:43] Speaker C: Yeah, I'd say so. Well, I mean, depends on who you're talking about.
[00:21:49] Speaker A: Take for instance, Khalil.
[00:21:51] Speaker C: Yeah, but I mean, I've been around open mic nights and it's not that complex. It's pretty one dimensional.
[00:22:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:02] Speaker B: I'm a narcissist.
No one has listened to me my entire life. At least I get a few minutes to say my piece.
[00:22:09] Speaker A: You think it's as simple as that? Whittling it down to that?
[00:22:13] Speaker B: That's the majority.
[00:22:14] Speaker A: Wounded birds.
[00:22:15] Speaker B: I'd say, I don't buy that one.
[00:22:18] Speaker A: No,
[00:22:20] Speaker B: I mean there are amongst them. But you, you, you. If you want me to tar the comedy community with a brush, tar it with a brush.
The brush is going to say narcissism now. Yeah. There may be a few flick little bits that I miss with that brush that are truly wounded birds. Damage didn't roll well.
[00:22:40] Speaker A: They're all damaged.
Right, okay. Well, you're a snowflake. I'm a snowflake, but I'm not. Oh, you are, you are.
[00:22:54] Speaker B: I'm very aware of my short. I know my shortcomings.
[00:22:59] Speaker A: So you're saying when I think it was Swifty said you were smug, that didn't. That didn't affect you?
[00:23:08] Speaker B: No, because I sort of agree with him.
[00:23:10] Speaker A: I don't think, I don't think you're smug. I think you sound smug because you're British and British people sound smug. They can't help but sound smug.
Even a bum on the street in London, he could give me.
Let me have two quid.
[00:23:27] Speaker B: Give me a quid.
Do it in your really bad Dickensian accent. Spare me a copper for some tea, mate.
[00:23:34] Speaker A: Governor.
That sounds smug because it's British. All British is smug.
What are you doing over there on that?
[00:23:44] Speaker C: Texting Kyle Scanlon.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: About what?
[00:23:46] Speaker C: He's coming in to do some work and I.
[00:23:48] Speaker A: Is he going to come in?
[00:23:48] Speaker C: I'm trying to line up. You know, I was thinking about asking if he wanted to today, but he's not coming in till late. He's working tonight, so I didn't want to make him come in and go back home and all that, so.
[00:23:57] Speaker A: I loved having him in here.
[00:23:58] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:58] Speaker A: But I didn't know. It was like. It was like having a four way sex. I didn't, you know, I'm used to three ways.
[00:24:04] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:24:05] Speaker A: He barely spun how to work him out.
[00:24:06] Speaker C: I thought he brought a lot of humor to it. I did too. I was only in here for about 10 minutes of it, but I felt
[00:24:11] Speaker B: pressure when I did the ad. I spent the longest amount of time editing. Yeah. Because it's so long to the length and the dead air that had to go, all of this stuff. And at one point I was pretty sure Kyle's mic wasn't turned on. So I went to the isolated file and was skipping through. I was like, jesus Christ. Mike wasn't on, but it was. He just was very sparing with comments.
[00:24:37] Speaker A: I tried to work him in, you
[00:24:39] Speaker C: know, when I was in here, I thought he was bringing a lot to the table.
[00:24:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:42] Speaker B: Maybe it was in a. In a thing. But I, like, I genuinely thought his mic hadn't been turned on until I found the isolated audio.
[00:24:51] Speaker C: H.
[00:24:53] Speaker A: Well, we're not. We're not used to having a fourth in here.
[00:24:56] Speaker C: He enjoyed it.
[00:24:57] Speaker A: He said he did.
[00:24:58] Speaker C: Yeah. I told him he should come back.
[00:25:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, we got to have him back. I would like just anyone in that's in this building to pop in.
[00:25:03] Speaker B: Get Higgins. Get Higgins.
[00:25:05] Speaker A: Can we get Higgins?
[00:25:06] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm sure.
[00:25:07] Speaker B: And then if he tweets it.
[00:25:08] Speaker C: Yeah, maybe he will. I know that Borky wanted to pop in for a special that she was wondering if we would do so well.
[00:25:17] Speaker A: Yeah, let's have her come in. She.
[00:25:19] Speaker C: I think that would be. Yeah, she's a good podcaster.
[00:25:21] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. All right. You're open to that?
[00:25:24] Speaker B: Yeah, anything that gets me the f out of here.
[00:25:28] Speaker C: How would that get you the f out of here?
[00:25:30] Speaker A: You're trying to get out of here.
[00:25:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:31] Speaker A: You're trying to retire from this program.
[00:25:33] Speaker B: Yep. It's my official retirement.
[00:25:35] Speaker C: So what. So do you want. Do you want to be swapped out with these gusts, or do you want to remain?
[00:25:39] Speaker A: You need a vacation.
[00:25:40] Speaker B: We'll see.
[00:25:41] Speaker A: We'll send you on hiatus.
[00:25:43] Speaker B: Depression.
[00:25:43] Speaker A: You got the depression.
You seem like you got a little depression today, but you gimping around.
[00:25:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:50] Speaker A: You know what? What I learned this week, I listened to where was I on my trip to Missouri. I listened to some other podcasts, and I listened to the Dax Shepard one. Had an expert on there about gut health.
Research is uncovering that gut health is the key to a lot of things outside the gut.
[00:26:13] Speaker C: That's what they say.
[00:26:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Like mood, sexual energy, lots of stuff like that.
Now, if we were to analyze your gut health. Spam, Yakisoba noodles, Snickers bars, pretty much anything we put out here. Right. One might think that hot dogs, chicken dippers, potato wedges.
That maybe that's affecting your mood. Right.
[00:26:42] Speaker B: You know what I should have done? I should have got on a proper fitness regime when I. You know, we were talking about rehumanizing.
[00:26:49] Speaker A: Yeah, you're the rehumanizing.
[00:26:50] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:26:51] Speaker B: I never got on a proper fitness regime. And that is. That's key to.
[00:26:57] Speaker A: That's part of it.
[00:26:59] Speaker B: I think it was Brian Petrovka who famously said, the gym is my Prozac.
[00:27:04] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:27:05] Speaker B: To which we said, no, the actual Prozac is Prozac, but the gym is additional.
[00:27:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:10] Speaker B: I should have got the gym.
[00:27:11] Speaker C: That's how I think about. That's why I ride that bike everywhere.
[00:27:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:14] Speaker C: Even if I'm feeling. Yeah. If I'm feeling like, you know, a little behind or tired or even a little blue, dare I say. I know that if I take a nice brisk ride somewhere, I'm gonna feel completely different by the time I get there.
[00:27:28] Speaker A: Yeah. And you've worked, you're working it into your daily commute and your routine. Then there's your exercises. So if you don't exercise outside that, you still exercise, Right?
[00:27:34] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: What about just walking? Mark, Maybe you and I go for walks. You want to go for a walk with me? We're kind of in the same. I know, not right now, but when. When your wheel heels.
Maybe I'll walk over there, you know, for a walking. She is.
[00:27:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:49] Speaker A: Do you walk with her when you're.
[00:27:51] Speaker B: Ish. Sometimes ambulatory. Yeah.
[00:27:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:55] Speaker B: Well, I find walking boring though. I think just getting in the gym, focus a bit of. A bit of what you call it, what do you call it?
[00:28:05] Speaker A: Where you breathe in respiratory.
Cardio.
[00:28:09] Speaker B: Cardio better. Cardio better. Weights perfect.
[00:28:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:13] Speaker B: I've never been fitter than when I did circuit training, which was just a bit of a run, you know.
Bit of a run.
That felt good.
[00:28:22] Speaker C: It's also the diet a lot too, you know.
[00:28:24] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
[00:28:25] Speaker C: Start your day with a salad. You'll see, you'll be shocked how much better you feel, positive you are.
[00:28:30] Speaker B: It's a two edged sword because once I'm in the gym then I don't eat because what's the point?
