Review: Confirmed Kills, Iliza Shlesinger

[00:00:08] Speaker A: Formal meal, maybe when we go. Where are we going? [00:00:11] Speaker B: We're going to Milwaukee. [00:00:12] Speaker A: We're going to Milwaukee. [00:00:13] Speaker B: We're going to see Jeff Dunham. [00:00:14] Speaker A: Seeing Jeff Dunham. Staying at the Jury Inn. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Was it. If I'm. Was it December 31st? Was it new Year's Eve? Is that a New Year's Eve? Oh, I can't wait. [00:00:25] Speaker A: I have to talk to my missus about that. Can we bring. Can we bring plus ones? Gary? [00:00:30] Speaker C: Why are you asking me? I said because you're paying. I said nah. [00:00:32] Speaker B: Yeah, it's on your dime. [00:00:33] Speaker C: I said. [00:00:35] Speaker B: You said no. I don't remember. [00:00:36] Speaker A: You said. [00:00:36] Speaker C: I said a short, simple no. [00:00:38] Speaker A: I don't see that. [00:00:40] Speaker B: I don't think it went through. [00:00:41] Speaker C: It's probably stuck in my draft then. [00:00:45] Speaker B: It's a draft. [00:00:48] Speaker C: Yeah, I had to draft. Think about it. [00:00:51] Speaker B: You might need to rewrite. No. [00:00:53] Speaker C: Yeah. Oh, I don't want to rush into the word no. Let me just have a think about the ins and outs of it. [00:01:01] Speaker B: No. [00:01:04] Speaker A: Well, I imagine you can write a lot of stuff off here. Maybe this isn't the. The venue for talking about what you write off for this business. [00:01:10] Speaker C: But right off, the only thing this business ever has written off is my hopes and dreams. [00:01:22] Speaker A: My wife and I were having a shout out to my wife, by the way, who just want to say hello to her. If she's out there, I know she's out there listening. [00:01:28] Speaker C: You got to cozy up to our one listener. Right? [00:01:30] Speaker A: Well, we celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary. Hey, thank you. [00:01:35] Speaker B: Congratulations. [00:01:36] Speaker A: Got any sound effects? You need sound effects and drops over there. Can we get that for him? Can we? [00:01:42] Speaker C: No. [00:01:42] Speaker B: I could probably get one on my phone. [00:01:43] Speaker C: Not to pistol on your chips with my 28th togetherness anniversary. Common law Friday. Yeah. [00:01:49] Speaker A: Are you. [00:01:50] Speaker B: Oh, but it hasn't happened yet. [00:01:52] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:01:52] Speaker A: Yeah. It's a long way to go. [00:01:55] Speaker C: Can we make it through to Friday? [00:01:57] Speaker A: Because you're. Because you're an illegal alien. [00:02:00] Speaker B: Is it. [00:02:01] Speaker A: Are you still seen as a common law marriage in this country? [00:02:05] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:02:06] Speaker A: I think you're common law. Well, it's supposed to be if you've lived together under the same roof. Kind of like a whorehouse, Right. If so many women live under the same roof, it's considered a whorehouse. I don't know. [00:02:17] Speaker B: Is that. That's illegal. [00:02:18] Speaker A: Brothel is the term, not whorehouse. But if you live under the same roof with a gal for 10 years or anyone, I guess it's not just a gal. You're considered common law. Married. [00:02:31] Speaker B: You're married. [00:02:31] Speaker A: Did you know that 28 years married. You've been living together for 28 years? [00:02:35] Speaker C: No, living together for about 18, I would say. [00:02:38] Speaker B: Hey, you're coming up on your 8th. [00:02:42] Speaker A: What are you gonna do to celebrate? [00:02:43] Speaker B: Anniversary? [00:02:45] Speaker C: We're going to see. We're doing the John Lennon birthday party at Martyrs. [00:02:50] Speaker A: Oh, they do like some. Some bloke comes out and sings Lennon songs. [00:02:54] Speaker C: Yep. [00:02:57] Speaker A: English fella, I imagine. [00:02:58] Speaker C: No, no, Yank. [00:03:01] Speaker A: A yank. Oh, that sounds awful. [00:03:05] Speaker C: Yeah. And then we were looking at theater and stuff, but not getting a lot get. Not getting far with theater options in Chicago right now. [00:03:14] Speaker A: Well, since you're such a Beatles fan, the Yoko Ono retrospective opens on next week at the mca. Some of her art will be on display. Yoko. Oh, no. Are you familiar with her? [00:03:27] Speaker C: Not at the ymca. At the mca. [00:03:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Not at the ymca. [00:03:30] Speaker C: It's fun to stay at the mca. [00:03:36] Speaker B: I need a sound effect for that. [00:03:39] Speaker A: We don't get him singing much. Good mood today. Yeah. So I want to say happy anniversary to my wife out there. And once again, I'm not going to be drawn in here by you guys. And maybe this viz is a bad starting point. Any locker room talk? Because you get me into the locker room talk and that leads me down a. [00:04:00] Speaker C: Well, we are a troubled marital road. Locker room, I would think. Okay. [00:04:06] Speaker A: Yeah, all right. I know we're going to do the viz, but I thought of a new game today for us to play at some point. It's more a game for you and I, Christian. [00:04:16] Speaker B: Okay. [00:04:18] Speaker A: It's called what can Mark Afford? And we throw out different things, kind of like the prices, right? Who shout out to Adam Croesus and his bride. Not bride, his gal. Who were on the Price is Right last week. Did you see it? We sit here and I'll say, okay, can Mark afford this? And I'll say, something like dinner at the Olive Garden. And you'll say, yes or no, I can afford it. And then Mark will say whether he can afford that or not. [00:04:47] Speaker B: Whether I'm right or not. [00:04:48] Speaker A: Yes. Because he's coming up on the show about you saying you can't afford certain things. [00:04:54] Speaker B: I like it. [00:04:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:55] Speaker B: Yeah, let's play. [00:04:56] Speaker A: All right, let's play right now. And then we'll do your biz. [00:04:59] Speaker C: I'll take the glasses off then because they're sending me bug eyed. [00:05:03] Speaker A: Okay, first one. I don't have any prepared here. Arnold sheet. I didn't know we were gonna do this, but I'm, you know, improviser. Did the A class at Second City. Okay. Brand new Nike sneakers. [00:05:21] Speaker B: Brand new Nike sneakers. Afford. Financially, yes. Mentally, no. [00:05:31] Speaker A: Mark, can you afford brand new Nike sneakers? I didn't put a price on them. [00:05:36] Speaker C: Well, it's the question, can I afford them or would I buy them and what would I buy in its place? I don't buy Nike. I like old school skateboardy type things. [00:05:51] Speaker A: Okay, so new sneakers, I should just say, I shouldn't get specific. New sneakers. [00:05:54] Speaker C: I. [00:05:54] Speaker B: Can you afford them? [00:05:55] Speaker C: I have bought them. [00:05:56] Speaker A: You've bought new sneakers recently? [00:05:59] Speaker C: Maybe 10 years ago. That's a no. [00:06:02] Speaker A: No. [00:06:03] Speaker C: What happens now is my English friends keep buying me new stuff. They bought me these Adidas, three stripes. [00:06:11] Speaker A: Those are very old. They look like they've been marinated. Well, like a line cook. [00:06:18] Speaker C: I got some others, but they're, you know, when you put your shoes on, you're like, ah, these are not quite right. Yeah, I gotta break them in. Mind you, they bought me these. I didn't wear these for three years. [00:06:29] Speaker A: They just sat in the box. [00:06:30] Speaker C: Brand new. [00:06:30] Speaker A: Yeah, because you hadn't worn out the previous pair enough. [00:06:33] Speaker B: Yeah, okay, I've done, I've done that exact thing. I've got a closet with some Adidas just like. And like that I wore years ago. And then I put them away because let's say I bought some new ones. I was like, okay, these are the ones for this season. But then those ones will get worn out and I'll just kind of cycle through and they still, they hold up. Adidas, quality stuff. [00:06:52] Speaker A: I prefer Adidas. Yeah, I got the Rod Laver. [00:06:56] Speaker B: It's a very heavy shoe. [00:06:57] Speaker A: I don't know how Rod Laver played tennis in these things. And things weigh like five pounds each. Okay, next thing, Mark's anniversary is coming up. 28th anniversary. Can he afford a night at a downtown hotel for Heather to have a shag a thon? [00:07:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I think so. Especially if you go on Priceline, you get one of those like last minute deals, you know. Not saying that he can't afford the full price one, but that is the way if it were to go down, something like that is how predict it to go. [00:07:33] Speaker A: I'm gonna say no, he can't afford such an extravagance. [00:07:37] Speaker C: I can and I have done. [00:07:39] Speaker A: Really. [00:07:40] Speaker C: I don't have problems spending money on other people. Just me. [00:07:44] Speaker A: Okay. [00:07:45] Speaker B: Another layer is removed. [00:07:46] Speaker A: And for my next witch, you have one. You want to ask me about what Mark can afford? [00:07:53] Speaker B: No. [00:07:54] Speaker A: Okay, Ken, because this one comes up a lot. All right, when we talk about how we're watching these specials, today's Special was on Netflix. We know from previous episodes. Mark cannot afford Netflix or. No, he has Netflix, but he can't afford something else. [00:08:12] Speaker B: Amazon Prime. [00:08:13] Speaker A: Amazon Prime. He cannot afford. We know that. Can Mark afford Brit Box, the British streaming bullshit? [00:08:25] Speaker B: Can and does. [00:08:26] Speaker A: Can and does, yes. [00:08:28] Speaker C: Inside Information. Walked into that one. [00:08:33] Speaker A: All right, last one, then we'll do this. Can Mark afford to go to the movies? [00:08:39] Speaker B: Yes. [00:08:39] Speaker A: In a movie theater? [00:08:40] Speaker B: Yes. But I think it's gonna be a matinee. [00:08:42] Speaker A: It's gonna be a matinee, Right? He will not go to. He will not spend money at a movie theater. Correct. [00:08:48] Speaker C: I do. [00:08:49] Speaker A: You do go to the movies. [00:08:50] Speaker C: In fact, I yearn for the days where I used to go all the time. Guilt free. Just fuck it, I'm going to see Ferris Bueller's Dale. I went to see the Anderson one on my own on Sunday. [00:09:03] Speaker A: Do you like it? Come on, it was great. [00:09:05] Speaker B: Everybody likes it. [00:09:06] Speaker C: Great. Until the end. The end was weak. [00:09:10] Speaker B: What's the Anderson? [00:09:11] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. We're just talking about. We don't want to, you know. The P.T. anderson. [00:09:15] Speaker C: P.T. [00:09:16] Speaker A: Not Wesley, not P.T. barnum. P.T. anderson. [00:09:21] Speaker C: Was it a series of battles? [00:09:22] Speaker A: One battle after another? [00:09:24] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:09:24] Speaker B: Oh, I've seen a trailer for that. Yes. [00:09:27] Speaker C: Yeah, it is. At some points I was thinking, is. Is he. Is he, like, just copying Quentin Tarantino at this point? [00:09:34] Speaker A: It does feel a little. That one did feel like a Once Upon a Time in Hollywoodish. [00:09:38] Speaker C: Yes. [00:09:38] Speaker A: Yeah, I kept feeling that in there. I don't know why, but that's not. [00:09:42] Speaker B: With Matt Damon, is it? What's the Matt Damon movie? [00:09:45] Speaker C: Well, they're both Leonard Leonardo. [00:09:47] Speaker A: There is a Damon movie. [00:09:48] Speaker B: Oh, is it Leonardo DiCaprio? I'm thinking of, Is he in a movie that everybody's talking about where he plays somebody's father? [00:09:53] Speaker A: Yes. [00:09:53] Speaker C: Yep. [00:09:54] Speaker B: What movie is that? [00:09:55] Speaker A: One Battle After Another. [00:09:56] Speaker B: Oh, that's that one. I've heard rave reviews. [00:09:59] Speaker A: It's great. It's great. Don't listen to him. It's great. [00:10:01] Speaker C: No, I didn't say it wasn't great. Pulled me along. Pulled me along. The ending was obviously a disappointment. [00:10:10] Speaker A: You always find something, though, right? I feel like. [00:10:13] Speaker C: No, I felt like it was going to end in Leo's death or just something cataclysmic. I mean, here's the deal, right? Not to give any spoilers to our. [00:10:27] Speaker A: Several listeners, but Bill began out there listening. [00:10:32] Speaker C: They've been construction. [00:10:35] Speaker A: If you need a home remodel, don't get any spot. Or you need a new backsplash. [00:10:39] Speaker C: Oh, you're Gonna go see it. [00:10:40] Speaker B: I'm gonna go. [00:10:41] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:10:41] Speaker A: That's what I'm saying. Don't say anything. [00:10:42] Speaker C: Okay, I won't. I didn't even think. [00:10:45] Speaker A: I'm in the middle of an ad. If you need a new home remodel done or a backsplash put in, begin construction is there for all your needs. Go to www.begainconstruction.com. that's for Bill. Tell them Bill sent you. [00:11:00] Speaker C: What's a backsplash? [00:11:02] Speaker A: A backsplash. Backsplashes, you know, in your kitchen. [00:11:06] Speaker B: Are you being serious? [00:11:07] Speaker C: Yeah. No, I'm joking. I was made to put a backsplash in. [00:11:11] Speaker A: I just saw it. [00:11:11] Speaker C: With your mind. [00:11:12] Speaker B: I thought you were asking because when Bill walked in today and you were messing around under the sink, he said, oh, yeah. Messing with that U pipe. [00:11:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:20] Speaker B: I've replaced plumb before. [00:11:21] Speaker A: Plumber rinse plumbing. I'm somewhat handy. All right. [00:11:27] Speaker C: I remember you being proud you'd installed an ass rinser on the side of your. [00:11:31] Speaker A: That was years ago when we had bath. Yeah. Want to. I want to. Do you have a bidet? [00:11:36] Speaker B: No. [00:11:36] Speaker A: You seem like a bidet. [00:11:37] Speaker B: No. Fuck, no. I had a roommate once that bought one of those that you can put. I thought that was the most disgusting thing. You're gonna touch that you're gonna see. [00:11:46] Speaker A: The people would say that's the most cleanest thing if it was your own. [00:11:51] Speaker B: If you live with other people. I'm not touching that knob. [00:11:55] Speaker A: The knob that. Well, there is no knob. [00:11:57] Speaker B: There's a knob on at least this one. There's like a knob that you turn the thing on. [00:12:02] Speaker C: Huh. Well, at least, you know, they've not wiped their own sweaty ass before they touch it. [00:12:08] Speaker B: I don't know that. [00:12:09] Speaker C: Yeah, my auntie, who had to basically raise three, my three cousins almost basically in poverty, had a B day. Like, what the. [00:12:20] Speaker A: She was in poverty but had a. [00:12:22] Speaker C: But had a bidet. [00:12:23] Speaker A: Is it pronounced B day? [00:12:24] Speaker C: And, yeah, I call it B day. [00:12:26] Speaker A: We never had a B day, but we had one of those jacuzzi tubs. [00:12:31] Speaker C: Have you still got your ass rinser, though? [00:12:33] Speaker A: No, I took that. That was to clean cloth diapers. I just spray off the cloth diapers. When my. We tried to do cloth diapers for our kids because we were being like. [00:12:40] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, very eco. All the hip pair, and it lasts about three weeks. [00:12:46] Speaker A: They get horrible rashes from them. [00:12:48] Speaker B: Oh, really? [00:12:49] Speaker A: Huge pain in the ass. And they're all brown every. You don't want to put a brown diaper on Your hair. [00:12:53] Speaker C: Do you have shit under your fingernails at all times? [00:12:56] Speaker A: It didn't last long. [00:12:57] Speaker C: Yeah, I love it. I love it when like an eco right on family are like, yeah, we're gonna do old school nappies, terry cloth and. And then next time you see them, Costco, 300 bucks. [00:13:11] Speaker A: Yeah. No, it's not good. Not good for any. Well, it's good for the earth, but. [00:13:15] Speaker C: I thought you were gonna like, spray the kids asses with it. [00:13:19] Speaker A: We might have done something down. Yeah, I don't remember that, but we had some, you know, sexual play with it. As you can imagine. I never had a bidet, but I used to get in the jacuzzi and. And turn sideways and have the jets shoot into my genital suit. [00:13:38] Speaker B: Yeah, those things, we all did that. [00:13:40] Speaker A: Right? A feeling. [00:13:41] Speaker C: It's a rite of passage. They're revolting. [00:13:45] Speaker A: Very hard to keep clean. Very hard. [00:13:48] Speaker C: All right, Viz master, what is the. The JZ oil ring piece? [00:13:54] Speaker A: My ring. Both very difficult to keep clean. [00:13:57] Speaker C: All right. [00:13:57] Speaker A: Especially my ring piece. Using that one. [00:14:01] Speaker C: All righty. So I feel like this is lost. It's lost a bit of shine in the last couple of weeks. I really did put effort into picking better things. [00:14:11] Speaker A: I did you? I didn't get much of a response from Christian when I texted you guys that over the weekend my wife was gone. [00:14:17] Speaker B: I was working. Yeah. I couldn't really engage. [00:14:20] Speaker A: And she'd gone to a wedding and so I was home alone and I was going to posh box. [00:14:24] Speaker C: All right. [00:14:25] Speaker A: But. But I. But it was so humid out that I had to peel the post it note first. You didn't even respond. [00:14:33] Speaker B: I think of. I think of peeling the post it note every day now. [00:14:36] Speaker A: You do ever healing it. Yeah, well, the weather's