You just undoing what you're doing.
[00:28:40] Speaker C: Right.
[00:28:40] Speaker B: So it's. It's a double down.
[00:28:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:43] Speaker C: Yeah. But you can start with one, you know, but if you're doing some greens.
[00:28:46] Speaker B: But nothing if it's a.
[00:28:50] Speaker C: Tell you if it's a.
[00:28:51] Speaker A: What do they call that? Choice. If it's. If you got to choose one, it's diet.
[00:28:54] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:28:55] Speaker A: It's not.
[00:28:55] Speaker C: It's not hard to do.
It's.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: Diet trumps gym.
[00:28:59] Speaker B: You. You got a false impression of my diet.
[00:29:03] Speaker A: Well, can you blame me?
[00:29:05] Speaker B: No.
[00:29:05] Speaker A: I mean, I only know what I
[00:29:06] Speaker B: say, but honestly, my diet is not that horrendous.
[00:29:13] Speaker C: What'd you have for breakfast today?
[00:29:15] Speaker A: All right, let's go through it.
[00:29:16] Speaker B: Porridge.
[00:29:17] Speaker A: Porridge, of course.
[00:29:19] Speaker C: Even though they still made porridge.
[00:29:20] Speaker B: Porridge and a leftover orange.
[00:29:25] Speaker A: Leftover orange?
[00:29:27] Speaker C: Yeah, we, we use oranges for the old fashioned.
[00:29:29] Speaker A: You're eating, you're eating the citrus from the bar.
[00:29:32] Speaker B: No, these, these guys behind the bar skin the, the
[00:29:38] Speaker A: zesting Yep.
[00:29:39] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:29:39] Speaker B: I take the remainder of the orange.
[00:29:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:29:42] Speaker B: And eat it.
[00:29:43] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:29:45] Speaker B: So I'm getting the fiber and all the vitamin shy.
[00:29:48] Speaker A: That's good. And the porridge. Now, porridge, that's oatmeal.
[00:29:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:52] Speaker A: It's not porridge. I've never seen porridge anywhere.
[00:29:55] Speaker B: Porridge.
[00:29:55] Speaker C: Just a different word for it.
[00:29:57] Speaker A: Is it. I don't know. I can't think the same thing as oatmeal.
[00:29:59] Speaker C: Porridge makes me think of Oliver Twist.
[00:30:01] Speaker A: Hey, I gr. Oh, that's. He likes. He wants more gruel, Sir.
[00:30:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Porridge is. Is oats.
[00:30:09] Speaker C: Porridge is the three bears.
[00:30:11] Speaker A: Three bears?
[00:30:12] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:30:13] Speaker A: Do you do overnight oats? I don't like hot oats. I like overnight cold oats.
[00:30:17] Speaker B: Oh, nice.
[00:30:18] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:30:18] Speaker A: No good? Yeah.
I don't. Maybe I don't make it ripe.
[00:30:22] Speaker B: Bluey ready Bre. It's central heating for kids.
[00:30:26] Speaker C: What?
[00:30:27] Speaker B: That's what the advert used to say.
[00:30:29] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:30:30] Speaker B: You see two kids walk into school, and one's like, I'm freezing, and the other's just glowing red because he's had his. Ready.
[00:30:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right, so you had an orange and porridge. And then what about lunch?
[00:30:43] Speaker B: Lunch is half a tin of tomato soup and a cheese sandwich.
[00:30:47] Speaker A: Okay. What kind of bread on that?
[00:30:51] Speaker B: Whole wheat. Whatever it's called.
[00:30:52] Speaker A: Wheat.
[00:30:53] Speaker C: What kind of tomato soup?
[00:30:55] Speaker B: Campbell's Progresso.
[00:30:58] Speaker A: Think that's a problem?
[00:30:59] Speaker C: A lot of sodium.
[00:31:00] Speaker A: It is.
[00:31:01] Speaker B: But you. If you start making your own soup, it's three goddamn hours to make soup with shite in it.
[00:31:08] Speaker A: I made a black bean soup, but
[00:31:09] Speaker B: I only have half a ten soup. Half a ten?
[00:31:12] Speaker A: Yeah. Like eight. Yeah. Okay.
[00:31:14] Speaker B: But I mean, every brand of soup, they just sodium the shit out of it.
[00:31:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:31:20] Speaker A: All right. What's on the menu for dinner tonight?
[00:31:23] Speaker B: Dinner tonight's gonna be reheats of the beef roast with cabbage, carrots, and potatoes that I made on Tuesday.
[00:31:36] Speaker A: Well, these are. These are not bad things. And this is we. This. You would say this is a typical day of eating for you. Most days. Something like this. What you're talking about.
[00:31:43] Speaker B: Every day.
[00:31:44] Speaker C: Okay, so what about the hot dog days?
[00:31:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:46] Speaker C: Every time I see.
[00:31:46] Speaker A: It's the. It's Jewel hot dogs, it's Spam, it's Wednesday.
[00:31:50] Speaker B: Because that's. I'm coming here for this.
[00:31:53] Speaker C: Well, then, so it's not every day.
[00:31:55] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:31:55] Speaker B: No, it's one day a week.
[00:31:57] Speaker A: So why didn't you have your. Your favorite today?
[00:31:59] Speaker B: I had to get here early for the whole. Danny Callis stage fiasco.
[00:32:03] Speaker A: So is he coming back?
[00:32:04] Speaker B: No, he's not.
[00:32:05] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:32:05] Speaker A: Because he. Yeah, okay, alright, well maybe we mischaracterized. You is like a garbage can of.
[00:32:14] Speaker B: I am not a garbage can.
I do have two vices.
[00:32:20] Speaker A: Snickers bars.
[00:32:21] Speaker B: Chalky. Yep.
And pop.
[00:32:25] Speaker A: Ooh, that's a killer that. No. So does the new cigarettes. Yeah, I know what kind of pop you go for?
[00:32:33] Speaker B: Coke Zero, but it doesn't really matter. This Russian I work with said it's bad. It helps metabolize food too fast and
[00:32:41] Speaker A: blah blah blah, soda in general.
Yeah, yeah.
[00:32:45] Speaker B: But I can't live without that. Christ. I go one thing.
[00:32:48] Speaker A: Because you don't booze.
[00:32:49] Speaker B: I don't booze drugs.
[00:32:52] Speaker C: No.
[00:32:52] Speaker A: Sweetly give me one goddamn thing. I think that's.
[00:32:55] Speaker C: I think that's fair. Yeah.
[00:32:56] Speaker A: One a day you're having or more.
[00:32:59] Speaker B: No, I. I did limit the. The pop because I was going ballistic on it.
[00:33:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:03] Speaker B: But yeah, if I could give up the chockies, I'd probably be quids in there.
[00:33:08] Speaker C: Whenever I hang out with my sister. I've got two younger sisters and one of them.
Something about every time I see her, we'll meet at some bar. She lives in Buffalo. It's Jack and Cokes. We'll sit there and we'll drink 12 Jack and Cokes.
[00:33:21] Speaker A: Oh God. Two liter Coke.
[00:33:25] Speaker C: Every single time. I know what a mistake this is about to be. Oh boy. It gets worse. It gets worse every time.
[00:33:31] Speaker A: Yeah, the hangovers for Jack and Coke.
[00:33:34] Speaker C: It's not even just the hangover, just like the feeling of just like bloated and all the sugar in your blood.
Used to, you know, like I don't drink pop so. But when we get together, we it. We're drinking Jack and Cokes.
[00:33:48] Speaker B: The only thing my Aussie mate Shane would drink was Jack and Cokes and it's just.
[00:33:53] Speaker C: They're delicious.
[00:33:53] Speaker B: Turned into a maniac every time.
[00:33:56] Speaker C: Oh really?
[00:33:57] Speaker B: One time we were at a speedway match and he pulled the top off, you know, an air horn, you know, pull the top off that and he's lighting it and there's a ten foot flames.