changed, so you might not have to. [00:14:39] Speaker B: It doesn't matter. [00:14:41] Speaker C: I put the phone down for long periods of time. [00:14:45] Speaker B: Why was it called posh basking? [00:14:47] Speaker A: I remember. [00:14:50] Speaker C: Knocking. Because if you're posh, right. [00:14:52] Speaker A: You're rich. [00:14:53] Speaker C: No, no, it's an English language thing. Right. If you're posh, you refer to yourself as one. All one goes to the bathroom. One does this. Right. [00:15:02] Speaker B: Okay. [00:15:03] Speaker C: So posh boxing comes from knocking one out. Knocking one who is always knocking one out. [00:15:10] Speaker B: Who is the one in that right. [00:15:12] Speaker A: One. [00:15:12] Speaker B: Yeah, I get it. [00:15:13] Speaker C: The one that's. That's the. The syntactic genius of the term. [00:15:19] Speaker A: That's clever one. The one would be the seminal fluid. [00:15:22] Speaker C: Yes, well, knocking one out is having a wank. Yes, but if a posh person was to describe a boxer they might say, oh, he's always knocking one out. Yeah. [00:15:35] Speaker A: It just means beating off. [00:15:37] Speaker C: Don't think too much about it. Yeah. Overthinking. All right, I'm gonna. This is. This is the comeback week. It's been a slack shitty two weeks for profanosaurus, and I think we need to get back. So I've really. [00:15:49] Speaker A: If this tanks, it's out. [00:15:50] Speaker C: Yeah, we. Yeah. If this play. If we can't. If we can't revive this, it's done. All right, so we'll start with Bill. Out of tradition. What is a nam. What is a toilet Cuckoo? [00:16:06] Speaker A: A toilet cuckoo? [00:16:08] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:16:09] Speaker A: Please spell cuckoo for me. [00:16:11] Speaker C: Cuckoo. C U C O, C U C, K O. Toilet Cuckoo. As in the bird. [00:16:16] Speaker A: Well, I feel like this is. This. You seem to be very confident. You settle down over there. I don't know that it's easy, but this is similar to the Kaiser, so. Because it refers to when you make a bowel movement and it disappears down the drain pipe hole, but then later resurfaces and peeks its head out like a cuckoo bird in a cuckoo clock. Final answer. [00:16:47] Speaker B: Yeah, that's the first thing I thought of, too. I think you nailed it. [00:16:50] Speaker A: But it could be. Now that I think more about it, it could be when you're. You're going to the bathroom and the turd sticks out its head out of your arsehole like a cuckoo. [00:17:06] Speaker C: That's the turtle's head. [00:17:08] Speaker A: Turtle's head, Yeah. I didn't know if they're just. [00:17:10] Speaker B: What about splashback? Maybe it's splashback. [00:17:14] Speaker C: Oh. [00:17:14] Speaker B: When it's splashed, the room falls silent. [00:17:16] Speaker A: No, I'm trying anyway. [00:17:18] Speaker C: You. Almost there. Both of you. The act of shitting into another person's toilet and leaving without flushing in order to surprise the owner. [00:17:28] Speaker A: When they lift up the thing, lift up the lid. [00:17:30] Speaker B: I did that to Nolan Rafferty one time at his house. [00:17:33] Speaker A: You did? [00:17:33] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:34] Speaker A: My kids do it every day. They leave one in there. [00:17:38] Speaker C: Alrighty, let's see. Come on, then. We got to revive this bit. All right, Christian, what is. It's a noun again. It's. What is the Never ending story? [00:17:53] Speaker B: I mean, I know it's a movie. I imagine it's a book, too, but I know that's not what the answer is. The Never ending story. Oh, God. I mean, it could be anything. It could be somebody that goes on. [00:18:03] Speaker A: And on and on and on. [00:18:04] Speaker B: Somebody that drinks too much and tells a story that never ends. That's too easy. [00:18:11] Speaker A: Think sexual. [00:18:12] Speaker B: Yeah, think sexual. [00:18:14] Speaker A: He just did a turd one so he's switching gears. [00:18:17] Speaker B: Right, right, right, right. [00:18:19] Speaker A: Be inside the mind. Mark, you right? [00:18:22] Speaker B: Does it also have something to do with drinking too much and never being able to come to completion during a sexual act? [00:18:28] Speaker A: Ooh, I like that. Mine was gonna be. The Never Ending story is the dribble that comes from the penis after either coitus or going to the bathroom. It keeps producing some kind of fluid. [00:18:48] Speaker C: You're both nowhere near on this. It's the one and only mistake you ever made that. That her indoors brings up during every argument or minor disagreement. Never Ending story really changed it up. [00:19:03] Speaker B: On us with that one. [00:19:04] Speaker A: Quite a few of those. [00:19:05] Speaker C: Would you like to comment to your listening wife? [00:19:08] Speaker A: No, I just like to say hello to my wife, who's at home right now, and I know she's listening. I love you very much. It's been 19 wonderful years. [00:19:16] Speaker C: All righty, we're back to Bill. Let's. Let's just get through this quicker than. What is. What is to. It's an objective. What is to. It's a phrase, actually. What is to Open up the dirty window. Give me the point of origin. [00:19:31] Speaker A: Mean what? Country it comes from. This term. Point of origin? [00:19:35] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:19:36] Speaker A: What do you mean, point of origin? [00:19:37] Speaker C: You get a bonus point if you can name the song with the lyric, open up the dirty window. You're the musician. [00:19:49] Speaker B: Can you repeat it? [00:19:50] Speaker C: There's a line in a song. Open up the dirty Window. [00:19:55] Speaker A: Well, the song is from the Pogues and their ballad, the Opening of the Dirty Window. [00:20:03] Speaker C: Nope. Come on, Mr. Music. [00:20:06] Speaker B: So I'm just naming the song. [00:20:07] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:20:07] Speaker B: Okay. Open up the dirty window. It's not the bathroom window we were talking about. [00:20:16] Speaker C: I'll give you both a clue. We were talking about famous New Zealanders the other week. This is a famous New Zealand. [00:20:22] Speaker A: I thought of more Australian people over the week. I was like, men at work. That was it. [00:20:28] Speaker B: That's a good one. New Zealanders. [00:20:31] Speaker C: New Zealanders. [00:20:31] Speaker A: Famous New Zealanders. [00:20:33] Speaker B: Oh, you know what? Aha is another Australian band. [00:20:35] Speaker A: They are. [00:20:36] Speaker B: I think so. [00:20:38] Speaker C: Norwegian. [00:20:39] Speaker A: Yeah. I don't know if they're Norwegian, but they're Scandinavian anyway. [00:20:44] Speaker C: Jesus Christ. [00:20:45] Speaker A: Jesus. [00:20:46] Speaker C: Don't you know where a classic. All right. Famous New Zealand song. Stress. I'm giving you the gender ace of Bass who were Swedish. [00:20:58] Speaker B: Okay. [00:20:59] Speaker A: I don't know anyone from New Zealand. [00:21:01] Speaker C: Natasha Bedingfield and her 90s classic Unwritten Natasha Bedingfield. [00:21:08] Speaker B: Tip of my tongue. [00:21:10] Speaker A: I don't know about that, but opening the dirty window is spreading the butt cheeks of a gal to expose her O ring. [00:21:18] Speaker B: I feel like that's pretty obvious. [00:21:20] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:21:20] Speaker A: That's opening up the dirty window. [00:21:22] Speaker C: Nope, there's two versions, and you're not near either of them. To empty the back body in a singular motion. Huh. To settle down with the intention of searching out something filthy on the Internet. [00:21:36] Speaker A: Oh, open the dirty window. Yes. Yes. Yeah. You ever have that happen to you? [00:21:45] Speaker C: Where? [00:21:45] Speaker A: Not never happened to me, but where you go to open your phone and somebody's there, like at the same time, and you open the phone to something dirty? [00:21:56] Speaker B: No, I don't use my phone for dirty stuff. For dirty stuff. I just. It doesn't. I don't like that. It just doesn't feel like that's not. That's not the tool. [00:22:05] Speaker A: Me neither. [00:22:06] Speaker B: But one time I. Years and years ago, when you could first buy a portable WI fi, kind of like a little box that you carry with you that you get a WI fi signal out of this before, like you get a hotspot on your phone. I was using one of those on the. On the train one time, and there's an attractive woman sitting next to me, and I was trying to download a torrent of some movie something, and the page came up and there was 30 pictures of women on the page. And I didn't want to seem like I was looking this up on the train right there. And she. I wanted to make it clear to this woman next to me that that's not what I was there for. And so in order to describe, to show that I went and I kind of raised my hand and that caught