[00:34:07] Speaker C: Jesus Christ.
[00:34:09] Speaker B: And we're just sitting in the stadium
[00:34:11] Speaker A: like what does that have to do with the Jack and Cokes?
[00:34:14] Speaker B: Because it's all he would drink and
[00:34:15] Speaker A: when he drink them, get loaded up.
[00:34:17] Speaker B: Oh man. Yeah.
[00:34:18] Speaker C: My sister, we just laugh our asses off. We've never lit anything on fire.
[00:34:21] Speaker B: Oh my God.
[00:34:22] Speaker A: The great comedian C.J. sullivan used to like the Jack.
[00:34:25] Speaker C: And they're so good.
[00:34:26] Speaker A: They are I love them.
[00:34:28] Speaker C: Yeah. If it weren't terrible for you, I'd probably drink them all the time.
[00:34:32] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
All right, well, I'm gonna. I'm gonna come find you when you're ready to go, and we'll have a walk like the ladies. My wife, that's all she does is walk. I think you could just walk and walk a couple miles a day.
[00:34:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:34:43] Speaker A: And you'd be good. You wouldn't need to go to the gym.
[00:34:45] Speaker B: When we first let. Started letting the cats out, I had these little Bluetooth tags on them, and I would have to go find them. You. It tells you they're near.
[00:34:53] Speaker A: Oh, that's a good idea.
[00:34:54] Speaker B: It doesn't tell you where they are, but it goes off when they're near.
You know what I mean?
[00:34:59] Speaker A: They're near to you.
[00:35:00] Speaker B: Yeah. So I. Yeah. So I could find them, you know. Oh, they're in this garden or whatever.
[00:35:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:06] Speaker B: I lost 10 pounds walking around that summer just trying to find the. Where the goddamn cats were.
[00:35:14] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. So you don't like walking because you think it's boring.
[00:35:17] Speaker B: It's just boring.
[00:35:18] Speaker A: But what if you go with somebody else and you have a chat?
[00:35:20] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:35:21] Speaker A: But you don't like to talk.
[00:35:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:23] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, that's right.
[00:35:24] Speaker B: I'm gonna be depressed.
[00:35:25] Speaker A: Be depressed. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:35:27] Speaker B: It's negated another thing, too, I think,
[00:35:29] Speaker A: for this show to make you less depressed.
When I get here, we talk a lot before we even come in here at 37 minutes.
[00:35:37] Speaker B: Sit in silence.
[00:35:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:35:38] Speaker A: We just. We don't talk, and then we'll just save it for here.
[00:35:41] Speaker B: 37. Fine. This review is not.
[00:35:44] Speaker A: Oh, I beg to differ.
[00:35:46] Speaker C: We're chopping 15 minutes out of phone talk.
[00:35:49] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:35:50] Speaker C: And whatever else.
[00:35:51] Speaker A: Hey, what's coming out today for.
For our episode. Stelling coming out today.
[00:35:56] Speaker C: Yeah,
[00:35:58] Speaker B: yeah, yeah.
[00:35:59] Speaker A: Because we did two that week, so it could be Stelling or it could be whatever.
Who do we do Last week you picked. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
[00:36:07] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
Because Kyle was here.
[00:36:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:12] Speaker B: Stelling today. Galifianakis next week.
[00:36:15] Speaker A: Well, I can't wait for today's comedian to come out because this, you know, this. This is off the beaten path, this special. You're gonna find this special on YouTube.
[00:36:27] Speaker B: I can take issue with the words.
[00:36:30] Speaker C: Yeah, I don't know.
[00:36:31] Speaker A: It's a special.
[00:36:32] Speaker C: Directed.
[00:36:33] Speaker A: Did you hang in for the end? It was directed by. No, Travis Hernie.
[00:36:38] Speaker B: I thought it said directed by Marshall Burl. Oh, and nephew of Milton Berle and erstwhile manager of Van Halen and Rat.
[00:36:47] Speaker A: Are you Kidding. Did you look that up?
[00:36:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:50] Speaker A: Wait, I thought it was Travis Herney. Why do I have that written down?
[00:36:52] Speaker B: Well, Marshall Bill might have been executive producer.
[00:36:55] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:36:57] Speaker B: I knew the name because I think I might have met the guy or something at some point.
[00:37:02] Speaker A: There's not a lot of production value in this special.
[00:37:05] Speaker C: No, that's just. Why was there a direct?
[00:37:07] Speaker B: It's almost like a poorly recorded, poorly edited series of clips.
[00:37:12] Speaker C: Like somebody did it on Imovie.
[00:37:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:14] Speaker A: It's not a series of clips though, because it's the same.
It's the same venue.
[00:37:18] Speaker C: They just cut out all the band.
[00:37:20] Speaker A: They might have cut out a couple
[00:37:21] Speaker B: bits, but does he banter between?
[00:37:23] Speaker C: He must, because you can see he'll like turn to, start talking and then the screen goes black and says, here's the next song.
[00:37:28] Speaker B: Why did they feel the need to
[00:37:29] Speaker A: cut out the band?
[00:37:30] Speaker B: That genius?
[00:37:31] Speaker C: Well, they just wanted to have the
[00:37:32] Speaker A: good stuff up there because it was running 47 minutes.
[00:37:35] Speaker C: Just the song chopped his two hours down to 47 minutes.
[00:37:38] Speaker B: I take exception with the term special, okay? Because it was badly recorded, badly edited, home produced series of clips.
[00:37:50] Speaker A: I take issue with series of clips. It is one show.
It is, you know, maybe edited, but it's one show. It's not, you know, like a sizzle reel of highlights or anything like that.
[00:38:04] Speaker C: Anyway, it was shot at. What was the name of the place?
[00:38:06] Speaker A: Side splitter. Where is. Is that in Buffalo?
[00:38:08] Speaker C: It's in Tampa.
I looked it up and he's actually performing there again April 23rd. And tickets are a hundred dollars a piece.
[00:38:15] Speaker A: Holy shade.
[00:38:16] Speaker B: I looked up his touring sched. He basically performs in two places. Upstate New York. Florida.
[00:38:23] Speaker C: Yeah.
Yeah. That means he's a snowbird. He must be. You know, he lives in Florida. A lot of the time he's got it. I'm sure he's still got his house in Clarence, where I used to trespass.
[00:38:32] Speaker B: Burnt down. You didn't Google it?
[00:38:33] Speaker A: No way.
[00:38:34] Speaker C: Oh my God. Where do the kids drink their beers now?
[00:38:37] Speaker B: I don't know. It didn't mention a beer drinking maize. You said it had burnt down.
[00:38:42] Speaker C: I wonder if his house burned down or if the maze burned down.
[00:38:44] Speaker A: Did they mention the beer drinking maze?
[00:38:46] Speaker B: No, I don't. They just. It was just like one of those, you know, local TV interview.
[00:38:51] Speaker C: But did it say the maze burned or did they say his house burned? Cuz they were. They were very far apart.
[00:38:56] Speaker B: House. He showed the house.
[00:38:58] Speaker C: Okay, if the house burned, that was at the top of the hill. The maze was sunk into the ground. A good distance from the home.
[00:39:03] Speaker B: But, yeah, you're right. He's 81 now, so maybe.
[00:39:06] Speaker A: Holy Lord.
[00:39:07] Speaker B: Maybe he just performs where he. Yeah, where he's near.
[00:39:10] Speaker C: Right.
[00:39:11] Speaker A: You got to kind of piece things together. Like, the only way we knew where it took place is the waitresses T shirts.
[00:39:18] Speaker C: That's exactly how I found out.
[00:39:19] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:19] Speaker C: Right.
[00:39:19] Speaker B: No, no, it's on there.
[00:39:21] Speaker C: It is. Yeah, I read the back of the T shirt.
[00:39:23] Speaker B: Yeah, it's in the comments.
2006 side splitters.