her attention to look at my screen. [00:22:50] Speaker A: She wasn't even looking. [00:22:51] Speaker B: She wasn't even looking. She didn't care. [00:22:53] Speaker A: Oh, my God. Yeah. [00:22:55] Speaker C: Well, I want to end on this one. You both understand what it is. It's bullying the Moomin. [00:23:00] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, of course. Bullying the what? [00:23:03] Speaker C: The Moomin. [00:23:04] Speaker A: The Moomin. Spell it, please. [00:23:06] Speaker C: M O O M I N. Oh. [00:23:09] Speaker A: M O, M. What? [00:23:13] Speaker C: Bullying the Moomin. [00:23:15] Speaker A: M O, M, M, double O, M. [00:23:18] Speaker C: I N. [00:23:21] Speaker A: Oh, that's. That's when the moomin would be woman's breasts because the. They look like udders of a cow. And this cow moo. And you're. You're manipulating those. Bullying them, pushing them around. [00:23:42] Speaker B: You know, if it was spelled with an A Moo man, I'd go for it. Like M O O M a N. But I. Moomin sounds more like some sort of cult. [00:23:55] Speaker A: Those are the Moonies. [00:23:57] Speaker B: Bullying the Moomin. [00:24:00] Speaker C: Moomin was. Moomins was a TV, kids. TV knows anything about that? [00:24:04] Speaker A: What, in England in the 70s? How the fuck do we know that? [00:24:08] Speaker C: This is just. This is just. [00:24:10] Speaker A: You know what this is, this biz thing, it's. It's getting us to say like. It's like free associating sexual thoughts and just exposes us to. This is what gets me into the locker room talk that is causing so many problems on the home front. [00:24:23] Speaker C: So should we declare this the last ever profanosaurus? [00:24:26] Speaker A: Put it away for a while? [00:24:27] Speaker B: I think we should, I think, because it's easy to ask people what these made up term, these words, and these made up definitions by somebody that runs a magazine are, and then be like, no, that's not it. But what about real words? What about real difficult words from the dictionary? [00:24:45] Speaker A: What does that mean? We could try that. [00:24:47] Speaker B: Right? Like, what is tergiversation? [00:24:52] Speaker C: Mass debate ahead. Yeah. [00:24:54] Speaker A: It was started in the state of Massachusetts. [00:24:56] Speaker B: All right, Bill, can you tell me what the word tergiversation means? [00:25:01] Speaker A: Spell it, please. [00:25:01] Speaker B: T E, R, G I V E, R S A T I O, N. That's the. [00:25:08] Speaker A: When a man finds himself in the act of becoming turgid. [00:25:13] Speaker B: Yes. And go on. [00:25:15] Speaker A: Well, he's turgid. He's turgid. [00:25:21] Speaker B: But go on. Without using part of the word in the definition, what do you mean? Define turgid? [00:25:30] Speaker A: Well, it's a sexual term for a man's being aroused and his member being strong. [00:25:38] Speaker B: And so the entire definition together is. [00:25:40] Speaker A: Is the turgidization of the strengthening and hardening of something. [00:25:47] Speaker B: See? Fucking nailed it. [00:25:48] Speaker A: Fucking right, I nailed it because I'm one of the greatest debaters in the history of Massachusetts high school debate. All right, last one on the mark. I want to do it, Ken. Mark afford pants from a department store. [00:26:07] Speaker B: Which department store? [00:26:08] Speaker A: Macy's. Would Mark ever go to Macy's to buy. That's. [00:26:12] Speaker B: That's got to be the question. It's not. Can he afford the pants? [00:26:15] Speaker A: Yeah, because he can always. He can say, well, I can afford it, but I won't buy. [00:26:17] Speaker B: Right. [00:26:18] Speaker A: Would he ever go to Macy's to buy new pants? [00:26:19] Speaker B: Macy's to buy new pants for an event that he doesn't have. Pants that he needs specifically for that event. Not even. [00:26:30] Speaker A: No. He would go to the. You would go to the Village to get those? [00:26:33] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say. [00:26:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:37] Speaker B: I'm gonna say no. [00:26:38] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a no. You would never buy pants from a department store. [00:26:41] Speaker C: Fifteen. Fifteen years past that. [00:26:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:44] Speaker A: So if you had A formal event to go to. [00:26:47] Speaker C: I normally just put my work trousers on. [00:26:49] Speaker A: What are those the ones you're wearing right now? [00:26:52] Speaker C: No, black. Just black work. [00:26:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Would you wear a Harrington? [00:27:02] Speaker C: Yeah, I've got several Harringtons. [00:27:05] Speaker A: All right, Harrington. Let's talk about today's. [00:27:07] Speaker C: How many minutes? [00:27:09] Speaker A: 45 minutes? [00:27:10] Speaker B: 27, as you asked. [00:27:13] Speaker C: Yeah. All right. [00:27:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Today we've come together to watch or discuss, having watched the comedic stylings of comedian. Comedian. Comedian. What do we do? We say comedian. No, no I, E, N, N, E. Anymore. Comedian Eliza Schlesinger, a tough one to find for me just because the spelling through me, I figured it was E, L, I, Z, A, and it was S, C, H, L, E. But no, it's with an I. Eliza Schlesinger. [00:27:48] Speaker B: I noticed a lot of times she just goes by Eliza. [00:27:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Did you see that in the credits? Like, written by Eliza, produced by Eliza. That was. [00:27:56] Speaker C: She has a cult of fans, though. [00:27:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:58] Speaker C: See those credits with the pictures? [00:28:02] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Everybody was she. When she was doing her characters or when she was like, alluding to a joke that she had once made before everybody was on board, Everybody knew exactly what she was talking about. [00:28:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, this is my first time laying eyes on her for you, Mark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same, same. So what. Tell. Tell us a little bit about her and why you chose her and all that. [00:28:20] Speaker B: I chose her because last Wednesday when we in to record this podcast, before I left, I had turned my TV on to watch the special that we reviewed last week. And when it turned on, the WGN morning news was on and they were interviewing Eliza Schlesinger before her upcoming performance at the Chicago theater. And I needed a comic to recommend. I had somebody kind of on board or, you know, and what's the. What's the term. What's the baseball term? [00:28:55] Speaker A: Bill on deck. [00:28:56] Speaker B: On deck? Yeah, it's somebody kind of on deck. But I decided to. To make an audible, to call an audible and go with Eliza instead. And here we are. [00:29:06] Speaker A: So when we asked you just came off the top of your head in that moment. [00:29:09] Speaker B: I looked it up before we. Before I came in. Like, as I was sitting there before I watched the special that we were going to review last week, I looked her up and that's when I saw that she had a performance at the Vic Theater that was directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. And I thought, well, that's just perfect. [00:29:23] Speaker C: Fucking half of Netflix is her now. Now I've watched one like, do you want to watch one of these 17 other Eliza Slessing. Shows. [00:29:30] Speaker B: She's got six on there. Yeah. [00:29:32] Speaker A: So they. Obviously. And I'm an idiot, but they do some kind of development deal with Netflix, and they're committed to the five specials or more. Just with Netflix. Is that how it works? I know that's. That was the deal with Chappelle, I. [00:29:42] Speaker B: Think, but it's over the course of, like, eight years. [00:29:44] Speaker C: Yeah. I was gonna say it isn't all in a row. [00:29:46] Speaker B: Yeah. And she does specials with other. Like she's got one on Amazon. [00:29:50] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:29:50] Speaker C: I think she's pretty prolific. [00:29:53] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And what do we know? Where's she from? This is 2016. She's working then popular, then popular now. What's her backstory? [00:30:02] Speaker B: She was born in New York City. She moved as a child to Dallas. I believe it was Dallas. I know it's somewhere in Texas. I'm almost sure it was Dallas. And she was there for a long time throughout childhood. Attended school there for a while, then went back up to somewhere in the northeast to finish school. Studied abroad on the sea for a while. I didn't look into it, but the. [00:30:28] Speaker A: Sea Org from Scientology. [00:30:29] Speaker B: A semester on Sea. At Sea. At sea. At sea, yeah. Which I only assume is just, you know, learning on a boat. [00:30:39] Speaker A: Well, she could have been in the Sea Org. [00:30:41] Speaker B: What is that? [00:30:42] Speaker A: Well, that's the. The adolescent branch of Scientology where they take all the Scientologist kids and they put them in this faux naval organization, and they're basically slaves. [00:30:55] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:30:56] Speaker A: Sea Org. [00:30:56] Speaker B: I don't think that was it. She seems. She doesn't seem like she's Type that falls into a Scientology trade. [00:31:02] Speaker C: I guess that accounts for the mermaid. [00:31:04] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Maybe that's where she wrote the mermaid bit, which. [00:31:08] Speaker B: Yeah. And the mermaid bit is her talking about. Now, this was filmed in 2016, so she's talking about a trend in which women want to become mermaids. And she kind of dissects that and tears it all apart of why that's such a stupid thing to want to do. [00:31:23] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:31:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:23] Speaker B: She certainly. However, I. Back in 2016, I was very unaware of a trend of women wanting to be mermaids. That. That must have gone right over my head. [00:31:34] Speaker A: I. Yeah, I wasn't aware of that. What was going on in 2016? Set the set. Set the. [00:31:40] Speaker B: That was the first Trump presidency. [00:31:42] Speaker C: Trump. [00:31:43] Speaker A: Trump won. Just became. [00:31:45] Speaker C: I think. I think this was recorded before he'd come in, though. [00:31:48] Speaker B: It must have been like he'd won. [00:31:50] Speaker A: Maybe she didn't mention him. [00:31:52] Speaker B: Right. [00:31:53] Speaker C: Well, she mentions. Oh, my God. What the. Is going on with this country. And. Yeah, well, so that to me, I was like, oh, 2016, maybe he's in. You know what I mean? Like, he's ascending and she's like, running. Yeah. [00:32:06] Speaker A: Nobody thought he was gonna win. [00:32:07] Speaker C: Right? So I think this might have almost dropped between a win and him coming in. [00:32:12] Speaker B: And that would make sense because I was looking at the order in which some of her specials were released, and the one that Netflix released in 2013 was recorded December of 2012, and then it was released in September of 2013, so almost a full year later. So if this is anything like that special, there could have been almost a full year in between. [00:32:34] Speaker A: What do you venture her politics to be? What do you. What do you think? [00:32:39] Speaker C: She is all over the place. That's one of my comments. [00:32:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:43] Speaker C: She starts off with, you know, this. The standard sex stuff, but then goes into a diatribe about talking and talking about fucking in sex is bad. [00:32:56] Speaker A: Talking about it. [00:32:57] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. Because she. She's talking about when she's. All of a sudden it. She did this pivot I felt into, you know, sexual politics and feminism and etc, and I found myself trying to, like, catching her out on stuff. [00:33:18] Speaker A: Oh, very. [00:33:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:20] Speaker A: She talked about women don't call each other whores and sluts. And then she does a lot of that in her act. [00:33:26] Speaker C: So it's just confusing. But, I mean, I get what she's doing, but. [00:33:30] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I know that she is. She backs trans rights, she backs Black Lives Matter, but she also, at least in 2021, was backing Israel. That was something I was surprised to see. [00:33:42] Speaker A: 2021 was a different time. [00:33:43] Speaker B: It was a different time. [00:33:44] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. She came across to me and I don't know anything about her. Obviously very feminist, but she seemed like from that upper crust maga. [00:33:57] Speaker B: From her, from what it looks like, her background with her education, it looks like her family had money to give her a proper education. I think she was even like in an all girls boarding school. I don't. I. That could be. That could be completely wrong. But it was a school like that. It was. It was a school that not everybody gets to go to. [00:34:11] Speaker C: Yes, Rut, because it's. No. [00:34:12] Speaker B: Something I was talking about earlier on. [00:34:16] Speaker A: Like state university in New Jersey for childhood, adolescence. [00:34:19] Speaker C: No, her university was some very posh place. [00:34:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:23] Speaker B: She did talk about Rutgers. [00:34:24] Speaker A: She did. [00:34:25] Speaker C: And she. [00:34:25] Speaker A: I missed that. [00:34:26] Speaker C: She did say in her act, I'm upper middle class. [00:34:29] Speaker A: She did, yeah. She was unabashed about it. Okay. So her special starts off you're hearing her first couple of bits. How are you liking it? [00:34:39] Speaker B: Are you. [00:34:39] Speaker A: Are you like. Oh, I, I. This woman's high energy, obviously, Right. She comes in gangbusters and real emotive and physical and stalking the stage at our very own Chicago theater. Right. [00:34:54] Speaker B: Oh, that was at the. [00:34:56] Speaker A: Oh, this one was not at the Vic. That we watched. [00:34:58] Speaker B: The one that we watched. [00:34:59] Speaker C: It was at the Vic. You were fucking wrong. [00:35:01] Speaker B: I could see the theater. [00:35:02] Speaker A: That was not the vic. [00:35:04] Speaker C: It was the vic. [00:35:05] Speaker A: Nope. [00:35:06] Speaker C: Definitively, that was no vic. [00:35:09] Speaker A: It looked like the Chicago theater. The, the look, nothing. [00:35:12] Speaker C: That was the fucking vic. I. Do we have to go wiki on this? [00:35:16] Speaker A: Yeah, look it up. [00:35:17] Speaker B: I look it up. [00:35:18] Speaker C: Need to fucking look it up. [00:35:21] Speaker A: He'll look it up. So she comes out. She's very physical, very brash. Right in your face. [00:35:27] Speaker B: I like the fact that she. She's an attractive woman and almost immediately started contorting her face. So you like unattractive faces? [00:35:34] Speaker A: I thought like a Carol Burnett. [00:35:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:35:38] Speaker A: Type of physical comedian. [00:35:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I think. I think it shows moxie. [00:35:41] Speaker A: Did you see any Carol Burnett and Eliza Schlesinger. You're a big fan of Carol Burnett. [00:35:46] Speaker C: If you mean I am completely unaware of the work of both, then yes. [00:35:50] Speaker A: You'Re unaware of the work of Carol Burnett. [00:35:53] Speaker C: I mean, I'm aware of her name from seeing it mentioned. I never watched. [00:35:58] Speaker A: You should brush up on your history of comedy. [00:36:01] Speaker C: Oh, I know. [00:36:02] Speaker A: You might find a few chapters on the legendary Carol Burnett, arguably the greatest comedian ever to live. Yeah, okay. Okay. So she's. Yeah, she. [00:36:16] Speaker B: You like it. [00:36:17] Speaker A: You like the physicality. I know you don't like physicality. So you're not liking this. [00:36:20] Speaker C: No. [00:36:21] Speaker A: You're watching this, and I'm thinking about you as we're watching this. And I'm thinking, Mark is not liking this. [00:36:27] Speaker C: I've got all the things. I've got. [00:36:30] Speaker A: What do you hate? [00:36:32] Speaker C: Pretty much everything out of the gate. [00:36:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:34] Speaker C: There's trite material. [00:36:36] Speaker A: Yep. Drunk being drunk. [00:36:38] Speaker C: Attractive drunk girl material. She did grab me briefly with a thing about optimal makeup, where she was like, guys, if you pick a woman up late, she's. That was good. [00:36:52] Speaker A: But you didn't laugh. [00:36:53] Speaker C: But, you know, then she's like, yeah, you know, women make up. The men's equivalent is adjusting your balls. I'm like, are we fucking going there? Then the handbag stuff. And then it sort of turned interesting after that. [00:37:07] Speaker A: Where does it turn for you? Interesting? [00:37:08] Speaker C: It turns interesting in that she is explaining the whole thing with the black bouncer. And I'M thinking, oh, she's digging a bit of a hole here. The faithful. [00:37:19] Speaker A: Yep. Showing her white stripes. [00:37:22] Speaker C: Yeah. So I thought, well, now I'm interested at least. And then this just sudden turn and segue into the feminism from all this trite. Well, I could hear this from any comedian. Then I was like, okay, okay, we might be going somewhere now. What about you? [00:37:41] Speaker A: Did it go somewhere for