That side split is, to me is one of those, like. It's like an Adam Croesus club, you know? Always used to go at penguins in. What was it? No, he would go Grand Rapid Penguins.
[00:39:44] Speaker A: Penguins in Cedar Rapids.
[00:39:45] Speaker B: Cedar Rapids.
[00:39:46] Speaker A: Cedar Rapids. Oh, he had penguins. He was always doing the Matt Anders impression.
Penguins.
[00:39:52] Speaker B: Bert Harson is Infinite wisdom.
[00:39:55] Speaker A: Decided not to book me.
[00:39:59] Speaker B: But side splitters, to me is one of those, like, famous American circuit clubs. Yeah. You know, coming to side splitters is blah, blah, blah.
[00:40:10] Speaker A: I didn't know it was in Tampa. Okay.
[00:40:12] Speaker C: Like the funny bone.
[00:40:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:40:13] Speaker C: Or something like that.
[00:40:14] Speaker B: Yeah, the bone.
[00:40:16] Speaker A: The funny bone. Yeah. What were you able to put a year on this? I think I figured it out, but only from a reference he made in the 2006. Okay, that's what I thought, because he said, Happy Feet's the number one movie.
[00:40:29] Speaker C: Right.
[00:40:29] Speaker A: And then he launches into a song about I don't remember, but sex with animals or something.
[00:40:35] Speaker C: Yeah. He's talking a lot about George Bush, too.
[00:40:38] Speaker A: Yep. George Bush was a moron, he said,
[00:40:41] Speaker B: which is weird because he was. As soon as I saw him, I thought, well, he's obviously a Trumper. And he'd done a song pro Trump song, but then later recanted saying, Trump is a fucking liar. And one of his other songs in
[00:40:58] Speaker C: 2006, though, I mean, he was Trump, wasn't. He was on the Apprentice.
[00:41:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:01] Speaker B: No, no, no. When I looked up his wiki. Oh, I saw, you know.
[00:41:05] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:41:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:06] Speaker B: What has subsequently happened?
Well,
[00:41:11] Speaker A: did you laugh when you watched this at any point? Did you laugh and be honest.
[00:41:17] Speaker C: Yes, I did. It was a. I knew. I had a feeling. I knew what I was in for. And then I was like, okay, but go into this with an open mind, you know?
And I had about two songs in, and I finally decided to have a puff of a marijuana cigarette.
[00:41:34] Speaker A: Oh, you did?
[00:41:35] Speaker C: I don't know. That's rare for you to take that. I never do that because I want to have a clear mind and a clear representation. But I could tell this Is going to require something to alleviate my spirit a little bit.
[00:41:47] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:41:47] Speaker C: So I had my puff, and then I did. I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'll get into it. And I did laugh. I'm like, this is just at the absurd. Absurdity of it, how stupid it is, you know? So I was laughing until it took quite the turn.
Song three or four.
I stopped laughing at that point.
[00:42:05] Speaker B: The races.
[00:42:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:06] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:42:07] Speaker A: Well. Holy.
[00:42:08] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, that was.
[00:42:10] Speaker A: But he kind of digs his way out by then, attacking every race on the planet.
[00:42:15] Speaker B: And what was the race.
What was the race of the waitress who was literally in the center of the camera shot while he's doing it?
[00:42:23] Speaker A: She did not seem to be enjoying.
[00:42:25] Speaker C: Yeah. And even when he attacked the other races, he still didn't say the worst word you could call any of those races.
[00:42:33] Speaker A: Well, we can't say that word anymore. Then he said.
[00:42:35] Speaker C: He just screams it out loud. He says, you know what? Fuck that. And that. At that point, I said, yeah, I don't think I can laugh at this anymore.
[00:42:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
Just for the record here, neither Christian Mark or I endorse this man or his comedy. We're just reviewing it. Yeah, we're just reviewing.
[00:42:55] Speaker C: I think it's important to point that out.
[00:42:56] Speaker A: Yes. We're not. Yeah, we're not fans.
[00:42:59] Speaker B: I don't endorse any of the comedy that we review.
[00:43:02] Speaker A: Yeah, we don't endorse any of it. They express opinions on this show.
[00:43:06] Speaker B: Science experiment.
[00:43:07] Speaker A: This is a science experiment. Sure.
I don't even want to say the name of the special. I cringe.
[00:43:14] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
The whole thing's just so stupid.
Yeah. What was it called?
[00:43:18] Speaker A: Coming to a face near you.
[00:43:19] Speaker C: No, coming on a face.
[00:43:20] Speaker B: Oh, Coming soon.
[00:43:22] Speaker A: Coming soon on a face near you.
[00:43:24] Speaker C: But he spelled coming with an o. He did, yeah. Which I thought was classy. That was classy. Yeah. He's a classy guy. You can tell by his suit.
[00:43:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
Well, I felt like I immediately erased this from my YouTube.
[00:43:39] Speaker C: Oh, I should do that because. Damn, my algorithm is gonna be fucked.
[00:43:44] Speaker A: Yeah. When I teach, I'll go into YouTube. I find different things in YouTube or whatever. I've movies bought there to show my students. I did not want this to appear in recent videos watched.
I even felt like this was gonna put me on some kind of list. Right. Like, it almost felt like watching some kind of, you know, illicit pornography or.
Yeah, it's like it was illegal to be watching this, you know, because it is so filthy. It is as filthy as anything you can Find out there.
[00:44:23] Speaker C: And it's comedy. It's so dumb in it.
Growing up in Buffalo, where this guy originated, and thinking back to every single one of my uncles or ex girlfriend's fathers that just love this guy, but I never watched anything he did because I knew what he did, you know, and I didn't need to see it.
But you. I'm glad I saw at least the 23 minutes of it that I did because it's like, yeah, that's exactly. Like these uncles and this, these ex girlfriends, fathers is like, yep, this is exactly who you like.
Now I like. It was affirming, you know, so he
[00:44:57] Speaker A: isn't the inspiration behind you becoming a musician and a piano player.
[00:45:01] Speaker C: I would not credit. I would not credit John Valby with any of my piano.
[00:45:06] Speaker A: At any point. Watching his act, did you have ideas for your own act? Did you think maybe I could work in some of these songs or something? Something maybe a little lighter and fair?
[00:45:15] Speaker C: No, I. That's just not my style. I. I was watching his piano playing and all that, and I. I don't do funny songs like that. It's just so corny.
[00:45:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:24] Speaker B: You didn't want to end on a Sound of Silence, but that was the weirdest song to go out on. Like, you know, this.
[00:45:30] Speaker C: I didn't make it that far famous.
[00:45:32] Speaker A: You didn't make it through all the way.
[00:45:33] Speaker C: I didn't. I didn't.
[00:45:34] Speaker B: He did a medley at the end and the final song he did Sound of Silence, which is like this gentlest, you know.
And now it's just a three minutes about jizz or whatever.
[00:45:49] Speaker C: Of course.
[00:45:54] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:45:55] Speaker B: You know, he's using like, you know, Beer Barrel Polka and.
[00:45:59] Speaker C: Right.
[00:45:59] Speaker B: Yeah, that makes sense.
And then, you know what is funny? And I think I might have mentioned this again.
This is just. He is. Valby is just the. The American franchise of an entire worldwide industry of dirty songsters.
So there's a guy in England called Chubby Brown who comes out and he just does. He's more of a comedian that does filthy songs as part of it. And then there's a guy in Australia called Kevin Bloody Wilson.
And what this brought me back to is one, one Christmas Day, my uncle turned up with a tape of Kevin Bloody Wilson songs. One of which is, I think I mentioned before, Santa Claus, you cunt, is the song.
[00:46:49] Speaker A: Yeah, you did.
[00:46:50] Speaker B: And then played it in front of the whole family.
Kids. Oh, my God, like 10 to whatever. My nana and granddad are in there. And he's like, this is hilarious.
And he's just playing this.
[00:47:05] Speaker C: Did everybody else agree that it was hilarious?