you? We'll get there. We'll get there slow. [00:37:46] Speaker C: Where was it? [00:37:46] Speaker B: At the vic. [00:37:48] Speaker A: Really? [00:37:49] Speaker B: Yeah. Confirmed kill at the vic. [00:37:51] Speaker C: Confirmed vic. [00:37:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:53] Speaker A: It seemed very nice in that theater. [00:37:57] Speaker B: It seemed like the vic. I think they dressed it up. They put those lights up, you know, on the stage. [00:38:01] Speaker A: Yeah. But when they would pan to the. The. The low section, the balcony looks like the balcony of the shower there. [00:38:07] Speaker C: Anyway, the physicality, but it was almost like the female Dane Cook. [00:38:14] Speaker B: That's right. [00:38:14] Speaker A: I. I'll show all my cards now. It doesn't fucking matter. I. 20 minutes and almost. But this would have been the first one I turned off that I couldn't. I just couldn't. I mean, there's been others that I did not like, but I just. I knew that I was in for it. The fact that it was. I KNEW it was 117 minutes. I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Like, and so we're 20 minutes in, and I cannot stand this act. I cannot take it on any level. Awful. And whenever comedian says, oh, you know what I'm saying? Chicago. Am I right? Chicago. Come on, Chicago. That drives me crazy. And then she did the. A little later on, the. And this has to go. Any comedian that does this bit is showing their hat colors when they do the. The car wash inflatable guy. [00:39:07] Speaker B: I was wondering. I was like, is this the first time? Because I'm thinking, is 2016. Like, is this not. Has it not been done by everybody yet at this point? I mean, how many times, right. Do we have to hear. That's the oldest joke. [00:39:19] Speaker A: The car wash inflatable man. [00:39:20] Speaker B: Right. [00:39:22] Speaker A: That's. That's the final nail in the coffin. That was only like 20 minutes in. [00:39:26] Speaker B: So that was tired. Two months after the. The car washes started using the inflatable man, everybody got every. Everybody made that joke for two months. And everyone said, okay, we're done with it. [00:39:37] Speaker C: Overusing of the crone voice. [00:39:39] Speaker A: Oh, the goblin voice. That's. [00:39:43] Speaker B: That's one of her characters too. That's what I was saying. [00:39:46] Speaker C: When she started doing it, the whole audience. [00:39:48] Speaker B: Right. Pandering. [00:39:52] Speaker C: What about the hashtags that kept coming up. Is that in 2016 or was that setting up the hashtag bit? [00:39:58] Speaker A: Yeah, I didn't know. [00:40:00] Speaker B: It's funny because I was watching it on my illegal fire stick set up. And so I wasn't even paying attention to those because I thought they were like, you know, like watermarks, like from whoever, like, you know, pirated this from. What? And I didn't read one until the very long one at the end of one of her jokes when she's talking about, like, having like 16 hashtags at the end of an Instagram. Also, just side note, it's kind of interesting because this is Instagram 10 years ago we're talking about, you know, when it was just photos, it wasn't videos. And as before, like all the bots infiltrated and the, the comment sections and, and the algorithm was set to kind of feed you what you. What you want and what can, you know, direct you in the dirt in their direction they want to send you. But anyway, so I was trying to put my. Myself in the mindset of Instagram back then, especially when she mentioned being on Pinterest. I mean, when's the last time somebody talked about Pinterest? You know, that's not something people do anymore. Right, right. Okay. So, yeah, so I'm trying to, like, remember, like, what was Instagram like in 2016, you know, and hashtags were something. Yeah, I had a job in 2013. 2012. 2013, where hashtags were becoming popular, and the guy that I worked for asked me to explain to him what hashtags do. Almost every old guy, he wasn't even. He was only a few years older than I was, but they were brand new then, so this was only a few years after that. But yeah, I wasn't reading those hashtags and I, I was wondering. They kept coming up too, throughout the rest of the show. [00:41:28] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:41:28] Speaker B: What. [00:41:29] Speaker A: So what would you do if you're watching this in 2016 and that hashtag comes up, you're supposed to hashed, you're supposed to type that hashtag in a. [00:41:38] Speaker B: I guess maybe that. I thought maybe that was the goal. Like, maybe she thought if she puts the hashtags down there, then people. Her, like her super fans that they showed at the end of the show, maybe they'll start using those hashtags. [00:41:48] Speaker C: You know, I just wondered if it was setting up the hashtag bit. You know, it was very small. I don't know. I don't. [00:41:56] Speaker A: It was hard for me to. And so I was surprised at the end when we saw These super fans wearing our shirts and stuff. Because to me, it seemed like the jokes. A lot of these jokes were bombing. I didn't hear uproarious laughter. I'd hear the polite applause at some of the jokes. Right. Like, but I didn't hear. You know, it's funny how everybody's special. We go back to, like, certain specials like that really pipe in the laughter. They really mic the laughter in the crowd. Maybe a smaller space, you can hear it more. But, like, I wasn't hearing a lot of laughter. Like when she did that CrossFit joke about how, you know, that was a horrible joke and maybe that's why I think nobody laughed. [00:42:33] Speaker B: But I thought it got a really good response. And you know what I was thinking about? [00:42:36] Speaker A: Because she. [00:42:36] Speaker B: She was simulating doing the rope thing with the microphone cable. And the whole time I'm watching, I'm like, don't do that to the microphone cable. [00:42:41] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Like, it's gonna mess up the camera. [00:42:43] Speaker B: Oh, God. What are you doing? [00:42:45] Speaker A: I don't know. I thought she. If it felt like she bombed to. [00:42:49] Speaker B: Me, I thought I. I thought I heard a lot of response. [00:42:51] Speaker C: Yeah, I thought. I thought it was all hero worship. [00:42:54] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. [00:42:55] Speaker A: But you know what, though? The reason why I might think that when I watch this, I watch it with a headphones and one of this. One of the headphones is out. [00:43:02] Speaker B: Oh. [00:43:03] Speaker A: So maybe one of the earpieces. [00:43:04] Speaker B: Maybe the laughter's only hearing it. [00:43:05] Speaker A: One ear. [00:43:05] Speaker B: Maybe the laughter is not stereo. The laughter is only mono. [00:43:08] Speaker A: Yeah, maybe that's it. [00:43:10] Speaker B: It's kind of funny you mentioned that, though, because I think some of the other specials that we've reviewed that have a similar, like, hero on stage, like this one, like Larry the Cable Guy, you know, people going there wearing the cut off, you know, shirts with the no sleeves, Gallagher, sort of a similar thing. Like, not a ton of laughter from the audience, but everybody's engaged, you know, because everyone came there to see that act and they've probably heard the jokes before. [00:43:34] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:43:36] Speaker C: Well, there was one really funny thing in there because I can't afford Netflix with no ads. I get ads. And what was that one? What was funny was she. That she was doing this whole bit about, you know, feminine, like, women's images of themselves, and we shouldn't do that. And then it cuts to ad, and it was a we go v weight loss ad. Like, just literally, like, Netflix must have fucking planned it. [00:44:03] Speaker A: We saw that in another special, didn't we? [00:44:04] Speaker B: Yeah, that happened before. [00:44:06] Speaker C: So literally cuts from her like, you shouldn't tell women what they should look like. We go, vee. And then it ends with, like, a woman looking into the camera going, we go, vee, is it time? And then it cuts straight fucking back. [00:44:19] Speaker A: To her act about being thin. [00:44:21] Speaker C: Oh, my God, it was fucking perfect. [00:44:23] Speaker A: Yeah. I wonder how. [00:44:24] Speaker C: I think someone at Netflix synced up those algorithms are. [00:44:27] Speaker B: What? They're somebody with a sense of humor. [00:44:29] Speaker C: I think someone at Netflix goes, I know where we're putting this fucking ad. That was hilarious. [00:44:34] Speaker A: Someone in the traffic department at Netflix. Unbelievable. [00:44:40] Speaker C: Oh, dear. [00:44:42] Speaker A: Well, the whole time I'm watching, I'm thinking, this feels like a TED Talk. [00:44:45] Speaker C: Right? [00:44:45] Speaker A: Like, and I wrote down