That it was hilarious, or was everybody else was kind of appalled.
[00:47:11] Speaker B: My dad probably said, turn this off.
[00:47:14] Speaker C: Yeah, okay.
[00:47:15] Speaker B: He hated swearing.
[00:47:16] Speaker C: I thought you meant that like everyone from age 10 to age 80 was like. Whereas in like.
[00:47:21] Speaker B: Oh yeah, they weren't all singing along. I think most people just averted their ears. While my uncle regaled the room with pure filth.
[00:47:31] Speaker A: I'm guessing he was hammered.
[00:47:33] Speaker B: No, no, he didn't drink. He was just love.
[00:47:37] Speaker C: It's even worse.
[00:47:38] Speaker B: It's just that uncle, one of the, he. He was like the cool uncle growing up.
[00:47:44] Speaker A: Sure sounds cool.
[00:47:46] Speaker B: You know, he would like. He showed us how to make pipe bombs and he had motorbikes that we could play on and all this. And then one of the funniest things that I have ever seen in it, it's appalling, is we were in a DIY store one time and this kid, 16 year old kid's pushing a broom, sweeping something up and my uncle just walks up to him, let's go with this major fart, you know, loud one. And then turns to the kid and goes, sweep that up, mate.
[00:48:18] Speaker C: What?
[00:48:20] Speaker A: This guy's amazing.
Can we get him on the show? Is he still around?
[00:48:24] Speaker B: You can't now because he's a major, major Trump supporter.
[00:48:29] Speaker A: Why, why would that stop us? We're equal opportunity here.
[00:48:33] Speaker B: We have not had pleasant words for a little while.
[00:48:38] Speaker A: He sounds amazing. How old is this guy now?
[00:48:41] Speaker B: I think he's must be 67, 68.
[00:48:45] Speaker A: He's not that. I mean, I'm thinking this guy's much older than you as a kid, but he's.
[00:48:49] Speaker B: He was like, he was kind of like a way. He was my dad's brother, but kind of quite a bit younger. So he was closer to our age.
[00:48:58] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:48:59] Speaker B: Thing to where he could be one of the guys.
[00:49:02] Speaker A: Your dad's younger brother. Yeah, amazing. He sounds awesome.
[00:49:06] Speaker B: But Kevin bloody Wilson was introduced to me by him.
[00:49:10] Speaker A: Well, maybe that's who, who you'll pick at the end of the show today, just to keep the piano theme going. From Galifianakis to John Valby to Kevin bloody Wilson. We'll see in a little bit.
[00:49:20] Speaker C: Kind of funny. Didn't you have a whole problem with the themes running into each other week to week?
[00:49:24] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:49:25] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:49:25] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:49:26] Speaker C: Just want to point that out.
Shine a little light.
[00:49:29] Speaker A: It'd be right to point that out. It'd be right to call me out on that. Well, in terms of. I don't know why, like as it started like, the. The first song. I. I'm writing down the titles of the songs, and then I'm trying to, like, transcribe some of the lyrics and stuff. And it's hard because he's. He's quick. He's boom, boom, boom, boom, right? They're coming fast and furious and, like, there's not a line that's not loaded with filth. Right. And so I. I did manage to catalog every single song and some lines in it. But then I thought, like, what's the point? You know? Like, why did I write all these down, right? Like, what was the point of it?
I took more notes than I took for any comedian we've ever watched here.
[00:50:12] Speaker C: I didn't even bring my pages. I only wrote down one thing, and I left it on my coffee table at home because I didn't have to bring it in. And it was just that John Valby simply figured out how to play the piano in Buffalo without being called gay.
[00:50:27] Speaker B: What?
[00:50:27] Speaker C: That's. That's basically what John Valby did. He's the only person that figured out how to play the piano in Buffalo without being called gay by using filth.
[00:50:36] Speaker A: Yes. Yeah.
[00:50:37] Speaker C: I guess other than that, if you were a piano player in Buffalo Dirt back then.
[00:50:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
Yeah. I didn't think about that. He's found a way to masculinize the piano. Right.
By just degrading women.
[00:50:55] Speaker C: Sexually degrading women.
[00:50:57] Speaker B: How many women do you think were in the audience?
[00:50:59] Speaker A: A lot. It seemed like.
[00:51:01] Speaker C: Yeah, that's the other. And they were cheering.
It's a different place.
[00:51:05] Speaker A: Buffalo.
[00:51:06] Speaker B: Well, Chubby Brown, but that was Tampa.
Chubby Brown has the same thing women love.
[00:51:12] Speaker C: It's a certain class of people, I think, that can really gravitate.
[00:51:14] Speaker A: Yeah. You think?
[00:51:15] Speaker C: You think? Yeah. In case, you guys, I. I need me to blow the lid off that.
[00:51:20] Speaker A: I. Thanks for enlightening us on that.
[00:51:24] Speaker C: I'm getting my. My psychology degree, so I kind of know what I'm talking about.
[00:51:29] Speaker A: Charles. It's paying off.
I. I just kept thinking about the. You know, like, one of my favorite types of comedy is when you get somebody who's just super offensive and with a crowd that is super uptight.
[00:51:42] Speaker C: Right.
[00:51:43] Speaker A: So you just imagine. You imagine this guy coming in and playing, like, some kind of, like, school event or something, and all the people are there watching, and he just singing these songs. Like, to me, that is so hilarious.
[00:51:55] Speaker C: Right.
[00:51:55] Speaker A: But he's shooting fish in a barrel. These people love him.
[00:51:57] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:51:58] Speaker B: Sending shots up to him on stage.
[00:52:00] Speaker A: Sending shots. He had a Lot of drinks. He was getting hammered. He had them all lined up by the end on the. On the keyboard.
And in terms of his piano, I'll say this from my. My brush with Valby, my personal brush with Valby, he did. He. Well, he didn't like me. He didn't like my act.
And when I opened form and I had a half an hour to perform, when I went out, they were yelling these things at me, right? Eat shit. So I didn't really. Oh, yeah, I didn't really. I. You know, like, I knew of him and I knew, like, what. What a kind of joke this thing was. And I knew the audience because I would park cars for his shows for some. For years, for summers. So when I got a chance to open for him, I expected a raucous crowd, but they were screaming all these things that they scream at him.
[00:52:49] Speaker C: Fuck you, you fucking bitch. Eat shit.
[00:52:52] Speaker A: Right? And I was like, they don't like me, these. These people.
[00:52:56] Speaker C: Well, that's mean, right?
[00:52:58] Speaker A: So they wouldn't even let me get my jokes out. Not that I had jokes, but, like, I'd start to, like, talk to like, fuck you.
You eat shit.
[00:53:05] Speaker B: How did you slide past the booker on this?
[00:53:08] Speaker A: So I knew the guy who ran the club and he knew that I was doing comedy and stuff. He's like, yeah, you want to come open for Valley?
[00:53:15] Speaker B: And he didn't even ask you what
[00:53:17] Speaker A: I was going to do? Yeah, no, he didn't care.
So I planned out this half hour and that's a. That was a long time for me at the time and at all these different things. And one of them was because of Valby is a tribute to Valby. I was going to sit at his piano and bang out. I don't play the piano, but I was going to bang the keys and. And sing some dirty stuff like him. And as soon as I went and sat at the piano, like in the.
[00:53:42] Speaker C: This is.
[00:53:43] Speaker A: In the middle of the act, someone from his team or whatever came and physically grabbed me and removed me. Like, you're not touching John's piano.
[00:53:51] Speaker C: Yeah, right.
[00:53:52] Speaker A: Like, get off of there. Right? And yes, I never got a chance to do my Valby tribute, but no, he didn't care for me. He said something to me offstage. It was like, you know, like you're. You know. I can't remember what it was. I repressed it, but it was not nice.
[00:54:08] Speaker B: There you go. I know a comedian called Bill.
[00:54:12] Speaker A: Yeah, he.
Could you do that. Could you do the. The thing where he. You take a name and I Mean, listen, you say what you want about Valby. That's a skill. He's got a skill there.
[00:54:23] Speaker B: I thought, well, 90% of it is names. He knows he's gonna.
[00:54:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:54:27] Speaker B: So that's. But he had some in the throne in there that you like. Okay. He couldn't have known that was coming.
[00:54:33] Speaker A: Yeah, right. Yeah. I think that's. That was pretty impressive for him to be able to take all those names and shit. That was 20 minutes of names of that song. Hey, Laddie, did you make it to that part?
[00:54:44] Speaker C: I think I might have.
How far into the quote unquote?
[00:54:49] Speaker B: I can tell you exactly the last quartile. 31 minutes and 22 seconds.
[00:54:53] Speaker C: No, I did not make it. I did not make it because that's
[00:54:55] Speaker B: where I took one of my breaks.
[00:54:56] Speaker C: You took a break?
[00:54:57] Speaker B: I watched this probably in nine segments.
[00:55:01] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:55:01] Speaker B: So I. I have to write one
[00:55:03] Speaker C: clip at a time.
[00:55:04] Speaker B: I have to write down when I break so I know where to get back to.
I couldn't do this in.
I thought I'd probably do it in two if probably about. You had nine breaks in it.
[00:55:16] Speaker A: It's like being showered with feces or whatever. It's like you can only take so much.
[00:55:21] Speaker C: I got 23 minutes and change in and said, okay, after your marijuana cigarette.
[00:55:26] Speaker A: What did you do after that?
[00:55:27] Speaker C: I made dinner.
[00:55:28] Speaker A: You just went and made dinner? You were getting hungry.
[00:55:32] Speaker C: Stomach's growling. I'm out of here.
[00:55:33] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:55:34] Speaker B: All right. Because that. That means.
So the break before that was at 20 minutes and 31 seconds.
That's when the crowd singing along Yahya or whatever it is.
[00:55:46] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:55:48] Speaker B: That went on forever.
[00:55:49] Speaker C: Yeah, that. I think that's why I turned it off, because.
[00:55:51] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, yeah.
[00:55:52] Speaker C: That was.
Yes.
[00:55:58] Speaker A: A line from Yaya that I liked is your sister's panties. Kept the flies off the horseshit.
Here's some other.
[00:56:08] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:56:09] Speaker A: Your mother's three blow jobs short of her next fix.
[00:56:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:56:14] Speaker C: Wow.
[00:56:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:56:15] Speaker C: Some burns.
[00:56:16] Speaker A: And then the Gang Bang is my favorite one. Right.
[00:56:19] Speaker B: That's very long.
[00:56:20] Speaker A: That's a classic, that. He's been doing that one forever. That's when I remember from a kid, we'd stand outside the thing and listen to him at the gang bang.
[00:56:27] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, right.
[00:56:28] Speaker B: And he says, wait, is that the one with the. Knock knock.
[00:56:30] Speaker A: Knock knock.
[00:56:31] Speaker B: How about this? Yeah.
[00:56:32] Speaker A: Knock knock Wilma. Wilma who? Wilma finger do until I get a boner.
[00:56:39] Speaker C: Wow.
[00:56:40] Speaker A: Yeah. How about Knock knock.
[00:56:43] Speaker C: Who's there?
[00:56:44] Speaker A: Arapahoe.
[00:56:46] Speaker C: Arapahoe who?
[00:56:48] Speaker A: I wrap a Hostess Twinkie around my so the fat broads will blow me.
These are not my words. These are the words of I do not. The Dr. John Valby.
[00:57:00] Speaker B: What do you. What do you think he got? His doctor?
[00:57:02] Speaker A: Yeah. I don't know.
[00:57:04] Speaker C: And being dirty.
[00:57:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Doctorate and smut Dr.
[00:57:07] Speaker C: Dirty.
[00:57:09] Speaker A: God.
[00:57:09] Speaker B: It wasn't in anatomy. He had some very questionable anatomy statements.
[00:57:17] Speaker A: Yeah, a lot of. He seems to know a lot about the human body, certainly the genitalia. He knows everything about it.
Oh, man.
Well, I did laugh a couple. I really did laugh a couple times. Like that Arapaho bit really got me.
My wife wasn't a fan.
She's like, when are you gonna turn this off?
[00:57:39] Speaker B: What? How many minutes in?
[00:57:42] Speaker A: What?
[00:57:42] Speaker B: Before Kate said he knocked?
[00:57:44] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:57:45] Speaker A: She says he keeps saying the same thing over and over.
It's like, yeah, that's his act. That's his act.
[00:57:52] Speaker C: All right.
[00:57:53] Speaker A: Well, I thought you would have appreciated. Well, we'll see. What you, what you think. I. I mean, yeah. Yeah. It'll be interesting to see the, the ratings here. What are we going to rate? What kind of. What's the rating scale?
[00:58:04] Speaker B: So many things.
[00:58:05] Speaker A: Right.
[00:58:05] Speaker C: There's lots of possibilities.
[00:58:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:58:08] Speaker B: What do you think of his dress? I thought he looked like he was an extra from Clockwork Orange. Yeah, he does.
[00:58:13] Speaker A: I didn't think about that, but he does. He. He actually looks like one of those droogs.
[00:58:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:58:18] Speaker A: In Clockwork Orange. I can't remember.
[00:58:20] Speaker C: He looks like he's going to sell me a bucket of chicken.
[00:58:22] Speaker A: Yeah. He's a sloppy looking guy.
[00:58:25] Speaker C: Right.
[00:58:26] Speaker A: He talks a lot about sex. I don't know how he got much sex.
[00:58:29] Speaker C: That's what I was thinking too, you know. Yeah. I mean, but you listen to who's in the crowd. I'm sure, you know, 10% of them will go for it.
[00:58:37] Speaker A: They might.
[00:58:37] Speaker B: How long has he been. He might have been a young chap when he started.
[00:58:40] Speaker C: I think I saw, when I was looking for this on YouTube, there was like the video next to it was him younger and I mean, obviously, you know, he's in better shape and maybe that's where he gets all his sexual experience.
[00:58:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:58:52] Speaker B: Oh, he was in a movie, you know, where they sort of draft someone into a movie. He was in a Tom Cruise movie very shortly.
Yeah.
[00:59:03] Speaker A: Singing these kind of songs.
[00:59:04] Speaker B: I'm not obviously singing those songs, I'm guessing, but he's definitely there.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
[00:59:14] Speaker A: I mean, he covers it all really. I mean, necrophilia, sex with food,
[00:59:22] Speaker C: all
[00:59:22] Speaker A: manner of ejaculation, losing it.
Oh, he was in losing It. Oh, yeah, you mentioned that. I think to me, losing it's about a kid's trying to lose their virginity. It came out right around the time of the Last American Virgin.
[00:59:36] Speaker B: Tom Cruise, Shelley Long. I mean, he was.
[00:59:38] Speaker A: Oh, I gotta watch that.
[00:59:39] Speaker B: He was rubbing shoulders. Jackie Earl Haley.
[00:59:42] Speaker C: Oh, he.
[00:59:42] Speaker A: He's great.
Yeah, that's Kelly Leek from Bad News Paris.
[00:59:47] Speaker B: Also the kid that gets stomped to death in Day of the Locust. That left me scarred for years.
[00:59:55] Speaker A: I didn't see Day of the Locust.
[01:00:00] Speaker C: All right,
[01:00:03] Speaker A: let's rate it. We could give it a. I don't even want to say these words.
[01:00:09] Speaker B: Just say bowler hats.
[01:00:11] Speaker A: Bowler hats. No, we need something better than that. How much do you think Dice was influenced by Valby? I mean, these. A lot of these are nursery rhyme type songs, right? You think Dice took some inspiration from the Doctor?
[01:00:24] Speaker B: Well, I want to bring up. I don't know if in England, comedy wise, before alternative comedy broke, there was an entire club circuit of just dirty mouth, misogynist, racist, working class comedians. Right?