early, like, ted. This is a feminist TED Talk. And I don't want. Do not want to hear it. [00:44:51] Speaker B: That's another thing, too, because she does say something about at the end. She does? Yeah. And I started thinking, like, I used to work with somebody around 2016, that she. And she would. This is a woman that I work with. She would always, like, at the end of a long description of something, she would always say, thanks for listening to my TED Talk. And the first time she said it, I thought it was hilarious because I thought she made it up. It was the first time I heard anybody say that. I didn't know it was an Internet thing that everybody was saying. Yeah. And so it's just like the timing lines up, you know? [00:45:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:17] Speaker B: Which is. Which kind of harkens back to the. The outside. The car wash, inflatable man joke, you know? [00:45:24] Speaker A: Yeah. Maybe she was the first. She was. [00:45:26] Speaker B: Maybe she was the first person and it took off right away. [00:45:29] Speaker A: But do you feel like comedy is evolving in some ways towards more of a TED Talk. [00:45:36] Speaker B: Format for a certain audience? For. Yeah, for the audience that wants that. [00:45:42] Speaker C: I want that. [00:45:43] Speaker B: You do. [00:45:43] Speaker C: I want you to impart something. [00:45:45] Speaker A: You do. [00:45:46] Speaker C: I want knowledge, not just laughs. [00:45:49] Speaker A: You do. [00:45:50] Speaker C: Yes, they do. [00:45:52] Speaker A: You really do. You're being. [00:45:53] Speaker C: I really fucking do. [00:45:54] Speaker A: See, I don't at all. Not. Not in comedy. I, you know, I'll get that in the newspaper or whatever. I want someone to just be funny and silly. I don't need that beating over the head about feminism and body image and all that shit. [00:46:05] Speaker C: No, I don't want any of that shit. I want someone to do. I wanted someone to talk to me about historic. Like, she ended with the Shark Tank bit, and I actually did enjoy that. [00:46:16] Speaker A: Oh, God, are you kidding? That was the worst bit I've ever heard in my life. [00:46:21] Speaker C: Really. So, I mean, I did put. This is a sketch Not a stand up routine at the start, but when she's like the psychotic. I mean, and she. Where she kept effing it up from. Every time I was just, okay, okay, I might be getting on board. She'd go into some ridiculous physical pantomime, walking like a. And then I'll be like, God damn it, now I'm gone again. [00:46:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:47] Speaker C: And like, with that, you know, it was the. The standing back to back thing was funny, but. But then the first time, and then I did put, you know, it was kind of funny because she'd been calling for women to respect each other and unity and. And then she ends in a sketch with one woman basically berating another. [00:47:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:10] Speaker C: For. You know. And I was like, well, you really, you really don't know where you're headed with this. Mid Earth. [00:47:21] Speaker A: I can say with, you know, all these specials that we've watched over the many, many years we've been doing this program. [00:47:29] Speaker B: Coming up on 10th anniversary. [00:47:30] Speaker A: Yeah. 10th anniversary. I did not even. I couldn't have been more dead faced. I didn't even sniff. There wasn't even a breath of laugh. Nothing. Not one. I was just. I just. Just resting. Bitch. Facing her the whole time. Like. [00:47:52] Speaker B: I don't think I've ever sat in a chair in silence and looked at the TV screen for as long as I did after this one ended. [00:47:58] Speaker A: You were the same. [00:47:59] Speaker B: Yeah, I just stared at the TV and I stretched and I stood up and I went, all right. [00:48:04] Speaker A: I just. [00:48:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:48:06] Speaker A: It sounds like you had a couple laughs, though. [00:48:08] Speaker C: Yeah, but I think I might have been trying. So we won't talk about this now. It'll have to be, you know, a Patreon thing. I've got some good, like, like behind the scenes, gossipy stuff about her. Well, everything. Like a few things around it. [00:48:27] Speaker A: All right. Why can't we talk about it? [00:48:28] Speaker B: How can we do that? [00:48:29] Speaker C: No, we can't. [00:48:30] Speaker A: Yeah, because you can't talk. [00:48:31] Speaker B: Because we don't have it. [00:48:31] Speaker A: Because. [00:48:32] Speaker C: Yeah, because I can't. Because I have to edit it out. So what's the point? So we'll do it when we close the mics. And for listeners out there looking to get a Patreon. [00:48:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:41] Speaker C: Subscription. [00:48:41] Speaker B: Oh, is this when we start? [00:48:42] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:48:42] Speaker B: All right. [00:48:43] Speaker A: Yeah. You won't reveal it on the free show. [00:48:46] Speaker B: Three. Three dollars a month. [00:48:48] Speaker A: I'll reveal my sources and tell you everything. [00:48:50] Speaker B: Bill, can Mark afford a Patreon subscription to our podcast? [00:48:56] Speaker A: Maybe with ads. With Patreon. With ads. [00:49:01] Speaker C: There was one good line. There was a bit. She got Nikki Glazer at one point, which you must have felt, okay, she's getting Nikki Glazer. [00:49:08] Speaker A: They're kind of contemporaries, right. Like, they're the same. They're rising up at the same time. Nikki Glaser's was 2016, too. [00:49:14] Speaker B: That we watched. Was that. [00:49:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I feel like it was. [00:49:16] Speaker C: But she. She says something. Nikki Glazer asked where. She's like, girls, when your guy is lying there spent after shag, don't be talking to him. And then she put, I'll tell you. And you always like, what. What are you thinking? And she goes, I'll tell you. The one thing he's gonna say is, I'm not thinking about you in a wedding dress. [00:49:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:38] Speaker C: And that made me laugh. [00:49:39] Speaker A: That made you laugh out loud a little bit. [00:49:40] Speaker B: Like. [00:49:40] Speaker A: Yeah, well, this. She made me really appreciate Nikki Glaser. [00:49:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:49:46] Speaker C: That's weird. [00:49:47] Speaker A: Nikki Glaser. [00:49:49] Speaker C: Seemingly similar, but not. But. [00:49:52] Speaker A: But, yeah, because the material is not that. Well, hers is. Is a little more feminist. [00:50:00] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:50:00] Speaker A: And very much more preachy. But I did write down, like, she's. These are really good observations she's making. Right. [00:50:07] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:50:07] Speaker A: About the world. And they're very smart. Right. But the way she's delivering them is horrendously off putting. [00:50:16] Speaker C: Right. [00:50:16] Speaker A: Like, I just like. Like how you get turned off when she starts stomping around the stage or doing the faces or, you know, the voice. Like, that's the same thing. For me, she should take her writing and give it to somebody who's likable, you know, on stage. You know, like Glaser. She should write for Nikki Glaser or somebody else. Right. She's a good writer. [00:50:33] Speaker C: I was thinking, this seems to be coming a thing now where we go, good material, wrong delivery. [00:50:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:50:40] Speaker A: But clearly, for a lot of people, she's amazing. It's just. It's just what you like and prefer. Some people like all the stuff that we hate. Right. Clearly. But I. I could not sit through. I couldn't. I will never sit through her act ever again. Right. No, don't. [00:51:00] Speaker C: I'm actually. I actually am gonna watch another one. [00:51:03] Speaker B: Why? [00:51:03] Speaker C: See, because this was directed and may have been influenced. [00:51:09] Speaker A: Oh, there's the scuttlebutt that he's. [00:51:11] Speaker C: No, no, no, no, no. It's nothing to do with that. It's. I'm interested to see. That's 2016. I'm interested to see where she is now, to be honest. [00:51:21] Speaker A: Well, she's here last week and. [00:51:23] Speaker C: Was she. [00:51:24] Speaker A: That's what he's talking about. How he got the idea she was on wgn. [00:51:27] Speaker B: She's performing at Chicago Theater. [00:51:29] Speaker C: Well, whatever our last special is, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give it at least 20 minutes to see. Okay, I'm interested. [00:51:40] Speaker A: You let me know, I'll report back. [00:51:42] Speaker B: Yeah, report back. [00:51:44] Speaker A: If we're, we're wrapping it up. I do want to make comment about. Because we always talk