[01:00:42] Speaker A: Before what?
[01:00:42] Speaker B: Before alternative comedy kind of blew everything away, right? Yeah, there was a circuit of comedians. Was that. Did that circuit exist in America? Just circuit, dirty, misogynist, racist, blue collar comedian.
I feel like the Rust Belt and the east coast would have had some sort of circuit like that.
[01:01:09] Speaker A: I don't know about a circuit. I think these. It did exist, obviously with guys like Valby and then later, you know, Valby beget, begets someone like Dice. But I don't. I don't think there was like a chitlin circuit or a Catskills type of environment for that. But maybe there was. I just wasn't privy to it, you know, if there was, I only knew about Valby. So.
Yeah, Valby makes you think that there was, but I don't know. I think Britain's a little bit, you know, gritty, more that grittier that way.
[01:01:39] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, we went to see a guy called Blaster Bates when I was a youth. Now he wasn't.
He was actually a demolition expert that retired and he was like.
[01:01:50] Speaker A: More like a Gallagher.
[01:01:52] Speaker B: No, no, no.
[01:01:53] Speaker A: You demolish it on stage.
[01:01:54] Speaker B: An actual demolition expert, like an actual knocking buildings down. And he, he was on this circuit and he just told anecdotes, like funny stories about things that had happened. It wasn't necessarily like filthy, but there was a circuit, an underground circuit of these guys that workingclass people knew, but they would never be on TV or anything.
[01:02:21] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't know.
[01:02:22] Speaker B: I don't Know, like, his val. Be part of that.
[01:02:26] Speaker A: I think Valby was singular in that sense.
[01:02:28] Speaker C: Right.
[01:02:29] Speaker A: Like, I think he. Yeah, I don't know of any others. Do you, Christian?
[01:02:31] Speaker C: No, nothing's coming to mind.
[01:02:33] Speaker A: No. Yeah, I think he cornered the market on it. Right. And maybe he took it from those. Maybe he was influenced by those people. Blaster Bates and one of the British.
[01:02:42] Speaker B: He didn't even know about that.
[01:02:43] Speaker A: No, I know.
And then it. But it doesn't really go on after him. I mean, who are other really filthy comics? I mean, nobody's like him. Like Valby, but like Dice, obviously, but who else?
[01:02:58] Speaker B: When I used to collect record vinyl, there was a whole genre of records where it's filthy comedy and especially filthy songs, and they were recorded anonymously and kind of passed around as party records. So it must have existed.
[01:03:17] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm sure it did. There's an underground underbelly for it, you know?
All right, well, so much. We could go through so many. But let's just get to the.
Get to the reviews and let's. I don't know, bowler hats. What about gang. We could say gang bangs.
Yayas. How many yayas do you give it? Since that was the one where you stepped off the train after the Yayas.
[01:03:44] Speaker C: Yeah, right.
[01:03:47] Speaker A: Yeah. What do you wrap a hose? We'll give it.
How many yayas for John Valby?
[01:03:54] Speaker B: Get your yayas out, Christian.
[01:03:58] Speaker C: Oh, I. I give it zero Rolling Stones album. Yeah, I give it zero Yaya.
[01:04:02] Speaker A: You're giving it a zero.
[01:04:03] Speaker C: This guy, he just reminds me of every dumb. I knew back in Buffalo. I couldn't stand him.
[01:04:08] Speaker A: It's just.
[01:04:09] Speaker C: It was awful.
[01:04:10] Speaker A: Am I getting a new certificate?
[01:04:12] Speaker C: I would have printed you a new certificate, but I found out that this print. It doesn't work for us. We work for it. Do you know this.
Okay, this printer here, if you. It keeps track of how much ink you use and it auto. And you have to sign up for a subscription, so that will. It will automatically buy you more ink. So if you use more ink than you have subscribed for, it'll charge you extra.
So I'm not fucking with this printer anymore.
[01:04:37] Speaker B: Yeah, I voted against it, but I was voted down.
[01:04:41] Speaker C: Yeah, I just. I just found that out and I can't. It's just one more thing.
[01:04:44] Speaker A: It's.
[01:04:44] Speaker C: It's just unbelievable.
[01:04:45] Speaker B: If you send the file to me, I'll print it at home.
[01:04:48] Speaker C: So this.
[01:04:49] Speaker A: This trumps Leanne Morgan. This is. This is worse than Leanne Morgan. But you laughed. You said you did.
[01:04:56] Speaker C: Yeah, but Then because of the marijuana cigarette he took.
Yeah, I think it was because of the marijuana cigarette and me making an active decision to keep an open mind because I knew how bad it was going to be. But then he just. No, he put that nose into the ground so hard right after that.
It was. There was no coming back from it.
[01:05:14] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:05:16] Speaker C: And then by, like, the third song, I fucking hated him. I couldn't really. Oh, my God. I was like, if I. I can't listen to this anymore.
[01:05:22] Speaker A: Okay. He's giving it a.000 out of 4 yayas.
That's.
And worse than Leanne Morgan.
[01:05:33] Speaker C: Yeah. I didn't think. Wow. I don't think anybody could be worse than Liam Morgan, but.
[01:05:37] Speaker A: Wow. I don't want to be the guy that keeps showing you the worst comedy specials of all time.
[01:05:40] Speaker C: I don't want you to either.
[01:05:41] Speaker A: All right. All right. Makes two of us, Mark.
He gave it zero.
[01:05:47] Speaker B: I'm gonna give it one. And let me explain why.
Obviously, I don't want to be seen to.
[01:05:54] Speaker A: You don't want to be associated with John Valby?
[01:05:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:05:57] Speaker A: Would you have him at the lodge for one night?
[01:05:59] Speaker B: Probably not.
[01:06:01] Speaker A: You think that he would upset the cast?
[01:06:02] Speaker B: I think. I think it would raise.
[01:06:05] Speaker A: It'd be fun to try and get him in here.
[01:06:07] Speaker B: It would raise some eyebrows. The only reason I'm doing it is because. Because he clearly serves.
People are sending him shots. People are there, you know, and. And ultimately, as. As awful as the community is that the Christian is saying he is sort of serving a purpose there.
I don't even want to go into whether he truly. You know, he's clearly all over the place, because when he said George Bush is a moron, a big chair went up from the audience. Yeah. So I don't know if the audience is just so drunk at that point, they'll cheer anything. I don't know. But I'm just gonna give him one.
What did we say? Yeah. Yes. Just because he's has a purpose. As far as I can see, he serves a purpose.
[01:07:01] Speaker A: He serves a niche market out there.
Okay, so we got a zero and a one.
I chose John.
About John, Like, I know him personally. I chose John.
[01:07:15] Speaker B: Or did John choose you?
[01:07:16] Speaker A: John chose me. I was just exposed to him as a kid, kind of like Christian.
Not necessarily in the same way. And obviously I have, you know, had the pleasure of opening for him, and so.
But I never really sat through his act like this. 47 minutes of John Valby songs. And like, you guys at the beginning, I was like, oh, My God, this is awful, right? It's so graphic and filthy. Filthy. And I don't. You know, I'm.
I'm no choir boy, we'll say that, but it was. Yeah. Disgustingly filthy. But I found as the show went on, I was enjoying it more for what it is.
And that's maybe kind of what you're saying.
It serves a purpose. It is. And like you said, Christian, it is absurd. It's absurdist to me. I don't know that it's absurdist to all the people in the room. They like the misogyny. They like the. I mean, it is very misogynistic.
But the women seem to like it. He would call them bitches, right? Like, bitch, get me a drink.
Right? You fucking bitch. Right? Just like. And they would love it.
They'd hop up and, you know, come to the. Give them a drink and everything and call them a bitch.
That I don't get. But I did laugh. I did laugh a couple times pretty hard.
How creatively filthy it is. Creatively filthy.
[01:08:46] Speaker B: He.
[01:08:48] Speaker A: He rolls over every stone.
[01:08:51] Speaker B: Did it remind you of being back at school as a schoolboy and just making up filthy words for hymns and what they'd make you sing in school assembly?
[01:09:00] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
[01:09:03] Speaker C: Right.
[01:09:04] Speaker A: It made me feel like a boy again.
[01:09:06] Speaker C: Right.
[01:09:07] Speaker A: And so it transported me in that way, and I appreciate it for that.
Yeah. So I'm gonna give it.
Out of four.
I'm gonna give it one and a half, you know, just to, like, Price is Right. I'm gonna bid $1 more than you on it.
Just, you know, because that's like three
[01:09:33] Speaker C: yahs, really, when you think about it.
[01:09:35] Speaker A: Three yahs. How's it three?
[01:09:36] Speaker C: Because it's one out of four yayas. So you got one yaya and then a half a yaya, which is a ya. So you got three yeahs.
[01:09:43] Speaker A: Three. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:09:44] Speaker C: Three.
[01:09:46] Speaker B: So are we pushing him? Is he now going head to head with Leon Rogers for the worst ever?
[01:09:53] Speaker A: Leanne Rogers.
[01:09:54] Speaker C: Morgan.
[01:09:55] Speaker A: No, we had somebody else that was up against him, too.
[01:09:58] Speaker C: Yeah. Recently.
[01:09:59] Speaker A: Who was that?
No, I don't think he's. No, we all had Goldstein as the.
[01:10:04] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:10:05] Speaker B: Oh, Goldstein. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
[01:10:07] Speaker A: He just gave this as the worst comedy special he's ever seen.
[01:10:10] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:10:10] Speaker B: So Goldstein was the worst. Right? Is. Are we putting him against Goldstein for the hell.
[01:10:16] Speaker C: This is the worst I've ever seen in my life. You.
[01:10:18] Speaker A: He would put him below Goldstein.
[01:10:19] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:10:20] Speaker A: Wow.
[01:10:20] Speaker C: I'd rather watch Goldstein do more jokes and watch one more John Volvi.
[01:10:24] Speaker A: Song, I think, because of the piano. Right. Like, I think he's soiling the piano. Probably an instrument you hold in high regard.
[01:10:31] Speaker C: Maybe that. That could. That could partially be it. I don't like that. Yeah, well, he's. He's a decent piano player, you know. Is he. I'll give him that.
[01:10:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:10:38] Speaker C: I mean, the style he's playing is like, if you can. If you could play one song that way, you can do a bunch of them that way. It's the same patterns over and over again. But, no, actually, the fact that he's playing the piano doesn't really bother me. I just don't like him.
I don't like. I don't. You know what? It's really. It's the crowd that likes him. That's what gets me that, like you said, it transports you back to childhood. Same thing every minute. All those people that I just couldn't stand, the whole reason I moved.
[01:11:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:11:05] Speaker C: You know, this guy just encompasses all that, encapsulates it.
[01:11:10] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I get you. I get you.
All right, well, the rule is, if somebody introduces you to a comedian that's the worst you've ever seen, then you got to give them an award like that or certificate.
All right, so a total of 01 and 1 and a half for Dr. Dirty John Valby Special coming soon on a face near you. Sorry, guys. I didn't. I didn't want to hurt you with this one, but, you know, I felt like.
I felt like it needed to be.
Needed to be seen. We can put him back in his box, never to be spoken of again.
[01:11:50] Speaker C: Like I said, though, I'm glad. I know that I was right about what he was.
[01:11:53] Speaker A: Yeah. You had never sat through it, right?
[01:11:54] Speaker C: No.
[01:11:55] Speaker A: Okay, so now you know.
[01:11:56] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:11:56] Speaker A: Your neighbor.
[01:11:57] Speaker C: I only met him at a restaurant.
[01:11:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:11:59] Speaker C: Was he.
[01:11:59] Speaker A: Was he affable?
[01:12:01] Speaker C: Yeah, he was great. I was his. I was a server, and he was ordering me shots of tequila.
[01:12:05] Speaker A: Yeah, he was. He was really drinking hard.
[01:12:07] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:12:08] Speaker B: 20. So he would have been 61 when that was filmed. So he's putting away for a 61.
[01:12:14] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:12:15] Speaker A: Not bad. All right, Marcus, next week we'll be watching more specials, assuming you'll still be on the program. No, it's.
[01:12:20] Speaker C: You know, it's your turn.
[01:12:22] Speaker A: We're going counterclock. We're going clockwise here.
[01:12:24] Speaker C: Oh, I did last week with Zach Galifianakis.
[01:12:27] Speaker A: You're not ready.
You must have something in the Q.
Why don't you go with give me.
[01:12:33] Speaker B: I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'M gonna.
[01:12:34] Speaker A: You'll edit this.
[01:12:35] Speaker C: You want me to hit pause?
[01:12:36] Speaker B: No, no, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna shake and shake the boat or whatever you say it is here.
Several times.
[01:12:44] Speaker A: Shake the tree.
[01:12:45] Speaker B: Shake the tree several times.
[01:12:48] Speaker A: Well, you had three last time in
[01:12:50] Speaker B: the last week or so.
[01:12:53] Speaker C: The roast of Tom Brady.
[01:12:55] Speaker A: He wants the three hour roast of Tom Brady.
[01:12:58] Speaker B: No.
All right.
Come on, you goddamn phone.
[01:13:07] Speaker A: I wish I could remember the.
The song. Like I. I have all the songs written down, but I can't remember the beats of the song. They're very cute.
[01:13:14] Speaker C: There's a. Like a John Velvet cover band. You know, like a cover system artist. Yeah. Somebody out there. I mean, why not?
[01:13:20] Speaker A: You know, could somebody do. Could somebody do this act today?
[01:13:24] Speaker C: Anybody with it?
[01:13:25] Speaker A: I know they could, but, like, would they. This would clear a room.
[01:13:29] Speaker C: $100 a ticket in Tampa, April 23rd.
[01:13:32] Speaker A: Wow. Can we.
[01:13:33] Speaker C: There's places in the U.S. we certainly do this show.
[01:13:36] Speaker A: Christian doesn't want to go, but can we put that on the Lincoln Lodge?
[01:13:40] Speaker B: All right. This is provisional because I am going to check it when we get home. So, listeners, this may change, but I'm going to go with Josie Long.
He's a British comedian.
The special is. Is on YouTube and it's called Cara Josephine.
[01:14:00] Speaker A: Josie Long. Never heard of her, Christian.
[01:14:03] Speaker C: Nope.
[01:14:04] Speaker A: Cara Josephine.
[01:14:06] Speaker B: But I'm gonna confirm that. Okay.
[01:14:09] Speaker A: To be confirmed.
[01:14:10] Speaker C: Keep an eye on the text thread. Yeah.
[01:14:12] Speaker A: Come on, Threadless. Can we get. Can we get you back in that? No iPhone. It's not gonna happen.
Come on, man.
[01:14:20] Speaker C: And you know what? You could. You would be able to text the group chat, and I would get them. If Mark didn't have an Android, I would get it on my iPhone when it has wi fi.
So I'm not the problem.
[01:14:31] Speaker A: See, this is not easier for you to toggle between two devices. It's not.
[01:14:36] Speaker C: I don't. I don't. I explained this to you already. I. I only use the flip phone.
[01:14:40] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[01:14:40] Speaker B: Back on the phone.
[01:14:41] Speaker C: Yeah. It really bothers Bill.
[01:14:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:14:44] Speaker A: I don't like it.
It's interrupting our communication.
These things were meant to make us communicate more. It's making us communicate less.
[01:14:53] Speaker C: That's okay.
[01:14:55] Speaker A: Maybe that's that Clockwork.
[01:14:59] Speaker B: Yeah, it does.
[01:14:59] Speaker C: Orange.
[01:15:02] Speaker A: All right, friends, this has been another episode of Isn't that Special.