about the comedians attire. She was basically in like a Victoria's Secret lingerie. [00:51:59] Speaker B: Yeah, it was a top. [00:52:01] Speaker A: It was like a body see through bodysuit. [00:52:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:04] Speaker A: Like bra, right? [00:52:05] Speaker B: Yeah. Lace. [00:52:07] Speaker A: Lace. [00:52:08] Speaker B: Yeah. Black lace, Right. [00:52:10] Speaker A: Yeah. How does that, how does that register for you? I can't remember a comedian dressing so sexual on stage. [00:52:23] Speaker B: Maybe it didn't really make a difference to me. [00:52:25] Speaker A: No, no. [00:52:26] Speaker B: I, when I, when she first came out that. It's an interesting look for a comedian, you know. [00:52:32] Speaker C: Yeah. Right. [00:52:32] Speaker A: Like comedians, they don't. Right. [00:52:34] Speaker B: Like it was almost. [00:52:35] Speaker A: If you had a man with like an open shirt and a sex that would not work. [00:52:39] Speaker B: It was almost like after, after initially seeing it I purposely wanted to not pay attention to it because I didn't want that to be a focal point. [00:52:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:52:46] Speaker B: It was a of the show. [00:52:48] Speaker A: Was it another in the long list of turn. [00:52:50] Speaker C: I felt like it was because there's a couple of things where she flexes and it's like yeah, you doing that because we all know you, you are working out like crazy and stuff. But I don't know, I mean it's not. It's just the like I say, female equivalent of Dane cooking his vest. I'm actually not against. I think I've. We've. We've talked about this before. It's show business and sex sells. So stop looking like a sack of. When you're on stage. At least make an effort. [00:53:25] Speaker A: See we've disagreed about this before. I don't think sex and comedy go together. I don't think there should be a sexual element to the comedy. You can be an attractive person. [00:53:34] Speaker B: Right. [00:53:34] Speaker A: And good looking or whatever but don't sex it up. Don't sex it up. That's a, that's a different venue that I go to for that. I don't go to. I don't want to be. [00:53:47] Speaker C: Why is it okay for a rock star to be like, you know that's not a comedian. [00:53:52] Speaker A: No, no. Because it's, it's about the art. [00:53:54] Speaker B: It's, it's. It's sex, drugs and rock and roll. It's not sex, drugs and laughs. [00:53:58] Speaker A: Yeah, that's sex, drugs and. [00:53:59] Speaker C: Stan, why Is it not that. [00:54:01] Speaker A: It's just not. It's not meant to be. Those two don't go together. [00:54:05] Speaker C: Reaction. It's a bit reactionary, isn't it, Bill? [00:54:07] Speaker A: I don't know. A little puritan, in my comedic opinion. [00:54:14] Speaker C: Well, I. I think if you're gonna get the kids into comedy, you got to appeal to their base. [00:54:19] Speaker A: Why do you want the kids into comedy? It's like, why do we want all these kids playing golf? We don't need kids playing golf. Right. Like, we don't need the next generation. Is that. Why is that important? [00:54:28] Speaker B: Is that what's going on now? [00:54:29] Speaker A: Yeah, there's ruining golf. [00:54:30] Speaker B: Oh, no. Yeah. There's a bunch of kids on the golf course. I don't need them at the golf course. Get them out of there. [00:54:36] Speaker A: Right. We need the same people doing comedy that have always been doing comedy. White men, older, white. [00:54:43] Speaker B: I want the people I like in their observations. [00:54:46] Speaker C: Oh, boy. [00:54:48] Speaker A: And hopefully Christian. That's who we'll see next. An older white gentleman. [00:54:52] Speaker B: Hey, you know what? [00:54:53] Speaker A: We can enjoy. Get back to enjoy. [00:54:56] Speaker B: I can get you part. I can get you part of the way there. [00:54:58] Speaker A: Don't give it up yet. Let's go around, Christian. Eliza Schlesinger, and she uses. I thought it was funny that she used one of our early review measures by calling her special confirmed kills. We used to save. [00:55:14] Speaker C: That was one of the cycles. [00:55:15] Speaker A: Yeah. One of the. The many descriptors for reviews. Confirmed kill. Let's use confirmed kill or confirmed bomb. Confirm killer. Confirmed bomb. [00:55:27] Speaker B: This is a tough one. I wasn't a huge fan of the material, but I normally judge based on did they do the job they went out to do? I feel that she did. However, to call it a confirmed kill is a bit much. It's too much. I'll have to go the other direction for a confirmed bomb. [00:55:47] Speaker A: Okay, Confirmed bomb. Well, I. I'm gonna go next because I want you to. I'm not sure about you. You know where I stand on this. One of the worst comedians I've ever watched in my life. [00:56:02] Speaker C: Honestly. [00:56:03] Speaker A: No, no. I, like many female comedians, clearly didn't. [00:56:08] Speaker C: Listen to the message of the material, did you, Bill? [00:56:11] Speaker A: I thought the material was quite a lot of it. The second half, like you mentioned, was quite good and very well written. Very smart humor. I've never liked a person on stage less than I liked this gal. All right? And for that reason, I'm giving it an enormous Hiroshima like bomb. [00:56:35] Speaker C: Do the sound effect. You missed it. [00:56:37] Speaker B: Use your water bottle. [00:56:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Wait, I don't know. If I have enough water, it's not enough water in it. Why? [00:56:52] Speaker B: There we go. [00:56:53] Speaker A: Oh, it doesn't matter because I. I should have had you go next because. [00:56:57] Speaker C: Yeah, I agreed with him. [00:56:59] Speaker A: Yeah, that up. [00:57:02] Speaker C: It's unanimous. It just was. It was a lot of things wrong about comedy in this thing. As much as I tried, there was just too much wrong in it. [00:57:11] Speaker A: Say you hated it. [00:57:12] Speaker B: I tried too. I really wanted to like it. Halfway through, I was. I was. I was. I was trying to like it. [00:57:17] Speaker C: Yeah. And off air will tell. I'll tell you. [00:57:21] Speaker A: Yeah, I can't wait for off air. All right, tune in to the Patreon show. Everybody else you're gonna. Next week. Yeah, next week you're gonna hear us talk about. [00:57:30] Speaker B: We are going to keep it in Chicago with Caleb Heron. We are going to see an open micr. Yeah, you can see him here on Tuesdays. He has a special called Caleb Heeran, model comedian. It's on hbo. [00:57:46] Speaker A: How do you spell it? [00:57:48] Speaker B: H E A I. [00:57:50] Speaker C: Who's gonna lend me the eight box? [00:57:51] Speaker A: I'll give you mine. You can. You can use my login. [00:57:53] Speaker B: Yeah, maybe. Maybe Kyle will let you use his login. [00:57:56] Speaker A: I'll give you my niece's login. That's what I'm using. Caleb Huron. [00:58:02] Speaker B: Huron. Hear as in what you do with your ears and then on as in, you know, Huron. [00:58:08] Speaker A: H E A R O N. Yep. Caleb, he's a Chicagoan. [00:58:13] Speaker B: He started stand up here in Chicago. I don't know if he was born here. That will all be revealed. [00:58:17] Speaker A: They do the Lodge. [00:58:18] Speaker C: Not that I'm trying to rack my brains. Not that I'm remembering. [00:58:23] Speaker A: Okay. All right, well, I'm excited for that. [00:58:26] Speaker B: Yeah, that's the. The white male you were looking for. [00:58:30] Speaker A: Sweet. Hopefully he's like Randy felt face. I like him a lot. All right, well, for Mark Geary. Christian Watson. [00:58:42] Speaker C: What? [00:58:43] Speaker A: Christian Watson. [00:58:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:58:45] Speaker C: Oh, yes. Caleb Heron has done the Lincoln Lodge. He has? [00:58:49] Speaker A: Oh, he's an alumni. [00:58:50] Speaker C: One of the original. When this place opened, had a hit show here with Holmes. Holmes. [00:58:57] Speaker B: Oh, really? [00:58:58] Speaker C: Yep. [00:58:59] Speaker B: Well, what do you know? [00:59:01] Speaker A: Fuck is my phone. [00:59:02] Speaker B: It's on the bar up front, actually. [00:59:04] Speaker C: Oh, fuck. [00:59:04] Speaker B: I saw it up there. Don't worry, the door is locked. [00:59:06] Speaker C: Actually perform. [00:59:07] Speaker A: Kelsey's probably going through all my stuff. [00:59:09] Speaker B: Most likely. [00:59:10] Speaker A: Okay. All right. So. Hey, you don't even know this guy and he's walked your planks before. [00:59:17] Speaker C: Yep. Maybe he performed in the actual large show. [00:59:21] Speaker A: Not that we'll get his ass on here afterwards. [00:59:24] Speaker C: All right. [00:59:24] Speaker A: If we like. [00:59:25] Speaker B: Let's see what he's doing. [00:59:25] Speaker C: If you like him, he's a nice bloke. [00:59:28] Speaker A: All right, we'll see you next week. [00:59:44] Speaker B: As Dawn S1.